The Mind Game of "What If?"

You play that game in your head, "What If?"

I guess, imagining alternate realities, alternate pasts, and potential futures is something we tend to do. Especially when we have time on our hands, "spit-balling," chilling out, contemplating our lives.

Not sure how fruitful it is, especially when reviewing your own long, sordid history. A common phrase pops up in my consciousness, knowing it's a tired, but useful cliche: "If only I knew then, what I know now..."

We can't rerun the model. The Universe only, truly, unfolds one way. I mean, the scientists tell us reality is all about probabilities, chance, randomness; every moment is basically a coin flip, but even with that, the coin only ends up one way.

What happens is what happens. Reality is what actually happens. Of course, not just one thing happens, everything happens all at once, all the time. Trying to figure out what actually happened is really a life-long quest. A crazy-ass rabbit hole, a shimmering hall of mirrors.

Is there a "grand narrative" or just an ever-changing, always morphing churn and burn? The Universe is expanding, life and death happen moment to moment. Trying to detect a pattern, discern a meaning, imagine a purpose, that's such a human thing.

So the game of "What If" is just a game. Maybe it lights up some of the darkness. "I did this, but I could have done that..." We try the alternate reality on for size. It's just a Mind-Game.

Maybe it's a way of trying to come to kind of understanding? Recognizing pivotal moments. Moments that changed the trajectory of our lives.

Now. This moment. Here we are. The past is growing, the future is shrinking. The moment is here. Present in the Present. Still, sometimes, you ask yourself: "What If?!"

The a.m soundtrack - Tricky's "Maxinquaye" (1994). I realize there is a bit of a pattern. I do like to listen to floating, drifting kind of music in the a.m. Usually I avoid the heavy beats. I am not a fan of the "four on the floor" beats from the dance floor.  I usually like a bit of moody atmosphere. Tricky's record is perfect. Dark, groovy, trippy. There is a beat, there is movement, but it's pretty light on it's feet. Some of this record reminds me of Portishead, for instance the sultry female vocals, but it's different too. Maybe even harder to get a handle on. A dream record, with a groove.