Artistic Tribe & Vibe...

We met on a frigid, snowy, icy, night at one of our favorite Thai restaurants.

A person that we know only from their work, some amazing and beautiful recordings. We think: this person has a finely-honed artistic sensibility. Maybe it just happens? Time, experience and character all come together. 

When we meet, and we speak together, it is clear that even though we all come from different times  and places, with a vast range of different influences, we are all still talking the same language.

It is a meld of who we are, where we come from, how we carry ourselves, how we think about music and the making of music, and the other arts too. There is a simpatico vibe in the air. You think: this is a creative collaborator we can work with. Exciting. Rare. Cool. 

Meeting someone from our tribe, they speak without doubts or apologies "Yes, doing what we love to do with love, for the love of the doing."  Yes. Of course. Damn the torpedoes. 

Essential Questions...

"The more you look, the more you see."  Robert Pirisig  Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

I first read this seminal novel when I was a 19 year old hitching-hiking across the USA from Chicago to San Diego. I was armed with a back-pack, a change of clothes, a pocket-knife, a couple Snickers bars, a bandana, $100 dollars in my shoe, and Pirsig's book. What the fuck was I doing? Looking for adventure. I was living a bit of a fantasy inspired by Jack Kerouac, Gary Snyder and Pirsig too. Trying to get out of my life, to open the door to new experiences. I think it was similar to what my father was doing when he enlisted in the Army and was shipped off to Korea in the 50's.

In retrospect, for instance, this morning, this little adventure of mine seems a bit wrong-headed, crazy and dumb. I should probably write about it in detail some time. I put myself in harm's way, got into some dicey situations, luckily, by the "grace of god," or just plum good luck, I emerged relatively unscathed. There were some amazingly cool encounters, and I also dodged a few catastrophic calamities. You know, it really was a mad adventure. I had no idea what I was doing, except, going West. I don't regret making the trip, I am still surprised I actually did it. If I remember correctly, I was stubborn and determined, and thought I "had to do it." I wouldn't try that today, and wouldn't recommend anyone else trying it either.  It's dangerous out there, too many lonely and desperate folks out on the roads. I didn't know what I didn't know. It could have been a sad debacle.

Risky behavior. No doubt. Still, I lived to tell the tale.

Anyway, I am re-reading Pirsig's book now. Revisiting it to see if it still holds up, if it still seems wise and amazing. I think, so far,  about 100 pages in, it does. It's a book that asks big questions. The kind of questions you don't usually ask in your day to day, but maybe should. It does feel like it's from a time and place that no longer exists. But, then again, it still seems relevant, ghostly. Maybe even essential.

I think it has thrown me back into a bit of an existential crisis. Not unusual for me. Maybe, actually, my usual mode. Wondering: What do I know? What do I believe? What the fuck is going on? What the fuck am I doing with my life? You know, deep, kind of unanswerable questions that go to the heart of the matter.

Yes. The book is doing it's thing. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.  The more you look, the more you see.  Also, maybe, the more looking, the more seeing, the less knowing? It's that kind of book.

Edged By Madness...

Maybe the surprising part, was coming to grips with the idea that Human Beings are quite desperate, and totally mad. You know, as in looney & crazy. I think growing up I saw and felt a sort of craziness hovering over and around everything, but I turned to this tentative illusion/delusion that adults had their shit together. Sure lots of human activity seemed contradictory, nonsensical, weird, and pretty much unexplainable, but then, as a kid, I thought, maybe there was something going on that would finally explain it all. Nope. That first intuition was pretty spot on. Human Beings are an irrational species pretending to be rational. Rationality is just a mask we all wear from time to time. We possess a whole array of masks, which we put on and take off at the drop of a hat. We have these big brains, and we have big dreams, and we convince ourselves that we are a super-smart species, but you know, it's kind of true, and also kind of not true, you know an elaborate con-job. Look around. Madness. Stupidity. A crazy, sometimes murderous desperation. That seems to drive so much of our human activity. At least much of the heinous, regrettable, and horrible things we do. If you step back and watch, it's kind of enthralling & amazing to observe. Of course, we can't separate ourselves from the craziness. We are all implicated in it, we all swim in it. But now that I think of it, even this either/or framing is wrong-headed and a bit crazy-making too. Human Beings are caught on the horns of an immense number of contradictory impulses, we are nailed to our own personal crosses; a multitude of dichotomies: Sane/Insane, Rational/Irrational, Loving/Hateful, Intelligent/Stupid, Murderous/Kind, Creative/Destructive, Life-Seeking/Death-Courting. That's doesn't mean we can't live decent lives.  If we try. We bounce back and forth across the spectrum in the clutches of these dichotomies. We can acknowledge that we are completely nuts and at the same try think rationally. Maybe acknowledging that we are stuck in contradiction, is the first step towards a tiny ray of clarity? Or maybe not. Who knows? Once you realize you are lost in an elaborate hall of mirrors, a vast spectrum of competing ideas, impulses, emotions, maybe you can cultivate a bit of humility? I mean, once we try to dispose of our narcissistic illusions of grandeur. Maybe we should try to simplify our lives in the face of an overwhelmingly complex circumstances? Lean to simplicity or embrace complexity? Keep your feet on the ground, eat well, sleep well, do something with integrity & heart. Feed your soul if you think you have one. Feed your head, but be careful what you feed upon. Maybe we can fool ourselves into trying to be sensible. Maybe the solution is "The Way of the Fool?" You want to reach for big words and concepts like Love, Truth, Beauty, Intelligence. But those are shadowy Chimeras. They are Unicorns that we must chase down and wrestle with. You want to find an escape hatch, a place of clarity, a solid reality, but everything is edged by a certain madness and a crazy clarity, and it's all wobbly, sort of like a never-ending fever-dream dancing before our lonely, hungry eyes.  The dream masquerading as nightmare, taunting us with promises of joy and despair. "Mr. Big-Stuff, who do you think you are?" Aware, alive, awake in the Sea of Possibilities. It appears to be the best of all possible worlds, the worst too. I mean, I am just spit-balling here. What's good? Life & Life Affirming things. To an extent. That's sort of a start. Beyond that, "Only the Shadow Knows?"

Good Or Not So Good?

What separates a "good day," and a "not so good day?" Sometimes it's all about tiny degrees of distinction, the delicate mix of chemical substances. There is a mysterious alchemy of multiple forces at work. You try to do your part, but then there are all these other ingredients that have to converge or conspire. Things descend and settle upon you. 

At the end of of the day you do a quick inventory, and declare that was a good day. The elements: a fairly restful sleep without haunting, crazy-ass dreams, a good coffee brew, a hot bath, good tunes on the sound-system, a varied musical mix: Velvet Underground, Father John Misty, Beatles, Talk Talk and Tindersticks. Dressed warm for a cold day, and stayed warm. Solid boots on the ground. Sure steps on ice and snow. Made all the appointed rounds on-time & in high spirits.

A good meal, vegetarian pasta, of course, went to the studio and set up our p.a. gear for a rehearsal session which we will do later today. Doing the necessary tasks. Nothing flashy, just showing up and doing the doing.

Watched an amazing South Korean show on Netflix called "Alchemy of Souls," we are already on episode 11. Yes. Great show. Beautiful, funny, powerful, martial arts, adventure, fantasy, the show has it all. It was a recommendation from Patti Smith via her Instagram account. Over the years Patti has been a reliable source of great shows and books. She has turned us on to the books of Roberto Bolano, Haruki Murakmi's "The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle,"  & the detective series "The Killing." Talk about life-affirming!

Anyway we sipped some Kombucha , a tasty apple-cinnamon concoction, while we watched beautiful and graceful South Korean Mages wield big flashy swords and conjured up improbable magic. A great way to end the day. Yes, we hit the pillows feeling satisfied. That was a good one.

A Mind Thinking About Minds...

 "A mind is a terrible thing to waste." 

Yes. That's a good one. But no one really gives you a good rule book on the best strategies for cultivating and protecting your mind. So much of what happens in our lives is so episodic, and circumstantial. Being "raised in the Church," is one strategy, but it's got it's own horrors, false roads and pitfalls. You don't get to pick your family, you are just born into a little cult and must deal with it for good and bad. And then who you meet, who you hang with, what you do, all seems so very iffy and arbitrary.

Learning to read & write. Those are useful tools, and they expand your circle of influences. Plugging into the culture is another avenue, but of course, it can be an expansive or a totally destructive adventure. What fires you up? What cools you down? It is all so personal. Who is in your peer group? And what will you do to fit in?

The time and place of our birth, the geography, the culture, the air that that we inhale, help make us who and what we become.

Every step of the way, we are building a world in our heads; an elaborate edifice we call mind. Our mind can be filled with wonder or horror; most likely filled with both ends of the spectrum and everything in between. How you apply it, what you think, and how you act on what think defines our life. 

Is it best to have an open mind? Or a closed mind? What about changing your mind? 

It is easy to see how other human beings have ideas and dreams floating around in their minds that totally lead them astray. It's hard to see into our own falsities, little madnesses, fruitless dead-ends, and crazy rabbit holes.

We look at the history of humanity and pick out the best kernels of wisdom, we think maybe we can live a good, fruitful life by clinging to big words and concepts like: Truth, Beauty, Kindness, Humility, Contemplation. Who do we admire? Who do we want to emulate? Who are our "role models?" What do we think of History's Thugs, Murderers, Humanitarians, Scoundrels and Saints?

Meditation, thinking, breathing. Leaning to the Light. Trying to be Good. To live a Good life. Is that good enough? Is that enough of a Code to Live By? 

I don't know. I'm just doing the best I can with the mind I have... how about you?

It's All About the Gear...

Extreme conditions, ok, maybe that is overstating things, maybe not exactly extreme conditions yesterday, just cold, sloppy, snowy. The kind of weather that reveals the flaws in your gear. Those cool-looking, super-comfortable UGG boots that you love just don't cut it. It quickly became clear that those boots  absorb the cold & wetness like sponges, turning one's feet into wet, freezing appendages. Yikes. And those serious-looking North Face gloves, turned out to be pretenders too. Marketing over reality. Finger-tips turning to ice. Later in the day I had to recalibrate. Back to my black, heavy-duty Timberland boots. They bring a certain gravity to every step; water-proof, battle-tested. And I found a different set of gloves that did a better job keeping my hands warm. I need those toes and fingers. That's the acid-test at the end of the day. Is everything still in working order? Yes. I made it. Didn't fall down either, although I was doing quite a bit of slipping and sliding. Dancing on snow and ice. 

The Art of Not Falling Down...

Snow here. A nice coat of white overnight, nothing too challenging. Still, knowing that we have to venture out there today, things are immediately clarified & simplified. The mantra in our heads and on our lips today will reflect a basic desire to survive.

"Don't fall down." 

Really, that's it. There comes a time in your life when falling down just isn't acceptable. When you were younger, more flexible, a bit spryer, falling down wasn't necessarily catastrophic. You could fall down, get back up, dust yourself off and carry on, no problem. Might even be a little prelude to a funny story. "Remember when we were roller-blading down that hill and you ended up under that hedge and I was splayed out beneath that willow tree? And those squirrels were chattering at us like we were nuts?"

That all changes as the years roll out. A new day, a new reality. Falling down is just not done.  So with every step, every move, every action that simple, homely, mantra rules. Today, success will mean getting back home in one piece, incident-free.  

There is a bit of clarity in the knowing...

What We Do is What We Are...

Plugging away. Existence. Right. Here. Right. Now. What do we do with our precious time? Seems the Existentialists are correct: What we do defines us. Not so much what we think, what we desire, what we tell ourselves or others, but what we actually do. Every day. I came across this idea: Existence before Essence. We are born with "original essence." But how we apply it, how we expend it, how we live it, what we do, makes us what we are.

Energy & Power...

Yes. One of my favorite lines from William Blake: "Energy is Eternal Delight."

I am personally fascinated by the ebbs and flows of energy. I have always been a bit of an up and down personality, think: Yo-Yo. Thus the Dumps/Sunny dichotomy. My favorite beverage, coffee, tends to stoke the fire in my belly. I use that special brew to kick-start every morning. As a friend once said to me: Coffee is the Will to Live.  Yes. It's true. I do so love to be stoked.

But, then, sometimes energy fails to surge. I recently experienced a Mojo-Deficit. It happens. "What goes up, must come down." It's true, we are all slaves to gravity in in various realms. There is a pattern, expend lots of energy, psyche up for a major task, or adventure, and, well, energy may be eternal delight, but it is not infinite.

As I get older, I realize I must pick and choose how best to expend my energy. There is a process of elimination: people, activities, concerns, worries, fears. I can let go many things to focus on the essential things. Essential to me. And although I always tend to want to be "lit," to turn the flame up high, I mean, it truly is my natural tendency, my nature, I realize it is a smart thing to try to find a healthy balance, to use my energy wisely.

I look back at my younger years, my earlier selves, and I am astonished and disappointed at how I wasted my energy on contradictory, silly, soul-killing things. I strongly dispute another of Blake's lines: "The Road of Excess Leads to the Palace of Wisdom." I don't think so. Firstly, too much excess "makes the baby go blind." Look around, and see all the casualties on the road of excess. Many of our fellow travelers never get close to any kind of wisdom, instead they end up drugged, broken, an early and/or simply sad, pointless death. Too many folks end up victims of the sex, drugs & r&r lifestyle.

Neil Young once sang, "Better to burn out, than to fade away." I say, bullshit. A great line in a great song, but so wrong-headed & wrong-spirited. So maybe not so great. That burn out/fade away idea is a false road. How about sometimes you turn the flame up high, sometimes you lower it? You find a balance to keep going. A better idea comes from a Dylan song: "He not busy being born, is busy dying." Right. Always be improvising. Find out what works, what is life-affirming. Don't get stuck with wrong ideas, bad habits. Lean to the light: renew, recharge, rethink. 

Sometimes, as Nancy Reagan once told us, (yes, I ridiculed her at the time), often the smart thing to do is to "Just Say No." Right, Nancy. There is a big, fat, beckoning and seductive world of ideas that should be met with a resounding, soulful "No!" There is the Power of Yes, and the Power of No. The Wise Ones figure out how best to juggle those two magnificent powers.

Close Listening with Utmost Attention...

Oh my... it is all about music over here. 

Yesterday, we received early mixes of two of the songs we recorded with our band at the big-time studio a couple weeks ago. It's kind cool to hear all 8 musicians in all their technicolor glory bringing it on these two songs. The original recording engineer also did the mixes. We weren't sure if he was the right person for the job, but listening to these tracks, it turns out, yes, indeed, he is the right person. No doubt. His first crack at it is magnificent.

We spent all late afternoon and early evening playing these tracks on various devices. Close listening with utmost attention. At first it was a bit overwhelming. There is so much going on, we really have manifested a "wall of sound." It's clear we need to make a few fixes, minor things, a bit of extraneous noise here and there, we need to adjust a few volume levels, surely we will go thru a round of revisions, but, so happy with what we are hearing. Proof that we really did catch a bit of lightening in the bottle at those sessions.

I went to sleep all abuzz. Sound-waves dancing in my head. That's when Nick Cave's voice (circa 2010), emerged. In the dead of night, in a deep, dead-man-like, sleep, Nick in his over-amped guise as frontman in Grinderman 2, Nick in his Dirk Diggler, "porn-stache," guitar-wielding incarnation boldly intoned:

"She don’t care about Allah

She is the Allah!

She don’t care about Buddha

She is the Buddha!

Cause she’s a heathen child!

She’s a heathen child!

Yeah she’s a heathen child!

She’s a heathen child!"

Amen brother. Ok. It's wasn't the greatest, most restful sleep, but music animates the spirit, no doubt, no worries, no complaints.

Songwriting? Who Knows?!

Songwriting...

I find that if I wait for inspiration, songs come few and far between. The most likely possibility in the great sea of impossibilities to even conceive of coming up with a song (I have written or co-written over 60 songs, not all of them keepers, over the years),  is to hold a guitar in my hand, and to start exploring the fret-board. This is a method endorsed by both Jeff Tweedy and Keith Richards. You want to write a song? Keep a guitar, or your preferred musical instrument of choice, close to hand, pick it up, and play something. Jeff has written vividly about his daily songwriting practice, and at the peak of Keith's songwriting experience (1965 - 1972), he always had a guitar in hand, he'd often go to sleep with a guitar lying by his side.

This all became real again for me a couple days ago. I was feeling kind of lousy, I had a "Mojo-Deficit," low energy, a bit surly, Jimmy Dumps was wrestling with Sunny Jimmy, and Dumps was winning. I was not in a good or creative mood. I decided to go to our rehearsal studio, alone, just to "goof around" with my guitar. I was thinking I'd just work on my gear, maybe put on some new strings, tweak my preamp settings, adjust my amp, try to refine my "tone." Searching for tone, it's kind of like searching for the Holy Grail; a never-ending quest for some mythical perfection. Ask any guitar player you know, they will tell you about their journeys in the pursuit of tone.

I set up my guitar rig, but then ignored it. I sat on a large, leather couch in the studio, and just started banging away on my guitar. It's an old timer, that beat, old acoustic guitar has been with me for decades. Funny. I just accidentally started to strum in a very aggressive way, a strumming pattern that was "new," and I kind of found a groove in the strumming. I also put my fingers in unlikely configurations on the fret-board. Was it agreeably musical? Maybe. I wasn't thinking, just doing. And then once I got a groove going, picking out unlikely notes, I just started singing off the top of my head. Words, with no fore-thought, just materialized out of the air, and tripped off my tongue.

About 30 minutes later a gnarly, freshly-hatched song emerged. I am always surprised when that happens. Is it any good? Who knows? Will it actually make it to a band rehearsal? The jury is still out. But, the makings of a real song did appear out of the lethargy, and gloom. I was inspired, after  the song appeared. There is a lesson there, embedded in the experience of just doing it. Sometimes, you do it, and then figure you will make sense of it all sometime later, down the line.

Schlepping & Luxury...

I do live the "life of a schlepper," you know, I come from a long line of working stiffs. And that's ok. Some days I feel lucky that I have a job to do. A reason to get up, and get out into the world. I avoid toxic people at all costs, I don't answer to anyone I don't respect, or trust. I can be very selective on what I do, and the clients for whom I do the work.

But sometimes I think I do live a life of luxury. For instance, yesterday, late afternoon, I found myself on the couch with my amazingly fabulous headphones (Grado Prestige series 325x), and a little maroon Sony Walkman (late 1990's model) perched on my chest. I am a fool for old, well-made, well-preserved, tech; I love spinning those shiny silver discs on a portable player. 

I think of these couch sessions as musical therapy. I go into a sort of trance, and let the sonic waves wash over me. I find these sessions so renewing, refreshing, & recharging. I did a long, meandering listening session yesterday. What did I listen to? A pretty interesting mix of albums, and yes, I am one of those folks who believes a record album is one of our highest art-forms:

Eleventh Dream Days' "Ursa Major"  (1994) - Crashing. Crazy-Horse-Like.

Mogwai's "Happy Songs for Happy People" (2003) - Vivid. Powerful.

Nick Cave & Warren Ellis' "Carnage" (2021) Transcendent. Luxurious.

Nick Cave & Co. -  "Grinderman 2"  (2010) - Vivacious. Audacious.

This morning feeling clear-headed. Fortified.

Real & Surreal...

Real & Surreal...

I was walking the lakefront with a furry friend. The day a bit raw, gray, but no wind. I was dressed for heavy weather. A beach with a calm, shimmering lake on one side, a large looming concrete wall on the other side. Beyond the wall, an enormous tree. 5 men, an odd tribe of tree folk, dressed in heavy, black garments, defying gravity, arrayed on branches of a truly massively-naked, tree. Trimming heavy, dark, twisting, branches. One man, at the top branch, maybe at least 175-200 feet in the air. Dangling by ropes. So weird. "Tree-trimmers" doesn't really capture the strangeness and the bald, dangerousness of the scene. An unlikely tree, gnarly, bare branches reaching into the void, a dark skeletal structure, in a realm between alive and dead, 5 men, with ropes and saws, hacking away at the stone-like wood. Death-defying work. Unlikely and strange.

Later, I walked into a house, a man; bald-headed, comfortable in a large puffy green chair, sat with a virtual-reality headset on his head; the large, plastic googles covering his eyes. He could hear me rustling around, briefly disoriented, his head turned my way, blind to the room, alive in another reality. I was there to attach a leash to a collar on a dog to go for a walk. The man pulled the headset down and joyously exclaimed: "I am watching a movie with my son. He is right here with me."  He pointed to the emptiness next to him in the chair. The man then put the headset back on, and sank back into the cushions. I walked out the door with my furry friend. Unlikely and strange.

Glimmer & Gloom...

You know, you'd prefer to always wax poetic. You'd prefer to be always transcending & transforming. Tripping from one peak experience to another. Always alive in a world of wonder & astonishment.

Sure, you live for those days.

Unfortunately, many of your days are actually all about slogging, rolling in the mud, trudging thru, navigating a cold, gray, raw, starkly-brutal landscape. A Northwest wind cutting across the land like a murderous cabal of ice-picks. They penetrate your forehead, and freeze-dry your frontal cortex. You can curse the wind, curse the day, curse your lot in life.

But it does no good. Your words are pointless, they fall like dead leaves, and and they blow away with the dirt and trashy hurly-burly. 

Getting thru. Carrying on. Knowing there will be better days some time. You hold that thought deep down in your solar plexus. This dark blast will not last. The sun will rise. One day. Maybe soon. That's the slight, paper-thin reed & glimmer you need, even if everything today is gloom. Today will not always be.

Logistics & Maintenance...

I used to think I was here to figure out the big existential questions. Is there a Creator? What is the Meaning of Life? Why are we here? Where do we go when we die? It seemed like all the serious thinkers & philosophers were grappling with the great and mighty questions. Why not I?

I now think those questions are pretty much irrelevant, a waste of time, and brain-power. We are here now. It is much more important and relevant to work out the logistics of being here, alive, and in the moment. We are here to figure out  how to live. Now. Realizing we have choices, it is up to us how we spend our time. Yes. Life. Up to us.

I now think we should spend lots of time on Logistics & Maintenance. What do we do with the time we have here on the planet? How to keep our bodies clean (in all ways), and in good working order?  How to eat a healthy, well-balanced diet? How to be active: walking, biking, exercising in a challenging, fun and gratifying way?  How to exercise our brains & expand our hearts and souls? 

Worthy activities: reading, writing, creating, dreaming, thinking.

Paying attention to the details of our lives. The Big Questions on the docket for a typical day: What to wear? What to eat? Where to go? What records to spin on the stereo? What books to read? How will we entertain ourselves, and others too?

Frequently checking in with yourself to see if everything is in good working order.

Want to get spiritual? 

Spend lots of time in the natural world. Take your cues and lessons from Nature. Observe the cycles & seasons. Make friends with the Sun, the Moon, the Stars. Observe the blooming of a rose, and the inevitable decay, and then, the rebirth. Listen to your heartbeat. Pay attention to the workings and processes of your body, your mind, your soul.

Best to walk the mystical path on practical feet. Breathe. Sit quietly in a comfortable chair. Close your eyes. Meditate. Cultivate silence. If you fill yourself up with practical, real things, there is no reason, or time, to worry about those large, looming unanswerable questions.

Know Your History...

Well, yeah, my mantra is usually "live in the moment," or "be here now," but, of course, in order to be an "intelligent" being you must know your history. You need to examine why and how we all got to this particular moment. You need to examine this on a personal level and also on the societal, cultural & political levels. "What is the frequency, Kenneth?'

It's a big job. Being informed, trying to make yourself an intelligence-seeking entity. And the Human Story is complicated, often contradictory & completely messy. It is probably a life-long quest: to try to understand what the fuck happened? Reading and thinking is your best tool to pursue this kind of understanding. There is a unchained river, an enormous always growing & peaking mountain of books to read. You can never get to them all in a mere lifetime. So all your "understanding" will be paltry and partial. When confronted with the thorniest questions, you will often find yourself saying, "I don't rightly know."

You can listen to intelligent folks, seek them out, read and ponder. Best to assume you don't know jack-shit.You need to smarten up your self. You want simple answers to complicated questions, but that's not really how it works.

