Sometimes Chaos is My MIddle Name...

Folk #1: Sometimes I do think chaos is my middle name. I wonder, am I the source, the channel, the generator or receiver, or the conductor of the chaos? I am not thinking of major, catastrophic, chaos, no, more like little, tiny, moments of micro-chaos built into the smallest of actions & thoughts. I can be orderly & disciplined, I enjoy & cultivate my silences & quiet times, I love working in the calm before the storm times, setting up a theater space or a performance space, arranging the deck chairs, running the cables, placing the microphone stands in just the right place, setting the lights, conjuring up a mood & a positive, beautiful vibe. But then fill that space with a rambunctious crowd of human beings in close quarters, with friendly noise, and chatter, and  the power of electricty animating everything, drinks flowing, a soft buzzing in the air, anticipation & expectation floating above us, things happen. Unsourced feedback, a drop of sweat in the corner of an eye, an imprecise instrument, a cable fail, a weird noise from some unknown location, a tiny almost imperceptible tuning issue, being slightly sharp or flat, a surprising demand or comment from an innocent, a dropped guitar pick, a teetering,  a nearly tripping & falling, a hint of mortality, a surge of energy running through the cells of my body; funny, unconnected thoughts, words falling from my lips in surprising ways, my head suddenly swimming, uncommon feelings of being unmoored, uncomfortable. Conducting moments of chaos, trying to corral & tame things, but watching, listening, experiencing the awesome powerlessness alive in every tiny moment.