Back to Basics...

Get back to the things you love to do. That is the best advice for living a well-rounded, satisfying life. It was back to basics for us yesterday afternoon. Three of us;  guitar, violin, vocalist gathered in a circle, connecting musically. Listening to each other, communicating via invisible vibrations wafting thru the air around us. Soul-work. It was so necessary, so healing. It's sort of a magical thing, but all it takes is the gathering, the commitment, the doing. Simple. Easy. Exciting. Amazing.

Dark Chocolate, Yes...

I had a "blue day" yesterday. A tropical depression in my solar plexus. It happens. Not sure why. I mean, if I think about it, I could probably come up with a million reasons near and far why I was feeling a bit down.

Depression. 

It's almost like a drug flooding my body. I can feel it. It's a heavy feeling. It usually doesn't last more than a day or two. I am usually going thru some things. Changes. Or reacting to some negative stimulus. I am adjusting to the way I think about things.

So maybe it's like "adjustment time." I have learned best for me to be alone, solitary, quiet. I decided to read a book (Flea's childhood memoir - what a crazy-ass life), and listen to one of my favorite records (Workingman's Dead - 1970),  on my headphones. Also went to bed early. Slept long and hard.

And I dreamed. I dreamed about Chocolate. Dark Chocolate. Chocolate in various forms. So, yes, today, I buy some dark chocolate,  I do believe in following my dreams!

Dig the Silence...

You hear more stories of crazy people being crazy, and well, you are at a loss of what to think, or what to say. Maybe best to be silent. A silent witness. You want to do your best to be your best. And the madness, the wackiness, the zany-ness, the stone-cold crazy-ness just leaves you empty. So yeah, dig the silence. Find comfort there.

Reclaim, Recharge...

Putting yourself "out there." You realize this is always happening. Every conversation, every email, every post, every creative project. Any idea you float. Any time your express an opinion, or offer up your feelings. You are putting your energy out into the world.

You need to claim it, call it all back. You need your energy. You need to focus it, channel it. It is what you use to create, what animates your body, what animates your head and your soul. So yeah, sitting silently, meditating, sitting on a bench watching the waves roll in. All necessary. All healing activities.

Being solitary. Finding the calm center. Residing there often. Essential.

Finding Our Voices...

We went to an event and saw and heard Ravi Coltrane yesterday afternoon. Ravi, the son of John Coltrane, a giant in Jazz. Ravi is a powerful, graceful presence himself. When he blew into his Soprano Saxophone it filled the little room with an amazing, thrilling, deeply wonderful sound. When he spoke of his life, of  growing up the son of a legend, a mythic figure, doing his best to find his own voice, it totally resonated with us. The creative journey. The journey of our lives.

Decisions...

Yes. 

Decisions you make today, can have massive, unforeseen consequences down the line. That is the reality of being Human; making snap decisions with partial, sometimes faulty, or completely wrong information at your fingertips.

Everything goes down on your permanent record. You can choose amnesia later, but it only goes so far. Denial is a strategy with clear limits. You can and will be wrong. Often. Hopefully, you survive, make it thru unscathed, or only partially-scathed, you end up with some character-making scars, but if you are lucky (where does luck come from?), you hold it together, are able to stand upright to face another day, to make other decisions.

Sometimes you "know what's right." Sometimes you do what "feels right." Sometimes this works out ok, sometimes it really, really doesn't. You want to take Spike Lee's advice: "Do the Right Thing," but often that right thing is obscure, obstructed, a scampering Chimera just out of your grasp.

You can see pivot points in your life. They are guided by "Yes," "No, and "Maybe." Being right, being wrong in the heat of the moment.  Knowing when "Yes," can be deadly, and "No" can be life-saving, or, you know, sometimes the other way around.

You want to avoid being "Dead Right," or "Dead Wrong." But it's a crap shoot every time.

Cool Temps/Cool Head.

It's cooler around here. Good temps for sleeping. Feeling calm, clear-headed, detached. All my trials and tribulations seem like a faded memory. That shit can't touch me now. The coffee brew is potent, fires me up. I discovered Not Milk and it's my new favorite thing. Add a bit of it to a hot mug of coffee and you really have some sweet-tasting, light & refreshing rocket fuel. No, I am not a paid product endorser, but I am a new fan of Not Milk Whole! I still drink Oat Milk too, but man, Not Milk is the real deal.