Intelligence. You can give it go.  I came across this amazing post from Teri Kanefield, a smart, learned thinker and writer, she asks "Can Democracy Survive in America?"  It's a bold, provocative, loaded, & potent question. And the answer covers lots of territory. In order to answer the question, or even to make the attempt, you need to know lots of shite about lots of shite. And you need to give a shit. You need to pay attention, to think about what went down long before, and explore how and why we find ourselves in this particular moment, right now.

So, yeah, if you don't want to be a complete fool & dolt,  please do live in the moment, but swim in the history of the world too. You gotta work at it. As Ringo Starr once said in a song, "It Don't Come Easy." Get your shit together. "Feed your head." Get smart. Read. Think.

January 16, 2023 - Martin Luther King Jr day - "The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice."  Amen, brother...

The Spark of Life...

I suppose there must be a balance: tough-minded, but open-minded too. "Don't fear the Reaper" - Blue Oyster Cult. 

Yeah, living in fear & anger is just waste of time, a waste of a mind, a waste of a life. There are challenges that must be addressed: how to pay the rent, how to keep a roof over your head, how to keep yourself well-fed and healthy, how to occupy yourself so you don't go fucking crazy?

We are lucky to live in a time and place (today in USA), where personal survival is pretty much a given. We may not live in the lap of luxury, we may have to struggle a bit, we may have to work hard and save our $ just to keep up, and to get by, but, you know, there are many folks on the planet who face much more primal and existential challenges. We are the lucky ones.

It is good to believe in something. Take a stand. Be somebody. And it's ok if other people believe other things. Human Beings are complicated, tricky, disagreeable. We don't all get along. Never have, probably never will. We may dream of a happy Utopia, but every happy Utopia also has it's inhuman Gulag. There is always the Dream and the Nightmare. There is always an Us vs. Them. There is always disagreement, competing interests, opposing forces. It's the Yin/Yang idea: Light in the Darkness/Darkness in the Light.

We can lean to the light. Aspire to a free and equal society where everyone is cared for and encouraged to be the best they can be. We can dream of the "rose garden," but there are no promises. It's all a work in progress. The light and the dark forces are always contending. The Human story is one of brutality and oppression. Think: racism, slavery, genocide, persecution, injustice. The Human story is also one of hope, kindness, transcendence, transformation, intelligence, ingenuity. We can side with the Better Angels. Keep Hope and Love alive in our hearts and heads. Think: equality, fraternity, liberty, justice, happiness.

We may not get there, but we must try to do the right thing. Good. The Good. It's the spark of Life.

A Bit of a Stoic. Didn't Always Know It...

I think I have always been a bit of a Stoic. I just didn't always know it. The Life of a Stoic =  "A life spent practicing virtue and living in accordance with nature." You know practicing, not always getting there. Yes. Nature. That was kind of my Church. I spent lots of time dreaming under trees, sitting in tall grass. Trying to figure out what "being me," was all about. Leaning to the light, leaning to the seven virtues, doing what I say I am going to do, being a "man of his word," trying to be good, to live a good life, because good is good.

Grinning and bearing it. Laughing thru the tears. Putting a positive spin on the chaos. As the great football coach Vince Lombardi once said: "When the going gets tough, the tough get going." That was pounded into my head by my Dad when I was a young, recalcitrant, moody, edgy smart-aleck kid. My Dad also liked to say: "No one ever promised you a rose garden." I think my Dad was coaching me, but also coaching himself. You have deal with the deal, even if it sometimes seemed like a raw deal.

Doing the right, hard thing. Not because of Jesus, not because you were gonna go to Heaven, not to avoid going to Hell, but just because doing the right, hard thing was the good thing, being in a accord with Nature. In Nature and part of Nature too. Happy to be alive and breathing, despite the slings & arrows, the hurly-burly, the turmoil, the tragedy, death, destruction, the smoke & mirrors, the failures and fucked-up-ness.

This is it, the real deal, the deepest of wisdom. A humble soul, happy to push that boulder up a hill just to see it come crashing down with gusto. Futility is fun! Happy employing: will, discipline, fortitude, gumption, stick-to-it-tve-ness, and a carefree determination to be care-free. But of course, also caring of yourself and others.

The best Philosophy doesn't explain the meaning of it all, it points to a way to try to live in a complicated, complex, wondrous, mysterious, and contradictory Universe.

"The Stoics provided a unified account of the world, constructed from ideals of logic, monistic physics, and naturalistic ethics. Of these, they emphasized ethics as the main focus of human knowledge, though their logical theories were of more interest for later philosophers.

Stoicism teaches the development of self-control and fortitude as a means of overcoming destructive emotions; the philosophy holds that becoming a clear and unbiased thinker allows one to understand the universal reason (logos). Stoicism's primary aspect involves improving the individual's ethical and moral well-being: "Virtue consists in a will that is in agreement with Nature".^[9] This principle also applies to the realm of interpersonal relationships; "to be free from anger, envy, and jealousy",^[10] and to accept even slaves as "equals of other men, because all men alike are products of nature".^[11]

The Stoic ethic espouses a deterministic perspective; in regard to those who lack Stoic virtue, Cleanthes once opined that the wicked man is "like a dog tied to a cart, and compelled to go wherever it goes"^] A Stoic of virtue, by contrast, would amend his will to suit the world and remain, in the words of Epictetus, "sick and yet happy, in peril and yet happy, dying and yet happy, in exile and happy, in disgrace and happy", thus positing a "completely autonomous" individual will and at the same time a universe that is "a rigidly deterministic single whole". This viewpoint was later described as "Classical Pantheism" (and was adopted by Dutch philosopher Baruch Spinoza)." 

Swamped by Stupidity...

Maybe there is this fear, a general fear permeating our culture? The fear of "the stupid." Being swamped by the stupid, and being rendered stupid too? You know, like those Zombie movies? Zombies on the rampage threatening to make everyone else a Zombie too. Stupidity rules the roost. The talking heads, those speaking loud words signifying absolutely nothing, pummeling us from all channels and networks. Swamped.  We start to think all those stupid words amount to something. Something more than obvious shite. We start to question ourselves. Maybe "the stupids" are onto something? You know, we are basically "herd animals," there is safety in the herd, maybe all that stupidity is tugging at us, the stupid ones whispering in our ears: "Come on in, the water is warm." It takes a bit of discipline, a bit of gumption to resist, to declare: "That's fucking stupid!" So much of  the discussion is about stupid things that really amount to nothing. Wallowing in stupid-nothingness. A bit of distance and clarity, calmness and silence is in order. We can choose to be smarter. More discerning. Less emotional. Less easily swayed. Less dazzled by all the stupidity. It's not that hard. Takes a bit of time, a bit of thinking things thru. What's real? What's happening? Who is speaking? Do any of their words really mean what the stupid ones want us to think they mean?

