"Still Standing!" - Jake La Motta

I find that for my own sanity, (such as it is) that it's usually best to think moment to moment. To not look too far ahead or too far behind.

I mean, I do like to study history and read about people who lived long ago, in places lost in shadow, but usually I'm in the moment to moment of discovery and usually relating what I'm reading to my ever always now.

Still, human beings seem to have this weird propensity to count things. Days, years, decades. I must say that these last 10 years have been quite strange. Much of it is a blur. It's weird what we remember and what we forget.

I'm pretty sure we tend to forget the really important stuff. And what we remember is pretty sparse and lame. Oh yeah, that's my life we're talking about.

There was a lot of smoke and thunder. And people I know and love, died. Some things happened that can't be changed or erased. I guess that's how it works...

And well, finally, left in the corner of the ever present moment, "still standing!"

The Importance of Being Oscar

"The soul is born old, but grows young.

That is the comedy of life.

The body is born young and grows old.

That is life's tragedy."

Oscar Wilde

Crazy Mixed Up Kids

You know, maybe there is a whole community of Gods.

Just like the Greeks imagined.

And maybe really they are just a bunch of crazy, mixed-up kids.

Kind of like high-school on steroids.

That would explain certain things.

"I've rolled in the dirt." - Tom Waits

This morning, while I brewed up a pot of coffee, Tom Waits' voice was riding the radio waves. He was hawking the latest Terry Gilliam movie in which he (Waits) plays the Devil. Talk about type-casting!

Of course, it sounds like a must-see film. Another Quixotic, snake-bit production from the over-heated cortex of Mr. Gilliam. Heath Ledger was to star but during production he drifted off into the sunset riding on 8 prescription drugs. Got to love our medicated mafia. Yee haw!

So Gilliam improvised a solution, multiple actors (including Jude Law and Johnny Depp) pitching in and finishing the film. This kind of stuff always happens to Terry Gilliam.

Anyway, here's my favorite line from Waits this morning: "A shadow of a shadow is light."

World's Greatest Dad - Movie Magic

I totally agree with this little write-up about the soundtrack to Bobcat's "World's Greatest Dad."

One of the essential elements for me for an "all time favorite film" is the soundtrack. It's what can make a scene transcendent, indelible. It's what can get me to see a movie over and over.

And maybe my two favorite songs of this great soundtrack are "Love is Simple" and "Don't be Afraid You're Already Dead," by Akon/Family. Perfect marriage of image and sound. Now that's movie magic!

Don't need no stinking CGI! Just a great script, superb acting, committed work with absolute heart. Thank you Bobcat!

The Genius of Bobcat Goldthwait

We had a nice Christmas day. We went to a Vietnamese place Pho Xe Tang -- Tank Noodle Restaurant on Broadway in Chicago. A really "authentic" place. A nice clean, well-lighted room. It was really bustling when we got there. The food was fresh - I had the Ginger Chicken. The menu is chock full of stuff. Loved it!

Then we watched a great little gem of a movie. It's called "World's Greatest Dad." It has to be one of the best movies released in 2009. I'm putting it on my all time favorites list which includes little movies like Rushmore, Donnie Darko, The Big Lebowski, 24 Hour Party People.

It doesn't sound very promising - Robin Williams playing a dad. But guess what? It's beautiful, very funny, and heartbreakingly sad. Probably not in that order. I mean it's both corrosively and endearingly funny. Robin Williams gives it all he's worth. You've never seen him give a better performance. The movie was written and directed by Bobcat Goldtwaith and I just love what he did - a fully realized vision.

A classic line from Goldthwait: "I am what I hate."

I have been told that I must seek out his other controversial movie "Shakes the Clown" which has been called “the Citizen Kane of alcoholic clown movies.”

I figure it is a must see.

I Knew

My grip sort of loosens.

I can feel life sort of rushing out from between my fingers.

I have no desire to hold too tight.

This is a new development.

I observe myself and others.

It's like I'm watching life go on without me, although, I'm in it too.

There's a new disassociation, a disorientation.

It's neither agreeable nor disagreeable.

"Ever since I was a little ball of golden light, I knew what I wanted to be."

Little Pieces of Light

We showed a Black Forest highlight reel to a small group of folks last night.

A few minutes of color and flash.

Kind of a butterfly glimpse of the theater work we've done over the last 10 years.

That's how it goes.

The smoke clears and you're left with little pieces of light.

"What we got to have in this world is more love...or more slack." - Gram Parsons

Hold That Tiger!

This cheery holiday card came to me via e-mail. Armed with a computer and Photoshop and the world is your oyster.

It's hard to not be totally amused by Tiger's predicament. To go from the perfect image of the determined, focused, hard-nosed golf pro to the ultimate "player" is kind of dizzying.