Listening to Ray Charles this morning. I am a Beatles/Stones/Dylan guy, but you know, no one is as good as Ray Charles.  An unmatched body of work. A trail-blazer, boundary-crosser, innovator, an American original. This morning every song on the Anthology I am spinning is a dagger to the heart, a soulful infusion of good feeling. Amazing. Energizing. Gives me joy, and hope. I wonder what today will bring? I am ready.

It's All Too Much...

You want to take it all in...

but... really... it's all too much...

too much life

too much death

too much information

too much disinformation

too much chaos

too much bad blood

too hot

too cold

too extreme

too silly

too stupid

too gobsmackingly ridiculous

too many Human Beings on the planet

too much hate

too much racism

too much religious extremism

too much EGO

not enough Love

not enough Humility

not enough Grace

A Lesson...

Let's just say that you suffered an epic beatdown. 

Maybe you deserved it. And you didn't really defend yourself. You overstepped your bounds, and well, it was not well-received, and the crowd decided you needed to be punished, that you needed to learn a lesson.

So, you endured a very public beatdown in front of folks you really love and admire. 

Maybe you were well-intentioned, but it wasn't perceived that way. In retrospect, you realize you were quite self-righteous and you were fighting someone else's battle, and this positioned you to come across like some puffed up moral crusader. Not your usual stance.

You didn't fight back. You didn't get angry. You didn't lash back. You sat down and took the punishment. Total surrender.

Afterwards you felt a bit surly, wounded, down, deflated. But at the same time, you were surprised that you found a bit of inner strength. You took a licking, and kept on ticking. And then the feelings fell away. And you found a calmness, a clarity, in the center of your being, and it all seemed like a bit of a necessary cleanse.

You carried on. And the folks you loved and admired rallied back to you. You endured. You survived. And your letting go came across as a sign of strength. As George Harrison once sang: "Life goes on within you and without you."

So, yeah, ok, that was lesson.

You Can't Stew...

Well. You can't stew. You have to let shit go. And, really, stirring the shit, is no way to spend your precious time. So you spend lots of time letting things go, clearing your space, so you can fill it with other shit, which you then let go.

It's a process. Sounds sort of shitty, but it's essential. Take in the world, and let it go. Don't take anything personally, even though everything seems personal. In and out. It's a flow thing. Go with the flow and let it go.

Why Do Do People Love to Embrace the Liars and their Lies?

Here is an excellent Monday morning question: "Why Do People Believe Liars?"

It is funny, weird, befuddling, & confounding to watch your fellow Human Beings embrace lies with gusto. They actually go out of their way to embrace, believe in, and live with, obvious,  toxic, counter-productive, and body and soul-killing bullshit. A few recent examples see Putin, Trump, Anti-Vaxx, Anti-Immigrant B.S.

And fuck, that B.S. is toxic to not only them but the other Human Beings around them. The lies are literally killing people, and destroying the institutions we have created to live together in harmony. 

From the writer Ruth Ben-Ghiat author of "Strongman: From Mussolini to the Present."

"Often, people just want to believe the liar. Personality cults increase the leader’s credibility, since they present him as possessed of special powers or ruling with a divine mandate, making him seem infallible (the slogan “Mussolini is always right” says it all). Strongmen also know how to be persuasive, especially if they previously worked as journalists (Mussolini and the Congo’s Mobutu Sese Seko), in television (Italy’s Silvio Berlusconi and Trump) or were professional dissemblers (Putin was a KGB case officer). These practiced liars work hard to seem authentic --- just look at Narendra Modi’s Instagram performances.

Moreover, once people bond with the leader, they may be inclined to dismiss any evidence that conflicts with his claims, or overlook contradictions in his messages. They believe him because they believe in him. Or, in an interesting twist, they know he is lying, but they decide that they don’t care: better him than his enemy (who, as they have been taught to believe, lies even more). And some people actually approve of all the lying, seeing it as rule-breaking by a rogue they adore.