Best to Live It...

You carry on. There is the "stream of life." Or maybe the "dream of life." Bounded by time, and death. "Time waits for no one," & "the Thrasher comes for all." It's Harvest-Time, Baby! Speaking to a friend about another friend's shocking, untimely, death, they surfaced the question: "Aren't you used to it by now?"  Well, you know, not really. You know, but also, you don't know, what time and death really are. They are looming energies; supremely important, but also mightily irrelevant. You have a life, it is your's, unlike any other life. That life, your life, is lived in the here and now. No sense in casting backward, or forward too far. Whatever is gonna happen is gonna happen, whatever isn't gonna happen isn't gonna happen. I suppose it's kind of a defiant, lonely position: living in the moment. No reason to judge it, best to experience it in all it's uncertain glory. Put your boots on, get on your bicycle, navigate the day. Time is ticking. Death rides on your left shoulder. Always. No matter. Damn the torpedoes! Let it all come down one way, or another.

Carry You Forward...

I awoke with this sentence in my head: Pay attention to the real. Yes, we all have hopes & aspirations. We walk on seemingly solid ground. Pay attention.

Thinking also this morning: "Post-Peak experience," (see previous posts about our days in the recording studio). You do something extraordinary, you are inspired, passionate, totally fired-up & consumed by the doing. Then there is the inevitable lull, the fall, the crash. Knowing that it is coming, you can transform it into the recalibration, the refresh, the recharge. Pay attention to the real. Words to carry you forward.

Double-Yikes!

Yikes! Perusing the news headlines, delving into a few kooky stories. Seems the "Deniers" are in full denial mode. What is it with these clowns? What do they deny? Math, Science, Physics, Free & Fair Elections, the January 6th attempted Coup, Democracy, Evolution, Man-Made Climate Catastrophe, Racism,  the Holocaust, COVID-Virus, Vaccines, Immigrant Rights, Women's Rights, LGBTQ+ Rights, Progressive Politics, Social-Safety Net, Good Government, Public Good, Intelligence, Facts, Truth, Beauty, Equality, Fraternity, Liberty. 

Also Fascists denying they are Fascists.

The Hard-Headed--Know-Nothing-Idiot-Clowns take up way too much oxygen in our culture. Somehow it has become a badge of honor to be a Super-Sized-In-Denial-Clown.  And much of the press and the media just amplifies the idiocy for ratings & readers. It's all just kind of gross. Also this is soul-killing. We need more open-minded-ness, more open heads and arms. We need intelligent, discerning, engaged, Human Beings. It's the only way forward. The denying deniers? Yikes!

Another Day of Slack...

Sunday was another day of slack for me. A slacker? Yes. I can slack with the best of them. Don't they say that Sunday is a day of rest? I rested. I meditated, but I did no praising of the Lord. Slack was the theme. I never left our apartment. I did a bit of writing. My partner and I had a long, rambling, never-ending conversation before, after and during lunch, about our week of recording, and the next steps. I listened to music. Again I turned to the "desert blues" of Tinariwen: "Elwan" (2017). The last song on the record, "Nànnuflày," features the only words in English, sung by great,  long-lost-soul, Mark Lanegan:

"No sleepwalking

Don’t keep me apart

I’m through sleepwalking

God be in my heart

No morе sleepwalking

Been asleep too long

No more sleepwalking

Keep me with you god"

That's right. Slacking is cool. Sleepwalking is not.

We also watched "Amsterdam" (2022), David O. Russel's fantastic movie. I knew nothing about it, just stumbled across it. I guess the critics were not kind and the audience didn't materialize. But you know what? It is a fucking great movie. A rollicking good story. Masterful film-making. Tremendous cast. Loosely-based on real events. A bit of history, that is so of the moment too. Can't imagine Nazis in America? Imagine it. Then and now. Another example of sometimes you should just not listen to anyone else. Watch the movie. It's the good work. No doubt. A perfect capper to a day of slack.

Changing Up the Vibe...

Yes. Starting 2023 in a recording studio, recording our own original songs, which we wrote over the last few years and performing them with 8 fabulously-talented musicians (see previous 6 posts) was a stirring, exciting, totally consuming way to change up the vibe and energy of our lives.

Of course, recording is just one phase of the project. There is much more to do: mixing, mastering, creating the album art, releasing a record into the biosphere. But, yesterday, we just laid-low, chilled-out, let the smoke of all that concentrated, furious activity kind of waft away. I spent the whole day at home. We had a wonderful home-cooked vegetarian, pasta meal. I meditated, listened to records (Alice Coltrane, Bob Dylan, Tinariwen, Sigur Ros), and we watched Noah Baumbach's movie, "White Noise." (2022). Yes, it's a weird, quirky, black-comedy, about death and the fear of death. We totally loved it. Funny, thought-provoking, and sort screw-ball ridiculous too. It was great to sink into ourselves and submerge into other folks creative visions. Refreshing. Renewing. Feeding the head, the heart, the soul.

