A Being, Out of Place...

Okay. This doesn't occur every morning, but it does occur many mornings. I wake up with no clue where I am, and I find these burning questions on the tip of my tongue:

Where am I?

Who am I?

Why am I here?

What am I made of?

Of course, there is never a satisfying answer to any of these questions. I just stumble through my days in a great cloud of unknowing. I do the best I can. This morning I wake up in a neighborhood of wealth and luxury. It's definitely foreign territory. I don't really belong here. I am surrounded by enormous mansions, some of these gargantuan homes are over 100 years old. Big, looming, houses, near one of the largest, of the quite large, Great Lakes. I have no clue how anyone can afford to live in such a neighborhood. Unimaginable wealth. 

I am surviving on a "wing and a prayer," I am a marginal character, on the fringes, relying on the "kindness of strangers." It is so odd to be here, knowing that I don't really belong here. It's all just smoke and mirrors, luck and pluck. I can't even trace the chain of events that brought me here. It's a long, crooked path; one with scenes of failure, adventure, misadventure, bad & good luck. I mean, it's all quite strange. Not totally disagreeable. I mean, in some ways it is totally, thoroughly, amazing. 

I am in some luxurious paradise. Like I said, I don't belong here. A "Stranger in a Strange Land." A bit like Dorothy or no, maybe more like Toto in Oz. Funny. The last few days it has all been about the light. I really noticed the light of the days. And the trees. I am surrounded by these magnificent trees. I mean, the trees are even more amazing, enthralling, inspiring and profound than the homes. I do feel a connection to the trees. Once I noticed them, it's all I can do now: observe the trees. I am drawn to the trees. I study them, commune with them, meditate under them. They almost seem holy. I think really they "own" the neighborhood. I mean, they are the "real" inhabitants. We are just guests. All of us Human Beings. Maybe all the people are actually squatters, invaders?  I'm not sure, but definitely I feel like a squatter, an invader, a being, out of place...

Matter of Light...

It's a matter of light... the tilt of the sun, the shadows stretching across the grass, the glow in the crashing waves, millions of tiny grains of sand sparkling. You can feel summer ticking by, a slow, gradual fade the daylight, getting slightly, oh, so slightly shorter. There is a glow in our faces and hands, a spark of light in our eyes, we know this isn't forever, the night descends, a blackness with a hint of light, luminous-luxury, the fading moments of another lost summer.

"Basic Messages..."

At the beginning of RZA's book "The Tao of Wu," (yes, a thrilling read, much wisdom in the pages, and an amazing origin story of  an amazing American, Hip-Hop artist), there is an introductory chapter by his teacher, Kung Fu master, and a refugee from China's Shaolin Temple, his name: Shi Yan Ming. A truly amazing character who has had a profound effect on RZA.

These are the "basic messages" Shi Yan Ming conveys to his students...

1. Life is Beautiful.
2. More Chi - "the vital force of every living entity." Train Harder.
3. Be Honest with Yourself and Be Honest with Others.
4. Respect Yourself and Respect Others.
5. 100% Express Your Beautiful Life.

Hard to argue with any of these general principles. You could actually use them as a code for living. Yes. I do believe that is a capital idea!

A Nightmare Unlike Any Other...

A nightmare...

Picture it: A large gathering. Maybe like the Grammy's, or the Oscars. Lots of famous people, celebrities from all over the world. Everyone dressed in their finest duds. There are TV cameras, this is a major event that is being broadcast across the globe. Imagine billions of eyes  riveted to screens, paying close attention to what's happening. You are there, on the spot. You are expected to sing a song. A song you don't know. It's a Radiohead song. One you have never heard before. Funny. You have always had a difficult time understanding Thom Yorke when he sings. It usually takes many listens before you can begin to parse out the lyrics to his songs. It's one of the pleasures of listening to Radiohead. You take in the sound first, you let the sound-waves of the band and Thom's voice wash over you, and you come up with meanings later. But this is different. There is no pleasure in the not knowing. You don't know the lyrics, you don't know the melody. You have no clue how to sing this song. Someone has given you the sheet music, and it looks like Egyptian hieroglyphics. No help. In fact, the sheet music just confounds the problem. You have a "situation" on your hands. No way out. There you are. Nervous as hell. Sweating. Stumbling thru a song you don't know. This is your big opportunity to make an impression on billions of people around the world. And you are flailing, stumbling, halting, doing a really poor version of a mystery song you don't know. You think to yourself: Thom Yorke is going to be very displeased with my performance. There is no way around it... yikes...

The Sanctuary...

Some times I find myself playing "caretaker." Usually taking care of a furry, four-legged soul.

I am in a grand old house, two blocks from the shore of a Great Lake (don't forget, as the sign says, it's "a dangerous body of water"). Yes. Dangerous & beautiful.

I find myself in a weird cul de sac of luxury. It is not disagreeable.

I have been reading RZA's "Tao of Wu."  It is a tale of poverty & riches, ignorance & wisdom, Gangsta and Holy Man.

I am also streaming Kung Fu movies. I wanted to see what RZA saw, to know what RZA knows.

So, I watched, The Five Venoms, The Thirty Six Chambers, The Return to the Thirty Six Chambers.
Funny.

I am not really into Kung Fu. But after wading thru those crude, but entertaining films, I found an exquisite masterpiece by the great filmmaker Wong Kar Wai: The Grandmaster.

So beautiful, powerful, enlightening. Renews my faith in the power of art.

So what else? I am drinking a new brew of coffee: Andes Mountain Brew.

And I am stuck on playing one record, over and over and over again: Led Zeppelin II (1969).  Page is a riff machine, and really just a fabulous guitar-master. Bonham is an exquisite drummer, (I can even listen to his drum solo on Moby Dick, over and over), power, yes, but a precise grace too. Plant does a bit of over the top caterwauling on a few tracks, but he also sings with passion and nuance especially when he sings about Frodo and Gollum, and John Paul Jones is the secret weapon on bass and organ.  Jones never makes a false move. Is Led Zeppelin II the greatest album ever made? No, probably not, I mean it's not even Led Zeppelin's best album, there are 3 or 4 others that rank up there with the best, but II does sound fabulous in these comfy digs. Play it loud on the BOSE, it sounds majestic.

So, yes, things are different here. Lots of time to contemplate & meditate, to water the garden, to take long, rambling walks. Whatever is happening out in the world, I can kind of keep it at bay. This is a time of sanctuary and renewal.

The Movie...

The movie...

You know, the movie has been playing long before you came in, and it will play long after you leave. You are in your seat, you have your popcorn, and soft drink, you are trying to take in the action on the screen. You think you know some of the actors, you kind of think you know the gist of the plot, but really, it's all guesswork. There are long stretches where you have no clue what's going on. You find yourself closing your eyes and dozing in the slow parts. You wake up and are on the edge of your seat for some of the tense parts. You find yourself trying to lay down in the aisle, but it's too constricted. You'd like to hide under your seat, but you won't fit, there's old candy wrappers, and empty popcorn containers under there. It's sticky too. Your shoes sometimes stick to the floor. You are stuck in your seat for long stretches. You do take bathroom breaks. You slink out to the lobby, it's bright and empty. The bathrooms are shiny and clean. Antiseptic. Someone has been working hard to keep things clean. You want to figure out what's going on. You'd like to know, is the movie an action flick, a mystery, a comedy, a romance, one of those weird, foreign flicks that you'll never get? There is no one around to ask. You realize that the movie will run long after you are gone. So you really won't know  how it all turns out, you won't find out if it's a "feel good" flick, you know, life affirming, or a sad film, a multi-hanky, tear-jerker, or inconclusive, or mysterious, or maybe a cliff-hanger, a first in a series of movies, maybe it's franchise film and there will be a sequel, a prequel, or a later reboot? I mean, "only the Shadow knows..." So, back to your seat. Sometimes you zone out and just watch the colors on the screen, the soundtrack washes over you like water over a rocky shore. You can't make out anything specific, it's all just sound, color, fury & thunder...

Future/Now Self to Past/Then Self...