Hannah Arendt observed that Nazism and Communism made people less able over time to distinguish between fact and fiction, truth and falsehood. Today's illiberal leaders encourage a similar atrophying of critical skills, as do the social media platforms that so many use as a primary information source. Investing in media literacy is essential, but so is education about the damages of authoritarian models of power that turn leaders into infallible god-like figures--and lying into official state policy." - Ruth Ben-Ghiat

Carnival Ride Gone Wrong...

There is the noise, the funk, the hurly, the burly, the toil, the trouble, all that jazz, and razzmatazz. It's like a family of bees buzzing around in your head. Human Beings swarming around you, dizzy with spirits, needing, wanting, grasping, desperate to be happy, desperate to feel alive, desperate not to die.

It's an awesome thing, to be in the middle of the maelstrom, the calm center in the eye of the hurricane. Watching the world spin off it's hinges like a some terrible carnival ride gone wrong. Separate, detached; I retreat into myself. There is a sanctuary, in the calm center. A secret garden. I retreat to that safe space, licking my wounds, with thoughts of healing & repairing and reconstituting a new configuration. Imagining another frame. "Keep calm, carry on." Yes, indeed.

Where We are Now - Living with Monsters...

"People who shut their eyes to reality simply invite their own destruction, and anyone who insists on remaining in a state of innocence long after that innocence is dead turns himself into a monster."- James Baldwin

Trials & Tribulations...

Humility: "freedom from pride or arrogance : the quality or state of being humble."

Sometimes you choose to be humble, and sometimes you are chosen. Have you ever experienced earth-shattering, ego-deflating, complete and utter humiliation? 

It's not fun. 

I have experienced it a few times in my life. I have suffered a few total beat-downs: mental, physical, psychological, spiritual.

Usually, or no, always, I bring it upon myself. Usually, or no, always, it happens when I am shooting from the hip, acting decisively, without much forethought.

Jump in elbows flying, blood spattering, damn the torpedoes. And well, that is how you end up damning yourself to hell or a least to purgatory. That is if you believe in hell and/or purgatory.

If I look back on my life, I realize that these humiliations were pivot points. I would not be a writer, a guitar player, a playwright, I would not be me, without these humiliating, mortifying trials and tribulations.

I also wouldn't have these scars, uncertainties, foibles, hesitancies, doubts, insecurities either. Life = the sum of all the wins, losses, false starts, dead ends, car crashes, slip-ups, laughter, loves, hates, fuckups.

If you make it thru, it's like that old Timex watch commercial: takes a licking, keeps on ticking...

Charged & Tricky...

Believing.  A tricky and charged subject in these tricky and charged times. What we believe in, or don't believe in, can be detrimental to our health and well-being.  I do think as Human Beings we need to believe in things. But what we choose to believe in is a "sticky wicket." 

Best to stick to hazy, nebulous, open-ended things, such as:

An open mind

Kindness

The Good Work

Grace

Love

Beauty

The Scientific Method

Change

Energy

Improvisation

Evolution

Do you believe in reality?

“Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.” - Philip K. Dick

Right.

"Kissing his Fat Butt..."

More bombshells from the latest Bob Woodward book about the Trump Debacle Years. This one is called "Peril." It is amazing we lived thru this shit, and our fragile Democracy has (barely) survived. How to sum up all the stories coming out now?

The Fat Gaseous Dirigible nearly burned the house down.  The Joint Chiefs were worried the Fat Gaseous Dirigible was going to launch a pre-emptive strike on China just for the fuck of it. And most of the folks around him just stood around with their thumbs up their asses.

There are a few heroes in the saga. Including my favorite, the leader of the House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi.  According to the book, this is a real conversation that she had with Mark Miley the 20th Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff: 

This is all so Stanley Kubrick-Dr.-Stangelove-Like, except in this case Trump was the bomb.  Fat Gaseous Dirigible slimed the country in so many ways.  We are still digging out of the pile of shit he dropped on us. Yikes...

Sense & Nonsense...

David Byrne and Talking Heads once told us: "Stop Making Sense" (1984).

Exactly. I woke up with these words on the tip of my tongue this morning: "It doesn't make any sense."