Day Five at the Studio

R&R Diary

Day Five - Our last day in Studio A at Electrical Audio.  We arrived at the studio early, we rented a car instead of taking a Lyft, which meant we got to the studio in record time. We thought we'd be mixing all day, but our plan was blown to smithereens. Instead of a long day of mixing, Friday was "over-dub city." What is an overdub? Overdub - "a technique used in audio recording in which audio tracks that have been pre-recorded are then played back and monitored, while simultaneously recording new, doubled, or augmented tracks..."  What the heck were we over-dubbing? First, the last two final vocals. We completed those quickly, Carla singing with passion and love, and then we made the final selects on takes. We were so happy, vocals for all 11 songs complete & sounding great. Then we did a long series of miscellaneous overdubs on a handful of songs: crash cymbal accents, tambourine, a new acoustic guitar track replacing the original, which had an annoying pick-tapping, or was that buttons from my jean jacket hitting my acoustic guitar (might be ok for Bob Dylan, but not me), our percussionist came back to do another cajon part (we need more cajon), one of our bass players came back and recorded a new powerful and melodic bass track on one song, our guitar player came back to record an exciting new electric part on another. I also brought out my Telecaster to add a bit of texture to two songs. That Telecaster has been on every album we've ever made, I just thought it needed to find a place on the record. I played thru a 50 year old Fender amp. I played Telecaster on two tracks,  one a light & delicate finger-picking part, the other, a rocker,  which I blasted thru in one hot take. How did it sound? Agreeably grungy. Time flew by in a blur as we focused on every last detail. This was it. The clock was ticking down. We realized there would be no mixing today. A bit of a let-down, but we also realized this had been a week of fabulous energy, and if we wanted to capture a sound on the album, we had to put it down now. All the musicians played with total commitment; heart and soul. It was a fantastic week of recording. Definitely a peak experience for all of us. Mixing? That was gonna have to happen sometime in the near future. We finished up, said our goodbyes, packed up our gear, and loaded it all in the rental car. Driving home, total exhaustion rolled in like a massive black cloud. Neil Young's great collaborator and Producer, David Briggs would always tell Neil before he went in to record a song: "Be great, or be gone." Those words danced in my head above and around that black cloud. Oh, well, yes, David, we gave it our best, no doubt, damn the torpedoes!

Day Four at the Studio

R&R Diary

Day Four - We wanted to get to the studio a bit earlier than usual, but our Lyft ride was a total cluster-fuck. A driver who didn't really know how to use the app, a car that could only seat three passengers with a fourth, pissed off, passenger left waiting on the curb. We got to the studio about 10 minutes late, hoping the ride wasn't a bad omen for the day. It wasn't. We rolled up our sleeves, and plunged right in. The goal for the day was to record all the vocals for our 11 definitive takes of songs. We fell two short. By the end of the day we had 9 tracks with full instrumentation and final vocals. It was a blur, it was a kick, it was a gas. One thing we had going for us, we are a working band. We have worked on these songs in intense rehearsals, we have recorded our rehearsals, we have tweaked and refined arrangements, we have performed many of these songs in front of an audience, we know these songs. When we are singing, we are singing our own heartfelt words. We are speaking our "truth." Carla was singing thru a Josephson C715 microphone: "rich sound with a very unique “head-basket," and I sang thru a Soyuz 017, "cardioid condenser with handmade KU67-style capsule." We were set up out in Centerfield, a big, beautiful recording room with high ceiling, hard-wood floor, adobe brick walls. Fabulous natural room ambience. We ran thru the rockers, and the quiet ones too. Many of the songs we nailed on the first take. I love those one take wonders. There were no "problem" songs. On some songs we did a few alternate takes: easier, edgier, more grit, more personality, more delicate; we tried a few modes. It was a totally consuming & inspiring session. These songs, this music, is just so us, you know, us to the maximum. We feel these songs embody the best of us. Heart-songs, head-songs, vision-songs. I sat on the floor, lotus position, eyes closed, meditating in Centerfield, and listened to Carla sing a song called "Child of the Revolution." She wore headphones, singing along with the track. I could only hear her unaccompanied voice in the room. A voice, transparent, stripped bare. It was a heavenly, gorgeous, ethereal performance. Two wonderful, soulful takes. Smiles all around. We called it a day. We were two songs short of our goal, but that was absolutely the perfect moment to end the session. Today is our last day of tracking. Two more vocals, and our guitar player is coming back to run thru another take or two on one of the songs. Then, hopefully, we start mixing tracks. That is whole adventure in itself. Don't want to get ahead of ourselves. One step at a time. As Jeff Tweedy reminded Carla in a dream: "It's all about the process."

Day Three at the Studio

R& R Diary

Day Three - Yesterday morning, walking into Electrical Audio's Studio A, all of us were happy, confident and loose. The first two days had been totally intense, but also incredibly rewarding. 8 songs already tracked. 8 keepers. Today's plan was an intense, full day of recording. We were going to track the last three of the planned 11 songs that we think will be our next whitewolfsonicprincess album. Also doing a few overdubs: conga, harmonica, tambourine, floor tom, cowbell (yes, that's right cowbell), and shakers. The songs left to track were all the high-energy rockers. The recording engineer wondered why we had saved them for 3rd day, he said that most bands start with the rockers. I said it was because of something the great horror film director Wes Craven once said in an interview. Talking about making movies he said he "always did the hard scenes first, when everyone was fresh and full of energy." That totally makes sense to me. So yes, it turns out some of the tracks we did day one and two were the slow, quiet, delicately-played songs, the ones where you can hear a pin drop between notes. They are fabulous songs, shooting for a stark, hushed, beauty. But they do pose the greatest challenge. How do you describe "feel." How do explain to other musicians that yes everyone is playing the right notes, and in correct time, but the song still doesn't feel right? There are no words that can accurately convey that info. Anyway,  yesterday, we ripped thru the rockers with total abandon. There were a few hitches, we did multiple takes of two of them. We ended up doing another "punch-in" on the last measure of one song. I did it reluctantly, with gritted teeth. It really goes against my r&r ethic. I was all for doing one more take, but the recording engineer, and the band, all thought 99% of the performance was fabulous, it was just that one last measure that needed a bit of tightening. We have been a bit democratic in our approach, when we do a take, everyone in the band marches into the control room to listen. All the of the musicians in the band are experienced, talented, incredibly soulful, and musically-intelligent beings. So yes, all opinions are welcomed. There is a bit of the "hive mind" at work in the control room. The recording engineer spoke up a few times too with some really smart ideas. Anyway, the punch-in worked. The edit was seamless, the stitches were erased, the track sounded organic, lively, real.  One of our band members told me that this whole process was a "peak experience" as a musician. To be in a room, listening attentively, playing with other fabulous musicians, all creating in the moment. The good work. Can't say enough about Electrical Audio. A music mecca built specifically to capturing great frequencies. What you hear in the recording rooms, what you hear in your headphones, and what you hear on playback in the control room all sounds great. There is a science and alchemy at work. Just so inspiring. Today, two of us will be tracking final vocals on all 11 tracks. Pretty important day today. It's all about capturing an inspired performance.

