I'm Not Bono!

I sing. I write songs. I am a member of a band!

Talking to a friend earlier in the week, she reminded me: "You're not Bono."

I know. I know.

Stuck on Doing

You heard the words earlier in the week. A piece of "spiritual advice," that you've heard before, but earlier this week, it sort of hit home, "Being, not doing." This is so counter to my day to day mode.

I have found salvation in doing. Always doing. Always. I suppose, I choose to interpret this advice by thinking that even being, can be a sort of doing. At least that's how I've tried to finesse it for myself.

Last night. In the wee hours. Deep sleep. The words came to me again. They actually woke me up. "Being, not doing." So you think to yourself, "This is important!" When a phrase sort of hovers over you and haunts you, maybe you should take notice?

So, is it just "existing" I should be leaning to? That really doesn't seem to be enough. I am stuck. Stuck on doing. Maybe my being can be a sort of doing? Sitting and doing nothing. Doing just by being?

"The Deranged Carnival that this Cartoon Rich Man Puts On!" - Dylan Matthews

I am a liberal. Always have been. Since an early age. I live on a liberal island. On the "north shore" of Lake Michigan. Famously liberal. Everyone I know is pretty liberal. The ones that I suspect are not liberal, I do not bring up politics with them. No reason to do so.

I despise this group of Republicans running for President. I can't imagine why anyone would vote for any one of them. I can't imagine being so "retro" and backward on social issues, on the environment, on the duty of our government to "better people's lives." I cringe at their "saber-rattling" on foreign policy.

I watch from the sidelines and just can't visualize any of these folks actually representing my country. It actually turns my stomach. Yuck! And the guy dominating the field? The less said the better. He is sucking up all the oxygen. He seems to be a master of social media. He's funny. Scary. Ridiculous.

You run out of words to describe his idiocy. And you realize his idiocy is actually a feature, not a flaw. He is ahead of the pack because of his idiocy. I don't understand. Really. That party. Those people. So foreign to me. I realize I live in different country.

Every Window, Every Mirror!

Turns out as your biography expands, you discover there are many kinds of people. People of many varieties. You may be surprised to find that there really are some "bad actors" out on the road.

Scoundrels, grifters, hustlers, liars, film-flam artists, folks who will cheat you, beat you, and find pleasure in seeing you suffer. There are really talented ones who will filet you into tiny pieces, a smile on their face, and a kind word in your ear.

There are the negative black holes of the spirit, who will suck all the energy from a room, and will vacuum every last shred of hope or optimism you may have inside you with one dark, swift look or gesture.

You have to be alert, on-guard - the grift, the hustle, the soul-killing, is potentially around any corner. And remember - you harbor the saboteur inside your own heart. Inevitably, you find, that you are your own worst enemy - the toughest critic, the most brutal editor, the one totaling up all the wins and losses. The one who can  overrule your better angels, your intuitive wisdom.

You must be vigilant. Enemies in every window, in every mirror.

Unplugged TV!

I got this message. From myself. I've lately been too much of a broadcaster, like a pirate radio station, and less like a receiver, like a TV.

And I need to be more like a TV, and less like a radio station. And maybe I should be like a TV that is unplugged!

Maybe the Future Isn't All It's Cracked Up to Be?

If you are of an optimistic frame of mind, you work under the premise that tomorrow will be a better day than today. And you are optimistic that today really will be a good day. I mean, there might be bumps in the road, but the road rolls out in front of you holding a promise of hope and prosperity.  

Paul Krugman reviews a book by Robert Gordon that tells us the future may not be all that it's cracked up to be. Is it possible that all that progress and growth and technological innovation that we have come to expect, has kind of topped out?

Maybe Google, Twitter, Facebook, Apple & Amazon aren't really all that disruptive and innovative? Are our lives going to get better with all this social media stuff? Will technology save our asses? 

I don't know. But I am optimistic that lunch today is going be really, really good!

Monday Morning Question

Yes. That's the kind of Monday morning question you can really sink your teeth into... "Why can't you remember your future?"

Time is a puzzlement. A conundrum. It's fast, it's slow. It bends.

