It is a conundrum.
Some days you just want to grab the day by the scruff of it's neck and make it dance. It's a bit of an act of violence, and forward-moving, and maybe counter-productive. It comes out of a desire to "make something happen." Sometimes you have this illusion, or is it delusion (?), that nothing happens without a nudge. Hard to tell if this has ever actually worked to your advantage, or not. If you get in a reflective mood, you can review major events in your life and come to the conclusion that all your attempts at "making something happen," opened up nasty avenues and smelly cans of worms which you had to contend with. All your major "fuck-ups" usually emanated from this "making something happen," instinct.
But, you know, were those "fuck-ups" inevitable one way or another? Who knows? What's a life? A series of fuck-ups, car crashes, wrong turns, crushed dreams, stumbles in the dark? Yikes!
Other days you just want the day to wash over you. Bring what it may. The thought: "Whatever is gonna happen, is gonna happen, whatever isn't gonna happen, isn't gonna happen." It's sort of Zen, but it also feels like an abdication, a shrugging-off, a laziness in the face of the moment. But, you know, who knows? There seem to be forces greater than us. A movement, a momentum. Some folks speak of FATE, DESTINY, "everything is written." This idea we are in a grand narrative that is unfolding as it always was going to unfold. I guess in that narrative, we just ride the wave, pay attention to the unfolding, do our part in the moment.
Then again, maybe the Universe is just a long-form improvisation? There is a forward movement, but moment by moment is a toss of the dice. So you don't have a pre-determined script, but an never-ending stream of decision-points, a constant flow "This" or "That?"
Again, Yikes. Who knows? A conundrum. Life.
