Faux Fu

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Mystery of Identity

This is going to be one of those "what if" kind of posts...

What if you found out you weren't who you thought you were? That the story of your life, and your family history was incorrect? And all the people who could "clarify" the situation, who could trace, and tell you how events actually rolled out, what actually happened, are now long gone?

And the stories, the "truths" that you grew up with, and lived with, aren't really what you thought they were? And the actual fabric of your being, the building blocks, the deep in the bone elements are actually quite different than what you had been told, and what you believe? And you don't know why the story was told in an altered way, you don't know if there was some dark secret, or embarrassing reality, and what seemed so important way back in the distant past, is now just an interesting fact, but that fact is now blurred, erased, altered, and impossible to bring to the light of day.

And who knows, maybe it was all just a misunderstanding, or a little "white lie" that buried an inconvenient truth, but then there is cold science, and there is biology, and there are some realities that are stubborn and persistent, and will emerge, no matter how the original story was told.

And maybe this doesn't really feel like a "betrayal," maybe it's just another mystery, and you've grown used to all the mysteries that pile up around you, and really it's just a surprise, a surprise that something as specific and "tangible" as your own identity, could be complicated, and contrary, and oddly at odds with so much of who and what you thought you were and are.

And in a way, maybe this changes everything, but then again, maybe it really changes nothing, but instead just opens up another door that leads to a certain foggy darkness, leaves another cloud in your head, and well, it's pretty cloudy in there already, and well, what can you do, that's just the way the story goes.

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