And in our heads time is not linear. Sink into your own head and you find yourself in a sea of possibilities: memories, dreams, imaginings, thought-trains.

You find that your own mind is quite confusing to yourself.

A Poet's World...

Dylan once sang... "I'll let you be in my dream, if I can be in yours..." that's the kind of world you'd like to live in, right? One where we share dreams? And we let each other in?

I like this one too, Patti Smith's world (from M Train):

"In my way of thinking, anything is possible. Life is at the bottom of things and belief at the top, while the creative impulse, dwelling in the center, informs all."

She Transforms the World...

Patti Smith's M Train...

Of course, I love it. Patti is an odd duck. A William Burroughs acolyte. A poet. For sure. In the best way. In every thing she does. She transforms the world thru her poetic sensibility. 

And what does she do? 

She visits graves of favorite authors and poets.
She watches detective shows on TV.
She loses things; people, notebooks, beloved over-coats.
She reads.
She writes.
She dreams.
She remembers.
She drinks coffee.
She spends lots of time alone. Solitary. Talking to inanimate objects. Inanimate objects talk back.

A poet. A lover. A dreamer. A mystic. 

In her world - dream, vision, memory, imagination and reality are all one thing.

The book is so much about loss. How much we lose. Every. Moment. Of. Every. Day. Beautiful. 

She's a quirky, tough little bird. Love her. Love her fiery, determined quirkiness.

What is Life Like?

What is life like? It's pretty interesting. It's kind of like a river, right? A rushing flow of energy. Sometimes you are with the flow, totally in it, and sometimes you are against it, fighting it. Sometimes you float, sometimes you sink.

As George Harrison once sang, "Life goes on within you and without you."

It just is. 

Somehow you find yourself in it. Don't know how or why. You just came to be. And you do your best with it while you have it. Don't really understand it. Don't always appreciate it. But you begin to realize it's pretty unique. Maybe even precious. Even though it's also ubiquitous. And one individual life is just a blip. A flash. An instant.

Everything is alive.  All the time.

Thinking is for Losers!

When one world-class imbecile joins forces with another world-class imbecile, it all sort of makes perfect sense. A Trump/Palin political juggernaut combo is a super pop culture media dream!

I do think this is a media-saturated wet-dream. And being an imbecile doesn't disqualify anyone from anything. Maybe being a total imbecile is actually an asset - in business, in politics, in our social media swamp. 

As an imbecile you can stand up in front of many people and spout pretty much whatever is on the tip of your idiot tongue. Don't need to waste brain power thinking, or questioning yourself, or knowing anything about what you are talking about. If you are a dedicated imbecile you can never be wrong. At least in your own feeble, imbecilic mind.

That kind of confidence of always being right, can't be bottled. You will exude a powerful imbecilic charisma. And it seems there are lots of folks who just want to follow a charismatic imbecile. Especially a loud, tough-talking, specimen that promises to magically fix everything - to fire all the losers, to build a wall around America, to kick ass and be a winner!

This actually isn't anything new. Look at the history of human beings and you will find that rich, powerful imbeciles have pretty much ruled the day.

Basically the message is - You Can Be An Imbecile Too! Banish doubt. Banish negative thinking. Hell, banish thinking all together! Thinking is for losers!

Go Team!

I know I've probably said this before, (Is anyone keeping track?), but it's always best to be onto the next thing!

But it's also important to make sure the next thing is not corrosive to your spirit. Do you believe in "spirit?" You know, "a force within a person that is believed to give the body life, energy & power."

I do believe in that spirit. Go Team!

Take It Easy Across the Land!

I know I'm not the only person who has ever hitchhiked across the country. Ok. Maybe not across the whole country, but how about from Illinois to California? Twice?

I did it back in my college and post-college days. Once, by myself, and once, with a friend. There were many adventures. Good times, bad times. A few amazingly beautiful situations, and a couple really scary situations. I should probably write about it all sometime in detail, but this morning is not that time.

I was living a Kerouac, "Zen and the Motorcycle Maintenance" kind of existence. There was something strange and unsettling and adventurous about leaving your fate and direction up to the next ride. It was sort of reckless. Can't imagine doing it now. Surprised I did it then. But it was a significant time in my life.

