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Monday, January 02, 2006

Goodbye Dumps, Goodbye Sunny

Well, I guess this is it partner...I'm gonna kill this little blog. It probably means more to me than you. Somehow, I've come to feel that Dumps and Sunny have kind of canceled each other out. I've kept at this quite diligently just trying to say what I have to say on the fly, in the moment. I'm thinking I need a different outlet or new form. I'm gonna keep writing, it's in my blood. I'm still intent on working on "the next thing," whether it's gonna be a novel, play, short story, poem or song. 2005 was a difficult year for me. My father, one of my true mentors and friends died. This event has changed me in ways I didn't/couldn't imagine. Also, my little theater group went off to Edinburgh Scotland to participate in the Fringe Fest. This was the culmination of a lot of hard work in so many ways for so many people. I had no pre-conceived expectations but it was while we were "over the pond," that I got the terrible, crushing news about my father. It's all true, there are levels of pain and loss you never knew you had. It was back in August when a numbing silence overcame me. I flew back for the memorial service, leaving the show and the cast in the lurch. It was a dream turned into instant, irreversible nightmare.

Maybe the dream wasn't really a dream?! I realized in Edinburgh, that our little theater company was overmatched. To make a splash over there requires money, promotion, buzz. That's not what we've been about. Black Forest has been the most marginal of marginal propositions. A little avant garde experiment, dedicated to original creative work. Nothing more or less. This does not lead to large enthusiastic, audiences. It is not a money-making opportunity. It is a delicate little vehicle that travels a very circumsribed territory. So, anyway, it's a new year, and I think now is the time for reassessments, for re-visioning. So, eventhough this space has been a record of my daily musings this too seems to have run it's course. I'm deciding to "blow up" the dumps/sunny dichotomy. Wonder what I'll find when the smoke clears? If you've been a reader - dedicated, inadvertant, etc. Thanks for spending some time here, I hope it was mildly diverting. Maybe we'll meet somewhere else in the blogosphere or beyond.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Heaven & Hell

A new day, a new year. Sipping Black Cat expresso, listening to a mix of Norah Jones, John Lennon and Neil Young. Living the life of leisure. Yesterday, had a great massage: in a world that usually rubs me the wrong way, I bought some time with a woman to rub me the right way - now that's one of the wonders of capitalism! Also, hung out with some friends - if hell is other people as per Mr. Sartre, heaven is other people too. It's sometimes amazing to find kindred souls, fellow-travellers, from very different places who can understand each other, make each other laugh, ponder and wonder. So today let's park the good times and bad, and look forward to a new clean slate...hmmm...I wonder, does it really work that way?

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