Kool Thing

In this alternate universe (not far away) there is this guy Obama who is too cool, too tall, too smiley, too intelligent, too articulate. His speeches are just too damn good. He seems to have a bunch of too good answers to all our crazy ass problems. People seem to like him way too much. Everywhere he goes people really respond way too enthusiastically.

It's all just so unfair. Everywhere he goes he comes across as some kind of great man or something. He's starting to make people uncomfortable. I mean, that's not the kind of guy America usually has in mind for the top job.

Folks start to wonder, do we really want someone who is smarter, more charismatic, more together than the next guy? Is that really what we want for America? Is that patriotic?

Is he gonna explain himself? Can he defend his actions? How is he gonna answer for this? Thank god we have the media gods working hard to bring this guy back to reality. His campaign is just way too good, the media seems totally bummed out.

Maybe he could put on a couple of more pounds? Smile a little less? Dumb down his speeches a little? Promise to conduct more, bloody pointless foreign conflicts? Be a little more close-minded and cranky? Start chewing tobacco? Act a little older? Pretend to have a limp? Something!?!

By the way, apropos of nothing, here's Sonic Youth playing their would-be hit Kool Thing: