WWSP's "The Alternate Boot!"

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

When is a Metaphor Not a Train?

Yesterday, I was alerted by "the authorities," that a couple of knuckle-heads I used to know, have recently discovered this blog, and they have been doing extensive "opposition research," looking for information to use against me. Oh boy, how exciting - new readers! I checked my stat counter and confirmed that my site traffic has gone through the roof! And all roads lead back to Knuckle-Head Land!

It seems these two bozos are going through my posts over the last 4 years (Blogger tells me there's 1153 posts and counting!) looking for...what? Mixed metaphors? Over-wrought rhetoric? Badly constructed puns? Over-reliance on curse words? Dangling participles? Anyway, these cretins actually filed a complaint against me based on a dramatically placed metaphor. Seems they took it literally. Some people just have no imagination!*

Reviewing my site, one might say maybe it's not the finest writing in the land, but certainly there are no hanging offenses.

So yes, the thought that these two idiots are sitting in a dark room somewhere, pouring over years of my blogs, looking for something to hammer me into the ground with, is kind of funny, kind of creepy too, but hell, when you do a public blog, anyone, and I mean anyone is free to read it.

When you write, you kind of hope you are reaching out to like-minded, cool, creative folks who might stumble across your blog space, but it's probably good to be reminded that there are some really hopeless, pathetic people in the world too. These guys have jobs, they get paid pretty good money (these guys are way over-paid!), and what are they doing all day? Surfing every post I've ever conjured out of my fevered brain! I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Although, on the other hand...

* I actually took the offending post down, not because the complaint had any validity, but simply to extend good feeling and fellowship to those so mentally challenged they can't see a literary device hurtling down the track!


  1. Don't you know we're riding on the Metaphor Express

    Don't you know we're wearing our Sunday finest best

    Passing by Allegory Station
    Look out there's an exclamation!

    Gotta get my ticket PUNched before the conductor ends this ride!

    Don't you know we're riding on the Metaphor Express

    Punctuation Station is looking like a mess

    The trash is overflowing
    With syllables and vowels....
    And the bathrooms are all dangling with participles and towels.

    Here comes the conductor
    with his conductor bag.
    He says I've got to wear this blindfold and this gag.

    There are agents at the next station
    Waiting to arrest me
    Because this metaphor is not a train.

    Don't you know we're riding on the Metaphor Express

    Freedom of Expression at its best!

    Noel and Kris

  2. Noel & Kris ---

    Thanks for this outpouring of poetic genius! This is superb and hilarious! I'm thinking a r&r anthem, I see the whole stadium with their lighters aflame and held high, all the voices singing along and joining in on the rousing final line..."Freedom of Expression at its best!"


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