First, I try to talk and think my way out of this particular conundrum, but the more I talk, the more I think, the deeper and more confusing the situation becomes. Murky. More murk. There are good intentions. I mean everyone involved seems to be well-intentioned, but at the same time everything seems conflicted, and ultimately at cross-purposes.
A small group of human beings are involved. It's not an earth-shaking situation, but for me, it's wrapped up in dreams, plans, purposes, ambitions, the good work. So at one level, it is much ado about nothing, and at another level it is everything.
Sorry, I refuse to name the conundrum. Let's keep it opaque this morning. I am all about truth-telling and transparency, but at the moment, even naming and defining this particular situation seems like willingly putting myself into a strait-jacket. Think of my particular problem as an example of the world writ large. Multiply my situation by billions of human beings, and you begin to understand why planet earth seems to be such of a ball of confusion.
Best to stick to generalities here. I am stuck. Stuck in stuck-ness. What to do? I turn to my training. I plan on meditating on the topic this morning and probably many mornings in the near future. Sit quiet. Drop the ego, clear my head of thoughts, notice the emotions that rise up, and let them go. Run energy. Envision a big golden sun shining down lighting up every cell in my body.
We are all more than our thoughts, our feelings, and frankly our bodies too. That's an idea I can get behind. There is an energy, let's call it a spirit that surrounds us. Sometimes you just need to get in touch with that. I will give it a try, and see what happens.
It is that "tend to your garden" idea. The problem isn't "out there," it is "in here," and I need to work on that...
What is the a.m soundtrack? Fleet Foxes' "Helplessness Blues" (2011). Appropriate right? Shimmering. Float-y. Beautiful. Easy on the ears.