I did end up in Winslow, Arizona. And I did stand on a corner. And I did put my thumb out for a ride. I don't believe a girl in a flat-bed Ford picked me up that time. But later, in California, I was picked up by a beautiful young girl in a shiny pickup. 

It was just a short ride. Memorable. Kind of like that song. And I did understand that simple, heartfelt exuberance of being alive that Jackson Browne and Glenn Frey wrote about in their song. "Take it Easy," Glenn.

Remembering the Future!

I'm reading Patti Smith's "M Train," now. More about it later. But it's funny, before I started reading it, I was riding in a taxi, looking out the window, and I remarked to my friend, "What if everything is memory? The past, the present, the future. What if everything is a memory?"

And then I started reading Patti's book, and there's a passage early in the book with the same thought. And I was sort of startled. I mean, I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, the book could very well be called, "Memory Train," and it's about how our lives are overstuffed with memories. We are always recalling what we recall.

But still, I realized that I thought the thought, and then I read the thought, in that order. Maybe I was remembering what I was going to read in the future?!

In Studio: Day of the Dolphin!

Okay. This is funny. We were in the recording studio yesterday, working on harmony parts for a new record which we hope to release sometime in the future called, "Alternate Boot." We still haven't released our latest album, called "The Shadow of the Marigold," it should be released this Spring, but we are already working on the one after that, that's how to do it!

Always be onto the next thing...

But it was a sort of frustrating session yesterday. We could not get into a flow. The studio was cold, and it was hard doing vocal parts. I could not hit notes. Sound could barely escape my mouth. Very strange. Harmonies, and background vocals are not our strength, but I couldn't even make sounds that I can usually make.

I actually sounded like the dolphin from "Day of the Dolphin." Two things. 1. It was a very, very funny, frustrating, humiliating session. 2. We will not be using that harmony part. 

BTW - this is a very sad scene...

Unrepeatable Accidents!

I stole this idea from someone else. Think of your life as if it's "evolution" - a process of growth and development. But think of it all as a series of unrepeatable accidents. A long chain of improbabilities. That's you. That's your life. Unique, unrepeatable, improbable. A series of "mistakes," where there really are no mistakes, just a long, unbroken line of things that happened. You can't plan it. You can't regret it. You just live it.

A Gary Cooper Kind of Morning...

Want to talk politics this morning? Nope. Religion? Nope. Social movements? Nope. Pop culture? Nope. What about that roiling ocean of emotion churning inside of you? Nope. How about some philosophical navel-gazing? Nope. Want to expound on your hopes, your dreams, your fears? Nope. Do want to show how you are witty, sarcastic, wise, dumb, or whatever, etc? Nope. Do you want to explain yourself? Nope.

Just Another Kind of Failure?

Can you enjoy the things you should enjoy? Can you accept a win? Can you revel in a success? Or does all success, seem like an illusion? Just another kind of failure?

Are you destined to be another "Willy Loman?" Shuffling from one bleak encounter to another? That's a sad picture.

You imagine yourself as Sisyphus, pushing that boulder up, then watching it roll back down. And as Camus tells us, we should imagine Sisyphus "happy!" So you imagine Sisyphus happy!

Are you really that kind of Sisyphus? Do you want, what you think you want? Or have you been on a fool's errand from the beginning? Are you lost in the funhouse? A refugee in a hall of mirrors?

Is your whole idea of success and failure just a grand misunderstanding? Dear Pilgrim. Think about it!

Not in the Known Universe!

You work towards something. You get close. You think you are there. And then a contract appears. And you read the contract, and you like the general drift of the thing, good things could happen, an arrangement, a partnership, a business deal, all your hard work, and creative pursuit may actually pan out, but then at the same time you think of all the bad things that could happen, and you remember once in the past you signed a contract, and that signing came back to haunt you big-time, and how you have vowed never to sign anything, and you read some of the language in the contract and it seems a little ominous, and so binding, and sort of cryptic and well, you think it's time to call on a lawyer you can trust to review the damn thing. And you think about all the bands you've read about, the horror stories, and you remember how the infamous Allen Klein screwed over both the Stones and the Beatles and how he was once quoted as saying: "Any contract can be broken!" And you think to yourself, "There is no lawyer in the known Universe that I can trust..."

Bowie & Iggy!

I must say, I was surprised by how much David Bowie's death affected me. I have been a "fan" for a long time, but I reacted as if I really knew the man, and had a personal connection to him. Of course, I only knew and know him through his work. One of those odd pop culture illusions.

Obviously he had been sick for awhile, but that wasn't the image projected into the world. And he did seem to be doing the work even in his last days. Pretty amazing and inspiring. Death comes to us all. It's a hard lesson.

I was thinking about all the records I've listened to over the years, and maybe the one that most impressed me was the album that Bowie produced and collaborated on with Iggy Pop, "The Idiot." It's a dark, icy, strange record. It was one of Bowie's little experiments.

The Bowie/Pop collaboration was an odd beast. Bowie was at the top of his game, and Iggy was pretty much down and out. They went off to Berlin and made some really cool music together. Trying to kick their nastier drug habits together.

One of my favorite books (I've read it a couple times), is called "Bowie in Berlin," and it describes the period of their Berlin adventure together. A remarkable series of records were spawned from their artistic bond - "The Idiot," "Lust for Life," "Low," and "Heroes."

A very, creative, fertile period. So influential over the years for so many other bands. "The Idiot" might be the oddest duck of the bunch. And it's a work that Iggy ended up distancing himself from, thinking maybe the Bowie influence was too great. But it's a phenomenal record. Icy and emotional. Cold and hot. Spiky and dark. So good.

Black Star!

I must say, I find myself totally shocked and saddened to hear that David Bowie has passed away from cancer. Like many, Bowie has been such a major artist for such a long time in my life. On Friday, I stopped into our local vinyl shop and the proprietor showed off Bowie's latest release, "Black Star." The album packaging was so beautiful. Unique and cool. Very much like the man. It was his birthday, 69 and he was releasing a new record. He just seemed so alive!

Never saw him play music live, but did see him do live theater at the Blackstone in Chicago. He played the Elephant Man. It was a powerful performance. All that drama and angst of the character was conveyed by the way Bowie carried his body. An odd, broken thing. I can still recall his cries of anguish in the big theater. It was an amazing, singular performance.

Of course, Bowie also has one singular movie performance too, unforgettable - "The Man Who Fell to Earth." It was a movie and role tailor-made for Bowie. One of the great movies for sure.

And then there is the amazing catalog of records. All of them are worthwhile. I have my favorites - Low, Heroes, Young Americans, Station to Station, Hunky Dory, and even the really big ones like Let's Dance and Scary Monsters. 

Bowie worked with some incredible Producers - Brian Eno, Tony Visconti, and some world-class musicians - Robert Fripp, Nile Rodgers, Andrew Belew immediately come to mind... 

An artist in all ways. Music, theater, fashion, art... a pop culture chameleon too. He will be missed! But he did leave us so much!

Let Time Tick By!

Someone gives you advice, to "go back to the roots." What does that mean? I interpreted it to mean, go to the silence. Sit quiet. Not even meditating. Just sitting. In silence. 

I recommend it. I have this tendency to get "jacked up," and stir things up. And maybe that is my usual mode. But then, there's something to be said for sitting still, being quiet, trying not to do a thing.

Let the world spin. Let events wash over you. I don't think "time is on my side." Not in the big picture. The clock is ticking. And time doesn't last forever. But maybe in the "short term," in the little picture, maybe, just maybe, time can be my friend. 

Let time tick by. 

Harsh Judgements!

You just knew that when Rahm Emanuel stood before the Chicago City Council and cried, you just knew, that there was more evidence of his cover-up to come. What a Cretin. What a washout. What a despicable human being. Add him to the list of "horrible people." Rick Snyder of Michigan too. Poisoning a City is definitely a crime against humanity. Inconvenient facts bump up against the power.  Do I judge too harshly? You know, shit happens, right? But when bad shit happens, we expect the good ones among us to stand up and be accountable. These guys have big-time jobs, they make big-time $. They are supposed to be the "people's representatives." So when they betray the people, deeply, badly, irrevocably, tragically betray, yes, they should be judged harshly.

