Vote Blue 2020

Vote Blue 2020

Sunday, July 14, 2019

Mixed-Up Confusion!

Swimming in uncertainty.

Thinking about feelings & judgement. What is important? What is puffery?  Is it true that "all that matters is what you feel?" Are our feelings everything, nothing? Obviously my feelings are pretty important to me, but are they really important at all in the grand scheme? Is even asking the question silly? Is there a grand scheme? Is that more puffery?

Does what one feel over-rule what one knows? When we say we know something, is it that we "feel" we know something? Is it all connected, and silly to try to it pull apart? Pollock famously told De Kooning: "You know more, I feel more."

Are we living in a hall of mirrors? Everything we see a mirror, reflecting back at us? What we feel we project onto the Universe, the Universe reflecting back our feelings?

And what of judgement? Judging ourselves, and the world? What's up with that? Is it a dead-end, a sideshow, irrelevant, or everything?

Yikes. I feel like a blindman, stumbling about in a dark closet. I don't really know if I know a damn thing. How does that make me feel? Confused!

I am a long-time meditator. When I meditate I can see my feelings come and go, sort of like clouds, I can see my "judgements," fade and disappear, lose their sting, their meaning. What is left when we drop attachment to our feelings and judgements? What's that silent state, that silent observing state? Is that really the only thing that is real? Is that just another hall of mirrors?

Are we more than our feelings, more than our judgments, more than what we know, more than our bodies? This morning I am full of questions, not so full of answers, I suppose that has been my go-to mode most of my life. It's a bit disorienting. Something tells me my feelings are important, but they are arbitrary, fleeting, insubstantial, same with my judgements. What else do we have? Welcome to my world of Mixed-Up Confusion! 

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