That is a strategy for coping. Meditation helps. Which is weird, because you are basically sitting quietly, focusing your mind. There a few handy techniques: picture a scene, repeat a mantra, or a short prayer, concentrate on each breath, still the mad hurly-burly river of thoughts raging inside your crazy-making head.
Remember you are more than your thoughts, your feelings, your body. Sometimes, it's easy to forget. You get carried away, lost, sort of like drowning in a sea of your own conjuring.
Last night I had a weird panic-attack. Funny. A day of rest, a day where I really had nowhere to go, led to an uncommon, and strange attack of panic just before going to sleep.
I had spent most of the day working on new songs. One of my favorite things in the world to do. New lyrics, new riffs, new chord progressions. Finding rhythms & melodies. But the day was a drift. I mean, I was adrift. That's probably when we are most vulnerable, when we are at the whim of the moment, the day. No telling where you will go.
Of course, that's also an opportunity. You get to choose new paths, grab onto new ideas. Create new realities.
Anyway, the panic passed. I sat up in bed. Concentrated on my breathing. One breath, one breath, one breath. Cleared my head. Found a calm center and then had a nice, long, restful sleep. That "under siege" feeling seems to have passed. Clear head, clear breathing this morning.
What is the A.M. soundtrack? The National's "The Boxer." (2007). A great American band. A fabulous record. The first piano notes of the first song on this record grab you. "Fake Empire" is one of the anthems of the 2000's. Matt Berninger has a unique, soothing, baritone voice. It sounds "reassuring," it's seductive, but his lyrics always take you to unexpected places. I mean he is a superb lyricist, always surprising, sometimes he takes you to very dark & twisted alleyways. He is a man with a raging, contradictory tornado inside. He sounds like a man grounded, but he is actually a man awhirl. We own a bunch of the National's discography. Every record is exceptional. The band is tremendous. Bryan Devendorf is one of the great drummers. No cliches. Everything well-executed, layered, songs often build to satisfying crescendos. Surprising. Shimmering production. Great stuff. No doubt. Oh yeah, of course, we all do live in a Fake Empire. Half-awake. Didn't you know?!
Stay out super late tonight picking apples, making pies
Put a little something in our lemonade and take it with us
We're half awake in a fake empire
We're half awake in a fake empire
Tiptoe through our shiny city with our diamond slippers on
Do our gay ballet on ice, bluebirds on our shoulders
We're half awake in a fake empire
We're half awake in a fake empire
Turn the light out say goodnight, no thinking for a little while
Let's not try to figure out everything at once
It's hard to keep track of you falling through the sky
We're half awake in a fake empire
We're half awake in a fake empire
