I Crave the Deal. I Crave the Wheel.

I crave the deal. I crave the wheel. I used to be a "wheeler-dealer," but now that seems so far away from me; another time, another place, another me. Still, it's part of my psychic makeup, part of my genetic entity.  I come from a long line of "deal-makers," and extremely skilled talkers. I can conjure, I can envision, I can lay out the scenarios with the best of them. 

But lately I've been stymied, halted in my tracks. My words fall on deaf ears. The visions that I envision don't come to pass. I'm shut out.  It's a little maddening. I can feel the rush of the deal. I get a little glimpse of the kick from putting it together, and watching it take flight. I can see it. I can taste it. I'm sure it will all unfold.

And then silence. Nothing. The moment passes. It's a kick I can only imagine now. And I wonder why. Was it all just talk? Am I not seeing clearly? What's missing? Is it me, or the times? Is it bad luck or fate? Is it a new destiny? Or is this just part of it, the part where everything seems useless, where all my visions turn to smoke, where I hit the wall and see no alternative path. But then, the deal emerges, circumstances change, and my ship comes in.

I just don't know... but I crave...