Asking is Work!

Asking is work. Just ask Amanda Palmer. She is the patron saint of "the Ask!" Our band, whitewolfsonicprincess finished it's crowd-funding experiment, last Sunday. It was kind of an eye-opening experience. Definitely glad I read Amanda's book before we ran with our IndieGoGo Campaign.

She really shows you how to do it. And it pretty much played out as she described it. Turns out some folks really do want to support a project. We don't really have a "crowd," more like a tight, little cult, but people do want to help, do want to donate, do want to give you $.

We went with "flexible funding," which means we would receive the money whether we hit the target or not. It's kind of like being a tight-rope walker with a net! We did fall short of the target, but unlike Kickstarter, it was not all or nothing!

I can't imagine doing an "all or nothing" campaign. I would have been sweating bullets. And really we had no clue. No idea. Not even a glimmer of an idea of how much support we would get. Our target number was totally pulled out of thin air. Not based on anything more than "Wouldn't it Be Nice," which might be a great Beach Boys track, but not really a business plan.

So anyway, we had 1069 people visit our campaign site, and 53 donors donated to our campaign. It's all sort of "mathematical." And we beat the odds - rule of thumb is 3% of the people do everything, we did better than that, nearly 5% of the folks who visited donated! That's phenomenal! Folks from 25 different countries around the world.

How do you do it? You reach out to your friends, your fans, your family. And maybe a few strangers will join in too. Our cult is made up of some really amazing, cool, creative people. 

We will put the money to good use. Bring out our new record, and seed some new projects! It was a totally cool experiment. Lots of work. But gratifying for sure.

We Aren't the Only Ones!

Yeah. How about plants? And all the little critters that run the earth? Do we really, as the supremely egoistic human beings we are, really think that we are the only beings on the planet with "consciousness?"

No wonder we feel disconnected. We don't see the connections all around us.

Don't forget about trees, vines, ferns... and what of the blooming wild cactus - the "moonflower?"

Check out the review of a book by a British naturalist... Think of the natural world as different models of being alive! Different modes!

Maybe our own lives are so odd and foreign to us, because we don't really, can't really, encompass the whole picture. We possess a little slice of consciousness, but it is only one tiny slice of a much bigger pie.

A Universe-sized pie! So yes, consciousness, Universal Consciousness. Tune In!

Then Events Conspire!

And then "events conspire." Is that how it happens? You know, things happened. I didn't make them happen, it's sort of like they happened to me.  All I know for sure, I was there, and things happened around and to me.

It's been a good year, 6 days in. I "cleared" tons of energy. I let things go. Dropped them. They disappeared, evaporated, disintegrated. I freed up a lot of dead energy. Exhilarating. I also created some new things. Things appeared, came into my life. Good things. Positive things. Amazing things.

Do you believe in energy? Do you believe in "psychic energy?" Do you believe that when you create a picture in your head, that picture creates energy, exudes energy, kind of creates a force-field around you?

That's what I learned at "psychic school." I learned how to meditate by sitting quiet, eyes closed, and creating pictures in my head. It's "creative visualization." So you can create and destroy pictures in your head, and the idea is that all that creating and destroying is liberating, enlightening.

You are moving energy! I do believe in energy. Of all kinds. I believe energy is everything. The Universe is energy. As Wm. Blake tells us: "Energy is Eternal Delight." So yes, 6 days in and everything has been transformed. I dropped a ton of dead energy, and re-charged, recreated, re-envisioned a whole new world and way of being.

Most of this "just happened" around me. Things disappeared, things appeared, things left me, things came to me. I was present. Alive. Attentive. Creating and destroying pictures in my head. Is that how you do it? 

One Morning. One Room.

One day. One morning. One room. You find yourself in the clutches of some Kafka-esque, bureaucratic-style, hall of mirrors. Waiting in a room. With many other people, waiting in a room. Paper is being pushed. Lives are being altered at the stroke of a pen, a click of a mouse.

Time stands still. You try to keep your light turned down. Some days it pays to be a "poor schlub," an everyman, just like everybody else. You look around at all the "lonely people." No judgement. You are in this club. Another club you don't really want to join. But here you are.

You meditate. With your eyes open. You focus on a plaque, a picture of an eagle, clutching 13 stars, and the slogan: the United States of America. It has a broader meaning, but you just focus on the shapes and colors. It kind of dissolves before your eyes.

You think to yourself: Everyone here was once someone's beautiful, bouncing, little baby. For some reason this is not only sort of sad, but also sort of comforting...

Deal, Baby!

And then there are times you do something that you've never done before. In your life. Certain things happen, which lead to other things happening, which lead to certain realities.

And even though some people hate the saying, "It is what it is..." sometimes it really is what it is... and you deal. With it. 

No sense in evading. Serpentine maneuvers don't really work. They just make the inevitable more drawn out. And there are some inevitables in life. Not fate exactly, but maybe it feels like fate.

You wake up, face the day, face the music! And deal, baby!

You Do the Work!

I'm paraphrasing and taking off from the movie "Carol." 

You don't say you have talent. You do the work. And let other people say what they will say. Some will say you do, some will say you don't. Whatever.

You do the work.
You do the work.
You do the work.

That's pretty much my credo when it comes to my creative endeavors. You do the work.

The First Day of the New Year!

It has been said, (I don't know exactly by whom), that what you do on the first day of the new year sets the tone for the year. So choose wisely. 

I think we were very wise indeed.

1. A long luxurious, lazy morning. Drinking coffee, listening to an amazing CD carousel of music: The Rolling Stones "Goat's Head Soup," The Who's "Who's Next," U2's "All That You Can't Leave Behind," Buffalo Springfield's "Greatest Hits!," T-Rex's "Electric Warrior." What a great multi-disc album!

2. A long luxurious meditation. Release the energy from the old year, clear space for the new year.

3. Take in a great movie, "Carol." I think Cate Blanchett is my favorite actor. Woman or man. She is fierce, intelligent, lovely, powerful, fully committed, totally inhabits her characters. Icy, vulnerable. Beautiful. Cate never seems to make a bad choice in roles. She is not only a great actress, she is an artist of the highest caliber. Great taste. Brilliant mind. Emotional Intelligence! The movie is a masterpiece. A fever-dream. Rooney Mara is amazing too. Loved this movie. Todd Haynes is a master too. Highly recommended!

4. Dinner at the Phoenix Inn! Good Chinese at Bad Chinese prices. Which in our formula is the Holy Grail.  The formula goes like this: 

1. Good Chinese @ Good Chinese Prices = Good Food, Pricey! Not such a great deal.
2. Bad Chinese @ Good Chinese Prices = Bad Food, Pricey! A terrible deal! 
3. Bad Chinese @ Bad Chinese Prices = Bad Food, Cheap! A good deal, but terrible food. Yuck!
4. Good Chinese @ Bad Chinese Prices = This is the Holy Grail! Good food, cheap!

5. Played music in the kitchen. A duo. Two voices, one guitar. We played songs we wrote together, and songs we love, written by others. So fun, so gratifying!

6. Early to bed! Conked out early. Slept like a baby!

I'm ready for 2016!

2016 Improbable!

Happy New Year. 2016. Seems impossible. I mean, it's just a number, but that number never featured in my vision of the future. But here we are.

You can't help reviewing the year, reviewing your self, reviewing the world. It's a natural time to take an accounting.

Bottom line: still here. 

Last night we had a nice meal and watched "The Royal Tannenbaums," by Wes Anderson and U2's recent concert in Paris.

Two extraordinary experiences. 

We love Wes Anderson's world. Quirky. Heartfelt. Celebrates the oddball nature of a well-formed being. So many great movies. So many great moments. Tannenbaums is one of his best. Every time we hear Nico's voice, the tears flow. 

And U2's "Songs of Innocence & Experience" is an extraordinary show. It's a massively beautiful stadium concert. More like a world-traveling Broadway show. In the best way. These guys are probably the best band in the Universe to captivate a stadium. Their songs, their vision is made for a massive collection of people. So many great anthems. 

There is sadness, beauty, and intelligence in their best songs. And they have lots of them. The video screen, and all the imagery was absolutely astonishing.