WWSP's "The Alternate Boot!"

Monday, June 13, 2005

A Nashville Nadir

This is a test...this is only a test... Well, (as per Woody Allen), if "god" wanted to test me, why couldn't it be mutiple choice? I have entered some nether zone...the last place on earth I want to be...at a Department of Energy (Bush's energy plan? An industry boondoggle, hey let's kill A-rabs to keep the oil flowing!) conference in Nashville, Tennessee. I'm staying at a smiley-faced, Facsist/Authoritarian (everything is so neat and orderly, everything has it's place, everyone is so happy, there is no life, spontenaity, disorder, diversity...HELP!) Paradise, an Air Conditioned Wonder, called OPRYLAND. It is an enormous, and enormously ridiculous place (a sanitized "Mall on Steroids,") with inane little shops, hideous decor, a slowly revolving restuarant, an incomprehensible floor plan - "I know my room is somewhere in the Cascades quadrant," --- the coffee is weak, the food is..."Please do not feed the ducks and fish, your food is INDIGESTIBLE TO THEM" - yes, I know what you mean, it's a false place...a place where falseness is the norm.

I just knew it was gonna be bad. I left Chicago Sunday morning, kissed the Lovely Carla on the forehead and headed out the door... her last words, before "goodbye" and "I love you," "Nashville...you'll be like a fish out of water..." oh yes, the words are so true...I'm flopping around down here, gasping for air, looking for my sweet and comfortable aquarium. This is what all those meditation classes were about, to give me the strength to put up with this shit! I know someone (from appearances a lot of someone's) must like this place, but "It ain't me babe!" There must be something cool down here, (I think to myself - both Dylan (Blonde on Blonde) and Neil Young (Harvest) recorded great albums down here) but the cool cats, the funky little studios, the great session musicians, they must be off the beaten track, hiding out in some dark smokey bar, or jamming in some basement hideout. So, I'm here til Wednesday morning...hmmm. There must be something I can find that will make me smile...well, we'll just have to wait and see on that pardner....

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