A Close & Dear Loved One sent me some old Polaroids of a few other Close & Dear Loved Ones. Glimpses of a time and place now long gone. One photo was a younger version of me, decades younger. I look pretty fresh. Not sure if I ever saw that photo before. I also look a bit surprised and bemused. Expectant?

What would my Future/Now Self tell my Past/Then Self?

Here goes:

"Don't worry. The future is not what you think it's gonna be. Nothing is gonna be what you think it's gonna be. So maybe don't think about it too much. You really don't know what Life is, and the questions you have about Life and Yourself and Others too, are just going to multiply as you go. The Mystery of it all will deepen. Try to take it slow. Time rushes by in a blur. Pay attention to all the little details. Keep your eyes open. Lots to take in. The details, the little things that you don't think are important, actually are important. Most of what you think you know is wrong. Don't worry about it. Most of the decisions you make are gonna be wrong too. Maybe, instead of "trusting your gut," try flipping a coin? I mean it's sounds crazy, but really the coin-flipping is probably just as good as anything. Be yourself. Don't worry about what others think of you, or what you think other people think you "should do." There is no "should do." Do what you do, but, I mean, really do it to the max. Own it. Be alive & awake in the moment. Those moments, everyone of the moments of your life are precious. They roll out really fast. One day you wake up and realize long stretches of your life now exist only in your head. All you have from the past are stray memories, long-lost photos. Remember: You will lose just as much as you gain. That's OK. I mean, that's Life..."

More Thoughts On Masks...

Of course, once you pose the question: Why is wearing a mask during a pandemic even a question?

The answer easily emerges: Because it is a highly charged issue, that illuminates all the differences alive in the Human Herd.

Yes, "Elementary, my Dear Mr. Watson."

Hamlet asked: "To be or not to be?"
We ask: "To mask or not to mask?"

It's an existential question. Highlights all the fundamentals of believing and disbelieving that Humans embody.

What is Life?
What is Death?
Is there an Afterlife?

Are we guided by...

The Fickle Finger of Fate?
The Various modes of Luck: Good, Bad, Random, Blind?

Is the Universe Guided and Watched Over by an All-Powerful, All-Knowing God?
Or is it a place where Life has emerged, and Humans must take responsibility for their own actions?

Do you believe in Climate Change? Do you believe Human Beings have wrecked the interconnected web of our ecosystem? Do you believe Humans can remedy the situation?

Or is it all in God's hands? God's Will?

What of Human relations? Are we all in this together, or are we all alone? Is it a brother and sister hood of Humans and connected souls, or is just a grand contest of one against one? Are we all on a journey of discovery together, or is it just a grand competition?

What of Politics? Is just a game of Power? The mighty vs. the weak? The wealthy vs. the poor? The haves vs the have nots?

Democracy - We all collectively decide.
Autocracy - Strong-Man Decides.
Communism - Each according to their needs.
Socialism - We need to take care of each other.

Or something else?

Do we need to care about other people? Do we need to take care of each other? Or is it just about "Freedom?" Don't tread on me...

You see, a little conundrum like wearing a Mask in the middle of a raging pandemic brings up all the issues that confound us. We wrestle with this shit everyday. Welcome to the wonderful world of Being Human.

Mask or No Mask...

This current crisis exposes all the flaws of our system & culture.  And you know, the flawed nature of being human.

Thinking optimistically, it is an opportunity for change, growth, evolution & progress.

Thinking pessimistically... hmmm... maybe not...

I guess we shall see.

This "mask thing" really highlights the weird nature of our human predicament. To wear a mask or not to wear a mask. It seems like a little thing. A safe thing. A logical, rational thing. But it is quite amazing and instructive to see how some folks really, really don't want to have to care about anyone else. They just don't want to be told to care, they just don't want to. So they just won't wear a damn mask. Nope. Not gonna do it. Funny. Weird.

The mask is symbolic. It's a way of saying, "Yes. I do care. About you, about me, about the health and safety of the human herd."  And the science, the data tells us that wearing a mask cuts down on transmission of the virus. One person wearing a mask helps a bit, two people wearing masks, helps even more, two people wearing masks and keeping their distance, really dramatically cuts down on transmission. Nothing mysterious about any of this, it's just basic common sense.

