Edged By Madness...

Maybe the surprising part, was coming to grips with the idea that Human Beings are quite desperate, and totally mad. You know, as in looney & crazy. I think growing up I saw and felt a sort of craziness hovering over and around everything, but I turned to this tentative illusion/delusion that adults had their shit together. Sure lots of human activity seemed contradictory, nonsensical, weird, and pretty much unexplainable, but then, as a kid, I thought, maybe there was something going on that would finally explain it all. Nope. That first intuition was pretty spot on. Human Beings are an irrational species pretending to be rational. Rationality is just a mask we all wear from time to time. We possess a whole array of masks, which we put on and take off at the drop of a hat. We have these big brains, and we have big dreams, and we convince ourselves that we are a super-smart species, but you know, it's kind of true, and also kind of not true, you know an elaborate con-job. Look around. Madness. Stupidity. A crazy, sometimes murderous desperation. That seems to drive so much of our human activity. At least much of the heinous, regrettable, and horrible things we do. If you step back and watch, it's kind of enthralling & amazing to observe. Of course, we can't separate ourselves from the craziness. We are all implicated in it, we all swim in it. But now that I think of it, even this either/or framing is wrong-headed and a bit crazy-making too. Human Beings are caught on the horns of an immense number of contradictory impulses, we are nailed to our own personal crosses; a multitude of dichotomies: Sane/Insane, Rational/Irrational, Loving/Hateful, Intelligent/Stupid, Murderous/Kind, Creative/Destructive, Life-Seeking/Death-Courting. That's doesn't mean we can't live decent lives.  If we try. We bounce back and forth across the spectrum in the clutches of these dichotomies. We can acknowledge that we are completely nuts and at the same try think rationally. Maybe acknowledging that we are stuck in contradiction, is the first step towards a tiny ray of clarity? Or maybe not. Who knows? Once you realize you are lost in an elaborate hall of mirrors, a vast spectrum of competing ideas, impulses, emotions, maybe you can cultivate a bit of humility? I mean, once we try to dispose of our narcissistic illusions of grandeur. Maybe we should try to simplify our lives in the face of an overwhelmingly complex circumstances? Lean to simplicity or embrace complexity? Keep your feet on the ground, eat well, sleep well, do something with integrity & heart. Feed your soul if you think you have one. Feed your head, but be careful what you feed upon. Maybe we can fool ourselves into trying to be sensible. Maybe the solution is "The Way of the Fool?" You want to reach for big words and concepts like Love, Truth, Beauty, Intelligence. But those are shadowy Chimeras. They are Unicorns that we must chase down and wrestle with. You want to find an escape hatch, a place of clarity, a solid reality, but everything is edged by a certain madness and a crazy clarity, and it's all wobbly, sort of like a never-ending fever-dream dancing before our lonely, hungry eyes.  The dream masquerading as nightmare, taunting us with promises of joy and despair. "Mr. Big-Stuff, who do you think you are?" Aware, alive, awake in the Sea of Possibilities. It appears to be the best of all possible worlds, the worst too. I mean, I am just spit-balling here. What's good? Life & Life Affirming things. To an extent. That's sort of a start. Beyond that, "Only the Shadow Knows?"