Control

So yes, you realize that you are not in control of your life.  Sometimes you can convince yourself that you are, but then events conspire to show you that this is just a fiction that you've created to try to make yourself feel better.

You then wonder if anyone or anything is in control of anything.  Probably not.  You like to pretend that there's some kind of plan, or agenda, or purpose, but it's probably lots more complicated than that. The world is stuffed with life, with beings of every kind, and every being has an interest, and these interests all connect and collide and compete and... whatever.

You think of fate, luck, destiny... but really these are just other names for "what happens."  And "what happens" is just "what happens."  After "what happens," we tell ourselves stories, and try to explain to ourselves what happened and what it "means."

We invent gods and mythologies, and grand conspiracy theories to try to explain it all...

This is all backward looking, a rear-guard action... and it's reliant on our imagination and creative ability to explain things to ourselves.  Takes lots of energy.  Maybe it's necessary, or maybe it's not.  It's part of our human thing for sure...