But...

There are some folks who really, really don't care about other folks. They just don't. And they don't want to feel guilty about it either. 

There are some folks who really don't care about anyone or anything except themselves.  And who knows, maybe their dirty little secret is that they don't really care about themselves either? That's psychology. Those maximally selfish ones? I mean, basically these are the dyed in the wool assholes amongst us. Maybe there are more of these than we ever realized? You these are some to the same folks who refuse to wear a seat-belt, or refuse to quit smoking, or who continue to drive drunk, who like to play with guns, who like to bully other people, and yeah, vote for toxic-clown, reality-tv idiots.

If you are not one of these folks it's a bit bewildering, eye-opening, surprising, confounding. Maybe pisses you off a bit too. WTF. Get it together people. We are all in this together, whether you want to believe it or not.  

Mask or no Mask. Says a lot depending on which way you decide to go on this issue...

Gonna or Not Gonna...

Events conspired.

A barrage of news. Elevated temps. Feeling a bit under siege. 

We were sitting in the shade. Taking a break in the late afternoon, in the middle of a long bike-ride. Hot. Sweaty. Alive. We were talking about the events of the day, and of our time on the planet. A very-typical kind of conversation for us. Everything under the sun up for discussion. A daily existential examination.

My friend told me this line that came from my mouth did not sound Zen, no, maybe too much of that "under siege" feeling, too much of an air of resignation, but, you know, I do think it's "true:" 

"Whatever is gonna happen, is gonna happen, whatever isn't gonna happen, isn't gonna happen."

The a.m sound track - Fever Ray's "Fever Ray." (2009). Stunning. Electronic. With great heart and soul. Beautiful. Different. Amazing. The lyrics to "Dry and Dusty" get me, cut me open-wide, every time: 

"Never leave me

Walk close beside me

Your hand my hand

Fits so easy

No tomorrow

Let us stop here

We did some great things

Didn't we?

Dry and dusty

I am a capsule of energy

You speak softly

We are capsules of energy

Work as I've been told

In return I get money

Small feet in the hall"

Bat-Shit Crazy...

Turns out. I mean, maybe it has always been so, and maybe, really, we always knew this, but it is now pretty clear, I mean, blindingly obvious, that, many, no, ok, most, of our fellow Americans are pretty much "bat-shit crazy." 

You know. This pandemic thing isn't a "hoax," it is not a liberal conspiracy, George Soros and Bill Gates are not conspiring, they are not trying to fool and cheat us and plant microchips in our asses. 

I mean, Blame the bats: 

"The new coronavirus appears to have circulated unnoticed in bats for decades, scientists found. Horseshoe bats are the most plausible origin of the SARS-CoV-2 pathogen, researchers led by Maciej Boni of Pensylvania State University’s Center for Infectious Disease Dynamics said in a study published Tuesday in Nature Microbiology."

And you know, wearing a mask is no big deal. Trying to stay safe and healthy is not a radical idea. It's not an infringement on anyone's right. There is no specific right to be a "selfish asshole." Not in the constitution. I mean, I know there's that gaudy phrase:  "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness."

I know. A bit nebulous. But really. Some of this shit is just common sense. Get it together, people.

The Crooked Wheel...

The crooked wheel.

A broken spoke.

You can learn to live with it.

Don't even notice it.

You ride your bicycle everyday.

That crooked wheel wobbles.

You just adjust.

You acclimate to the wobble.

You wobble too.

You don't even know it.

You are totally unaware.

You are a badly wobbling entity.

One day, your front tire goes flat.

You take it to the bike shop for repair.

The bike tech wonders how

you could even ride

with such a bad wobble.

You shrug. You "didn't know."

You leave the bike there.

Walk home.

Hours later 

you pick up

your bike.

New tube.

Fixed spoke.

No more wobble.

Crooked no more.

Newly aligned.

It's like a new bike.

A new ride.

You fly straight.

You roll down the pavement, the path, with ease.

You can learn to live with the crooked wheel.

But you don't need to.

You can wake up.