Day Two at the Studio

Rock & Roll Diary

Day Two - The first thing we did on day two was listen to what we tracked on day one. While our band drank coffee and chatted in Studio A, my partner, band co-leader, and I sat in the control room and listened to what we thought were the best takes of the three songs we recorded day one. The question hovering over us in the room: Did we catch it? Not only getting a clean, well-played take, but did we catch the energy of the band in the heat and fire of inspiration and creative joy? We were happy with what we heard. Yes, 3 songs captured. We emerged from the control room feeling really good. We took our places in the studio. What happened next was quite exciting. The first two songs of the day we all played like we were on fire. One take wonders, both. We just nailed the songs in all their strange glory. The band was totally clicking. Smiles all around. The third song took two takes, we did a bit of arranging on the spot. The fourth song was a looming beast. A song we've never really gotten right. Rehearsals of the song were always chaos and mayhem. We played it live once in public and it just kind of thudded on the ears. It has been sort of joke, what's gonna happen with this one? We blasted thru the song in one blazing take. The best we've all ever played it. We took a break and went in to listen to a rough mix. One superb take. Done. The last song of the day, another song we have always struggled with, and again we did struggle. Countless aborted takes. Turns out the quietest, most delicate songs are the most difficult to play. And it's not just the playing, how to make the performance easy and effortless, shimmering with life? We got thru it. Went to the control room and listened to the last best take. One part still wasn't right. We had to do a punch-in, something I am super-resistant to doing. What is a punch-in? Basically you play a part of the song and edit it into the track. The recording engineer can hide the stitches and make it all sound seamless. Our engineer could tell I was really uncomfortable with the idea. He said to me: "It's not cheating." I thought to myself: You know, it kind of is, but really, the main thing, will it work, will it sound organic & real? I was skeptical. We went back took our places in the studio, played the part a few times. The butterfly was floating around, couldn't quite catch it, couldn't really put a  finger on why we were failing. Finally we seemed to drift into it, and it all kind of clicked. I played much more delicately, just fingers barely plucking strings. We got a take that felt right. The recording engineer did a bit of surgery back in the control room. He played us the results. Yep. Amazing. It really did work. We all felt pretty satisfied. Day 2 = 5 songs tracked, and truly definitive takes. Kind of magnificent. It was a good day in the studio. And fun too. The good work. Onto to day three.

Day One at the Studio...

R&R Diary...

Day One - Yesterday. A really mild morning. A good omen. Most of the morning was taken up with schlepping, logistics, & motoring across the city to the studio. Once we got to Electrical Audio, it was a long (4.5 hrs) set-up. A custom-built studio, raised floor, unique adobe bricks, high ceiling, incredible natural, room-sound. Lots of special, expertly-placed microphones. Long cables snaking across the floor back to the star-ship sized control room. Classic Noetek Elite (custom-built), recording console. A pretty famous, well-known, well-regarded studio. Some of our favorite records have been recorded here. The band: 8 musicians: 2 double-basses, 1 violin, 1 drum kit, 1 percussionist, 1 electric bass, 1 electric guitar, 1 acoustic guitar, 1 vocalist/percussionist. By late afternoon we started tracking. The goal was to track 3 songs the first day. We did it. We started with two of the most complex and difficult songs, thinking that would be a good way to start, do the hard ones first. Pretty sure we nailed the first song on the second take, we did a third take just for posterity. It was the second song where we kind of sputtered. A very delicate beginning, and then a wild-ass ending. We had a few scatter-shot takes. False starts, wrong moves. We moved to the third song, nailed it on take two, and then rallied the troops to once again tackle the second song. It was blazing, really good. 3 tracks, 8 hours in studio. We called it a day, feeling a bit tired but pretty good. A decent start. Still on schedule. Today we will be able to start fresh, and start recording right off the bat. Hoping to get in a bit of a groove. Shooting to record 5 songs today. We shall see. 

"It's all about the process." - J. Tweedy

My friend often has dreams with young versions of r&r stars visiting with her in the dead of night; a late 60's Keith Richards, an early 2000's Jeff Tweedy.  A night ago Jeff came to her and imparted these pithy words of wisdom to her: "It's all about the process." My friend wasn't that impressed, but she was surprised the next morning when she heard the 2022 version Jeff on the radio talking about recording the latest Wilco record. He explained that their new album was all about getting in a room, playing live together, seeing if everyone can get there at the same time.

My thought: the deepest wisdom usually does sound sort of lame or obvious. I got that idea from reading David Foster Wallace. He pointed out that those lame, obvious, sort of sappy Hallmark Card sentiments invariably are on target and blandly true.

Anyway, all this is leading up to our day, today. We are heading to a big time recording studio with our band, 8 of us in total, to record a new album of our original songs. It's sort of an ambitious, maybe mad, idea: track 11 songs over three days with various lineups of muscians as live and in the moment as we can without compromising the sound.

We are a bit nervous. But we calm ourselves down by reminding each other: "We are doing what we love to do. What we are here to do." It's bold, maybe nutty, but you know, we believe with our hearts and heads that it is true. 

This week I will probably be keeping a bit of a diary of the sessions as they roll out. "It's showtime folks!" Stay-tuned.

Love the Day...

"Did you make it?"

When I am staying at another residence, as I am now, that is the text I send out to my significant other first thing in the morning. It's one of those little messages in a well-directed bottle. Basically declaring and asking: "I'm OK, are you OK?"

The first day of 2023. Surprisingly, here in the Heartland it is rainy, cloudy, gray, a not so cold morning. Kind of unusual, unexpected, but also kind of nice. A mild start to a new year. 

Can't help wondering what's in store for us all. The last few years have been pretty tumultuous. Maybe that's just the way it goes. We need to ride the waves, navigate the storms, swim to the calm shores. And dream, don't forget to dream.

This is it. It's not a rehearsal, although, we spend lots of time rehearsing. This. Is. It. Life. Our lives. Rolling out day by day.  What is that saying? "Seize the Day!" "Squeeze the Day!" Not too hard. Squeeze gently, you know, almost like an affectionate caress, whisper sweet words of endearment to the Day. Don't try conquer the day, meet it as an equal. Love the day. That's the way.