One minute you are the ultimate brand spokesman, the next you are some kind of global laughing-stock. It's hard to feel sorry for the guy and at the same time you fear for his sanity. He went from totally boring golfing dude, to some kind of Turbo-Casanova. Wow.

Now if his pretty wife actually did go after him with a nine-iron, well it's almost like an O. Henry story. And if she didn't, well can we just say she did?

An Empty Void...

The Lovely Carla and I worked on our little storefront space yesterday. It's been slow going, but we are making progress. Our goal, as per Papa Hemingway - "a clean, well-lighted place."

We put up curtains, we painted, we moved stuff around. Listened to tunes while we worked - The Flying Burrito Brothers, Marianne Faithful, Nick Cave and Warren Ellis (their new disc of movie soundtrack music is moody and haunting!) and Neil Young.

We are working towards a little "art sanctuary." A little space where anything can happen. You must create a void to fill a void.

Grease

"Ain't nothing any good without it has some grease on it." - Tina (former Annie Mae Bullock, of Brownsville, Tennessee) Turner

Amazing Vibe of Love

The days are getting really short. Kind of go from a dim darkness to a dark darkness. And all the shades of gray in between.

In the midst of the gray, we have been showered with gifts and validation and love. By people we hardly know.

How odd. Living for days on end, on the kindness of strangers.

If feels good, unreal. Don't want to jinx it.

The repressed Catholic in me (after all these years still haven't totally throttled that beast) thinks we don't really deserve it.

There's a tinge of guilt. So absurd. Probably best to just ride the amazing vibe of love...

Hard Lessons

The hardest lessons...

1. Sometimes you have to take a step back to take a step forward.

This seems absurd. The result is you end up in the same place right? I don't know, over time I have learned that sometimes you do have to go backwards to go forward. I guess it's sort of a Zen thing. Or maybe it's cuz the earth is round?

2. Sometimes you just have to show patience.

This drives me mad. I mean the clock is ticking. Not getting any younger. Time may be relative, but it stops for no man. I need shit to happen now! Still, sometimes patience is a virtue. No one said a virtuous life is a happy life.

Microbes - Abbie Normal!

So according to the Medea Hypothesis life is it's own worst enemy.

Sort of has the ring of truth, don't cha think?

And paleontologist Peter Douglas Ward wants us to know that:

"Multicellular life, understood as a superorganism, is suicidal."

So all you superorganisms out there take note. If you've ever been to a bar late on a Saturday night, you know what he's talking about.

"Succeeding at suicide would return Earth to the microbial-dominated state that has been the norm for most of its history."

The Microbes shall inherit the earth! All hail the microbe!

Life During Wartime

The boiler is working.

The radiators are radiating.

Steam is filling our apartment.

Outside is colder than, (as Tom Waits once said) "the ticket-taker's smile at the Ivar theater."

It's a battle of elements just to keep our bodies warm.

We survive as a result of a war.

And that's just one of a million tiny wars that make up a life.

Viva la resistance!

Snakes

The snakes are sleeping.

No, they are awake, but laying low.

They never sleep.

They lie in the grass, coiled like fists.

Ready to spring at any moment.

And those moments always come.

You think you can be-friend them.

But this is not the case at all.

Words and Actions

"I did not run for office to be helping out a bunch of fat cat bankers on Wall Street." - B. Obama


Okay. So then just why are you helping out a bunch of fat cat bankers on Wall Street?

Friends

Playing that Human Game is such a trip. Put a bunch of humans in a room together. Fill up the punch bowl with some unholy concoction and watch the room spin out.

"It's a party!"

"We're having fun!"

As I've said before, fun isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Still, being human is pretty much the only bet left. At this point all one can do is kind of play out the string and see what happens.

Still I'm glad I skipped the punch bowl and stuck to the red wine. The morning after, I find myself in a state of wonder, stuck with the usual questions.

"Why?" "What happened?" "What does it all mean?" "Where am I going?" "Why a Duck?!"

And of course, these questions turn out to be my bosom buddies, my life-long best friends. They never fail me.

"Adapt, and Die a Little Later"

As they say, "adapt, or die." Of course, what they mean, "adapt, and die a little later." Or as the Lizard King once put it, "No one gets out of here alive."

And I guess that can be sort of depressing, or or sort of liberating, depending on the quality of the brew, the curvature of the earth, and whether it's a good hair day or not.

So a sub-zero day doesn't mean huddling on the floor of your apartment praying for Spring.

No it's means, bringing out the heavy artillery: one pair of long-johns, two pairs of socks, three pairs of gloves, the dead man's boots, two sweaters, one long wool scarf, a pair of shades, and a fluffy, almost impossibly silly hat.

Almost makes the day livable. Whatever it takes, baby!