Straighten up and fly.

Straighter than an arrow.

With ease... 

broken

crooked

wobbling

no more.

Sometimes a change of consciousness 

is one flat tire away.

The a.m soundtrack - Chicano Batman's "Invisible People." (2020). New sounds. Just "discovered" this band, actually tipped to it by Greg Kot of Sound Opinions. Per Greg: One of the "best of 2020, so far." Fun. Funky. Great catchy tunes. A melting pot of influences. Sounds so new and refreshing. Chicano Batman, the kind of Superhero we could use right now. 

Together, Alone...

J.P. Sartre -- "Hell is other people."

Seems a bit harsh. 

I'd say: People are the problem and the solution. Look around, most of our problems are caused by other people. People will be the ones to provide solutions. People = Both Hell & Heaven.

It is strange to realize that all one's "anti-social tendencies" are now survival strategies. The less human contact the better. The lonely path is the safer path. Time for silent contemplation. So necessary. We are left to our own devices: reading, dreaming, living in a world of solo actors. Living inside our heads. A long path of discipline.  Smart. Safe. Aware of germs, religiously washing our hands, staying clean, clear-headed in everything we do and say.

At the same time, living this solo trip, you realize we are all the same. We are all in this together. And if we are to solve the major and uncountable problems confronting our species, we must work together. One great community.

Still a touch of  lonely paranoia seems rational & reasonable. We are all in this together, but of course, we are also in it alone...

You Wonder

You wake up wondering what's gonna happen next...

Sunday Believing (inspired by the late great John Lewis)...

I do believe 

we need to 

imagine 

envision

a better world 

a better way

a better day

Act like we

are

what we

want 

to be.

Let Love

guide us.

Turn from

Hate

Fear

Worry

Doubt.

Lean to

the light.

Don't be afraid

to embody

the Good

the Right

the Beautiful.

Imagine

Envision

that we live Now

in the Beloved Community of Souls.

The a.m. soundtrack - The Dirty Three's "Ocean Songs." (1998). Majestic. We need to listen. To the ocean, to the trees, the grasses, the wind. We need to humble ourselves. Take in the vibes around us. There is love all around us. Life. Love. Beauty. This is a record to savor. Guitar, Drums, Violin. Everything is in the grooves...

Folks are Getting Lax...

Oh my. Folks are getting lax.

I think even really smart folks, those who are listening to "the science" are getting a bit casual on this whole virus thing. My friend and I stopped over to check out an outdoor, neighborhood concert yesterday. Nice summer evening. The cicadas buzzing.  5 musicians on the lawn, set up between between houses. About 25 folks scattered around, drinking refreshments, grooving  to the music. Most everyone was wearing masks, but a few did not. And a few folks actually got upfront, close and personal with other folks. One person actually pulled down her mask to talk to another  person. Hah! That's pretty dumb.  Another person came up and wanted to hug, and had to be delicately fended off. It was all a bit disconcerting. It's the first time since the lockdown we have been around that large of a group. My friend and I are pretty Covid Militant. We were a bit shook up. Probably won't be doing anything like that again for awhile.  Just not worth it. Even though we all crave human, social interaction. We must assume that Covid is everywhere,  everyone is infected. Maybe a bit paranoid. But, well, being militant, that's the safe and smart way forward.

Long Days in Pandemic...

My days in pandemic.

I have fallen into a weird rabbit-hole of day to day existence.

Long walks.

Long bike rides.

Long meditations.

Long song-writing sessions.

Long lunches.

Long music-listening sessions.

Long reading sessions.

Long streaming video sessions.

My days are long. I mean really, really long.

Time has slowed down to a crawl.

We wear masks outside at all times.

We wash our hands frequently.

We rarely converse with other folks.

It's a weird hermit-like routine. Not totally disagreeable.

We do tune into the news. The news is all bad. More illness. More death. The "Trump Virus" is loose in the land. The corruption and incompetence at the top is breath-taking, soul-killing. Democracy is being pummeled to death. You wonder how anyone can support the Toxic Clown Prez, but you realize there are brain-dead Zombies afoot in the land.

