Faux Fu

Friday, June 25, 2004

Insubstantial, invisible. So much of what I do has no 'substance.' My 'day job' consists of monologue, soliloqy, dialogue: speaking, listening and responding. I have learned that I can't/don't make things happen. Instead, I conjure a vision and hope that my vision corresponds to another's. If not, I bump up against unforseen realities and then I must adjust, recalibrate. Basically, my job is to anticipate the unforseen, and make it part of my vision.

This takes a lot of energy, and it's hard to mark progress, but in some ways, this is a perfect job. It corresponds to my passion: writing plays. I'm throwing pictures out into the world. Once they're out, they have a life of their own, and then they disappear.

It's the 'flow and transformation of energy.' It is very liberating to 'know' what I do. The goal is to be free: of guilt, of fear, of pride. To be open to the world. Must be humble, like the rock, the drop of water, the leaf, as it falls from the tree to the ground.

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