Chip on My Shoulder...

Folk #1: I can't explain it. I believe I was born with a "chip on my shoulder."  Not sure how, why, or when that happened. A quirk of birth? Do you believe in Past Lives? I am deeply unsure. Although, I kind of like the idea. It is appealing to think we are engaged in a long series of repeating lives, working through our shit, having to come back over and over, because some shit just takes multiple lifetimes to fix. So, anyway, I have spent much my Life attending to that chip. Tuning out the "needing, wanting, grasping" radio station, and spending many, many hours trying to perfect a state of Peace & Calm: meditating, concentrated deep breathing, chilling out, trying to sand off the sharp edges of my Spirit & Being. You know ZEN & Be Here Now. I take that chip off of my shoulder and put it away in a dark corner. Funny, it can easily be placed right back on my shoulder in an instant. Some days, I wake up with that chip, edgy as fuck. Or, sometimes it's a comment, or a situation, or just a certain look from a certain person and wham, that chip is right there pointy, cutting, sharp as a razor. And, of course, the crazy-ass nature of our out of control, totally unhinged shitshow of our current time makes having a chip on my shoulder seem like the right and natural state. What's happening in the world right now? I am against it! So, I have used that chip, that edgy-ness, to drive myself, to prod others, and to try to "make things happen." Which may be an illusion. Does anyone really make anything happen? Or does shit just happen? And then, well, I face the music, attend to the details, and make hash of my own little reality. Lately, I have been  starting my days, which sometimes start at an ungodly hour in the morning, when it's still pitch-black out, listening to Lou Reed's song Junior Dad. He recorded it with Metallica. The lyrics are dark, sad, violent, recounting a difficult relationship with his (the character's),  father. It was one of the last things Lou recorded. There is a beautiful extended droning instrumental at the end. 19 mintues of turmoil, sadness, anger & bliss. I don't know, this song speaks to me right now unlike anything else. "The greatest disappointment..."  I can't deny that chip is sitting there, asking to be fed. It's there, has always been there. I am working on it, doing what I can make it work for me, and not against me. It's at least one life-long process...