Growing Vaporous...

New thought.

Really, this one came to me this morning, mid-cup, drinking a hearty brew named "Love Buzz," listening to the radio, sitting quietly, expectantly.

Not often new thoughts just pop up in my brain.

As I find myself growing older, the story of my life growing longer, I believe that instead of becoming "set in my ways," instead of "hardening" my views, instead of getting slower, heavier, more concrete, I seem to be turning vaporous.

I am lighter. Less substantial. More sensitive. More liable to change. More fungible. More permeable. Less connected to the world. Sitting lighter on the day to day. More like a feather. Or a leaf. Carried this way and that in the breeze.

My nerve endings are super-conductors. Reaching beyond my body. I seem to see more clearly. Not quite X-Ray vision, but I am seeing through and beyond things. Weird. I have premonitions. Intuitions. Dreams. They come to me as real events, as real as "reality."

Everything counts, and now, I seem to count everything. Sensitive to light, to temperature, to what I take in, to what I hear, see, smell. All my senses seem to be getting stronger, more attuned, more plugged in.

I watch myself, even as my sense of self sort of flickers. I notice my thoughts, my feelings, the workings of my body as things beyond me, outside of me. Not sure exactly what "me" is.

So, yes, I feel less like a body of bones, organs & flesh. More like a cloud, a vapor, a mist. But with a heightened ability to sense the world around me.  It's a bit strange. I feel more delicate, even as my feelings, my senses are sharpened, more perceptive & receptive, more amped up.

The a.m. soundtrack - The Dirty Three's  (an Australian instrumental rock band, consisting of Warren Ellis (violin and bass guitar), Mick Turner (electric and bass guitars) and Jim White (drums), which formed in 1992.)  "She Has No Strings, Apollo" (2003). What to say? Hard to write about music. It really is best to just experience it.  To let the vibrations wash over you. The Dirty Three is a band led by the great Warren Ellis, more famous for his work with Nick Cave, but this project is just as important, compelling, beautiful, graceful, powerful, inspiring. Three amazing, incredibly-gifted musicians with a fabulous affinity for each other. Every one of their albums (we own 4 of them, shite, why don't we own every one of them?!) are just wonderful. Each has a bit different mood, each album stands on it's own, but all of their work speaks of joy, thunder, rain, darkness & light.