We hope the sensible, rational, intelligent ones can hang on til November. It's seems like a life-time away. We may all be thru with the Virus, but the Virus is not thru with us.  Hanging tight. In for the LONG haul. Hope to make it to the light...

Glimmers of Light...

Glimmers of light. It doesn't take much to crack thru the gloom...

Nancy Pelosi just knows how to put words together. She is now calling the Coronavirus, and all the corrupt shit that has descended upon us over the last 4 years the "Trump Virus." Yes. Exactly. I mean, perfect. I burst out in laughter on that one. I have adopted this as my go-to phrase too.

What else makes me smile? I found myself in an automobile yesterday. A rare thing nowadays. The windows down, summer day, radio blasting at maximum volume. Two songs defined the afternoon and left their imprint on my consciousness, two classics: The Who's "Won't Get Fooled Again," and Stevie Wonder's "Living in the City." Perfect dichotomy. Two of our greatest songs. Left me breathless, and well, strangely inspired, and hopeful.

And...

Reading about the "Wall of Moms"  and "leaf blowers against tear gas" in Portland. 

"A group of women who call themselves the Wall of Moms has drawn national attention, clad in bike helmets and goggles. They link arms to form a protective barrier between law enforcement and Black Lives Matter protesters who took to the streets after the May 25 death of George Floyd at the hands of Minneapolis police."

Yes, just like "Athena of Portland" (see previous post), this just renews my faith in the Human Project. Peaceful, non-violent protest.  Folks taking to the streets, demanding justice and a better day.  Hopeful. Sometimes Humans Beings really can do the right thing. Dare I say it, "We Shall Overcome!"

The Power and the Glory of Athena of Portland...

I must say that I was totally knocked out by this story. This image is astonishing. Let's just say that I have a new hero, or is it a new heroine? "Athena of Portland:" - As the newsprint tells us: "She emerged as an apparition from clouds of tear gas as federal agents fired pepper balls at angry protesters in the early Saturday darkness. A woman wearing nothing but a black face mask and a stocking cap strode toward a dozen heavily armed agents attired in camouflage fatigues, lined up across a downtown Portland street. The agents, dispatched by the Trump administration over vociferous objections of state and city officials, are part of a force that has fired projectiles at and detained activists protesting nightly since the killing of George Floyd by Minneapolis police May 25."

To put yourself in the line of fire. Naked as a jay-bird. Exposed. Vulnerable. Peaceful.  Maybe a touch crazy. Who wants to be that vulnerable in the face of tear-gas, billy clubs, and burly men? I mean, talk about intentionally putting yourself into harm's way. But maybe crazy-cool, like a crazy-cool kitty-cat. The wonder of the eternal feminine. The joy, the mystery, the power of a beautiful, unarmed, naked body. "Pussy Riot," indeed. 

Amazing. Poetic. Lyrical. Myth-making. Totally renews my faith in the Human Project! 

Go-To Phrases...

Some "go to" phrases...

I think of myself as "Covid Militant." Seems sensible. I am only listening to the experts, the scientists, doctors, folks with their heads screwed on straight.  I do think it's smart to tune into the intelligence, and to tune out the stupid. It's not that hard to do. 

Avoid the loud-talkers, the raving mouth-breathers, those who think they know shit, when it's clear they don't. BTW - We really need to stop entertaining ourselves by listening to idiots. It has been a very destructive trend in our culture. Check out the radio & cable TV personalities who trade in stupidity, and weird-ass conspiracies, I mean, don't check them out, TUNE THEM OUT! Pollution. Brain pollution.

I think of Neil Postman and Roger Waters, early on they told us we are "entertaining ourselves to death." Death and stupidity.

As an antidote, seek out the intelligent ones. Those dedicated to clear-seeing, clear-speaking.

Try to find an "Unwarped Perspective." Life. It tends to warp us. We need to find ways to "UNWARP" ourselves. Clear-seeing, clear-speaking, clarity in everything we do.  Meditation helps. Silence helps. Good sleeping helps. Dreaming. Yes, dreaming is essential. Eating well. Sticking with vegetables is recommended.

Alive. Aware. Awake.