Early on I stumbled into somehow seeing things very clearly. Society, Civilization, these hierarchies were elaborate charades. This didn't make my life easier, it actually made it more complicated and alienating. I think in my early years I was just a gnarly, pissed off little kid. You probably couldn't tell. I smiled alot, and deflected. I had the appearance of a happy-go-lucky soul. I often tried to be invisible. Chasing my own little dreams and obsessions.
It wasn't until much later, when I discovered Meditation in it's various forms, that my inner being transformed. The result, a knowledge that there was no need of Authority. The key to living was a "be here now," practice and discipline. I experienced moments of deep connection, and transformation. It was these deep in the bone feelings and experiences that blew open the doors of perception.
It might sound grand, and over-blown. Nope. Not really. These were tiny explosions, that blew holes in the fabric of my life, but those holes, those openings made all the difference. They turned out to be passage-ways to an engaging and fulfilling way to live. Dare I say it, "enlightening." Yes. It became clear, No one is in Charge. We are all just tricky, complicated monkeys, pretending to know more than we really know, trying to navigate thru this sometimes caressing and sometimes harrassing Universe. And that's OK. It's a an enlightening, clarifying, soul-enriching knowledge. Who we are and what we do is really up to us. We are super-limited and super-capable too. Our lives really are in our own hands. It's a beautiful insight, a total liberation, and an awesome, overwhelming, fucking responsibility.
