I am waiting for things to resolve, or "be" resolved. The waiting, as Tom Petty once sang, "Is the hardest part." It's true. And I am not usually a patient human being. I mean, normally, I am quite excitable and absolutely, totally impatient. So this waiting is excruciating.
I mean, decisions coming down, events happening, could alter the course of my existence. Funny. That's always true, and for every one of us. But at the present moment, there are two very particular situations, problems, decisions, matters, that I am waiting on, and it's driving me a bit nutty. I mean, these are things totally "out of my control." I have no way to resolve them on my own. I am relying on others. The "kindness of strangers." Or the "bold indifference" of others. It's a bit dis-empowering, to say the least.
What to do? How not to go totally batty?
Serpentine. Delve into other things. Occupy myself. Divert my mind. Meditate. Empty my head.
I imagine a river, I am floating down a river, at first I swim against the current, I think I need to get to the source, like somehow I can alter the course of the river, but this is madness, total delusion. Then I let go, I go with the flow. Do I grab onto a rock? Sit and contemplate? No. Do I swim to shore? Yes. I decide to swim to shore. I haul myself up to the shoreline, sopping wet, tired, unfulfilled, unrequited. I sit and yes, I watch the river flow, and the lyrics to Dylan's great shambling song pops into my head:
People disagreeing on all just about everything, yeah
Makes you stop and all wonder why
Why only yesterday I saw somebody on the street
Who just couldn’t help but cry
Oh, this ol’ river keeps on rollin’, though
No matter what gets in the way and which way the wind does blow
And as long as it does I’ll just sit here
And watch the river flow
- B. Dylan
