WWSP's "The Alternate Boot!"

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

OK, maybe Jack is right, I can't handle the truth!

Every day some information comes through the air that is sort of difficult to process. Yesterday I learned:

1. The EPA has buried the fact that major amounts of ASBESTOS (not good for human consumption) have been detected at Oak Street Beach in Chicago. (The EPA has done everything they can to hide this fact - hat tip to Carol Marin NBC News!)

2. The FAA has buried the fact that Southwest Airlines has been flying planes that were supposed to be retired for maintenance. (The FAA inspector is a good friend of the airline - most assuredly on the take!) One wonders why anyone would want to evade the maintenance schedule - save costs? We're talking airplanes! You know flying in the air! What are these idiots thinking?

3. The Federal Reserve pumped 200 billion dollars (that's a lot of cabbage!) into the banking system (a teetering wounded dinosaur) yesterday. (When does the Dollar start looking like a Ruble? How come the Fed can't just give each and every one of us like $50k? I promise to invest it wisely!) When the Conservatives tell us about the invisible hand of market capitalism how do they explain bailing out stupid bankers? NOTE: If the Fed gave $200 billion dollars directly to poor people that would be WELFARE - bad, very, very bad. If the Fed gave $200 billion dollars to the folks who got stupid loans on over-inflated property that would be SOCIALISM - bad, very, very bad. If the Fed bails out banks to the tune of $200 billion dolllars that's MONETARY POLICY - good, very, very good - our free market capitalists think that's cool - there's no such thing as a free lunch unless you're in the club!

4. When the sun collapses and dies, everything in our solar system will be sucked into a black hole. (This is a well-known phenomena, but it popped up again on TV yesterday, just so we don't all let it slide into obscurity).

5. Eliot Spitzer paid $5,000 for two hours with a call girl at the Mayflower Hotel. (What exactly did the guy get in return - Around the World? He must have some great kink don't ya think?). Also, salacious detail #2: he paid $80,000 in one year of call girl frolics! (Now that's what I call ENTERTAINMENT!)

6. The Olympics in Bejing this coming summer may be hazardous to the athlete's health! I guess the air quality is so bad breathing in big gulps of air will be one of the key hurdles to an olympic medal!

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