Why? 

Various reasons. Events and circumstances near & far.

And it's true, oftentimes it doesn't make sense. And really it doesn't have to. 

Sometimes what "is" just "is." Reality is our teacher. And reality is bigger, more comprehensive, than us. We will learn or not. We can learn the easy way, or the hard way, but we will learn one way or another.

And learning doesn't mean it's all gonna be sensible.  Or common-sensical. 

This is all even before we get to our fellow Human Beings. A tricky, complicated, bifurcated, contradictory, unwieldy, unruly, hairy lot.

Yikes. People are freaking tricky. It's been proven over and over and over. And we are stuck with sense, non-sense & sensibility. All quite challenging.

Modulate the Crazy...

Yeah, well, you know, sometimes you feel like Yossarian, the only sane & rational human being in an insane and irrational Universe, but then, again, you know that that's probably totally crazy.  And, of course, it would be the crazy one who thinks they are the only un-crazy one in the Universe.

I have a grand theory for why we are all basically, completely nutzo. We are conscious beings who know that we and everyone we love, will die. AND, although we highly value our lives, our own particular life doesn't really add up to a hill of beans in the Universal picture.

Now, I do think you can get your head around all of this, but that doesn't mean you aren't a crazy human being too. You can try to be humble, realize life is a big, grand, adventure, and not really about you. You do your best and let the torpedoes fly. And yes, you will cease to exist at some point, but, well, so what?! You know, you try to modulate the crazy. 

How?

Be here now.  Lean to the light. Live with grace and humility. Don't take things too seriously.  Do your best not to make yourself, or others, crazy. Remember Gravity, Common Sense, Logic, Practicalities, Logistics, Love, Humanity, Goodness.

That's pretty much it. And it's probably enough. I mean, to quote from the movie "Babe." "That'll do pig!"

Head in the Game...

If you pressed me, I guess I would say the only thing that has kept my "head in the game," is keeping my head in the game. What game? The game of imagining, creating, collaborating.

We have done it in various ways thru the years, especially thru theater, poetry, music, art. 

Lately, having a band, creating music with a group of musicians, in tune, all on the same wavelength has been amazing, gratifying, totally exciting, fulfilling and satisfying.

We sorely missed it all during pandemic lockdown. We are back at it, rehearsing indoors, all masked, and a bit distant, and we have played out in the world, in parks, gardens, on sidewalks, in alleys.

Nothing quite like creating and collaborating with gifted and giving human beings. Also, we are reminded that there is an audience thirsty for it all. 

Amazing. Beautiful. Keeps my head in the game, feeds the heart, the head, the soul.

Unforgettable...

20 years since the tragedy/atrocity of the 9/11 Trade Center attack.

A searing, unforgettable event. It blew a hole in our reality, and changed us all.

A savage, devastating attack that unleashed a savage, devastating response:

War in Afghanistan

War in Iraq

War on Terror

Guantanamo

Abu Ghraib

Bush/Cheney Torture Regime

Fear

Hatred

My grand theory: We all suffered from a case of deep PTSD. We all suffered, we all were diminished by the original terror attack, and the over the top, ferocious response. Everyone around the globe felt the effects of it all.

And we are still reeling all these many years later.

Human Beings. We must do better. Remember we are Human Beings first. We have so much more in common, than not.

A Bottom-Less Well...

"To vax or not to vax?"

It seems like a "no-brainer," but it turns out the no-brain ones are refusing to get the jab.

Who knew that would be even be a question in this late-stage, dystopian paradise?

It is all a bit baffling. I'd say, yes, I am Gob-smacked!

The depths of stupidity of my fellow Human Beings seems to have no bounds. Turns out "stupid" is a bottom-less well. 

President Joe is trying to get folks to do the right thing. Mandates! You go Joe, the nation turns it's lonely eyes to you. 

Meet Your Nemesis...

Meet your Nemesis: "the goddess who enacts retribution against those who succumb to hubris, arrogance before the gods." So, according to the Greeks, our first Nemesis is hubris & arrogance. Check!

I may be wrong, but I believe that the Goddess Nemesis can also inhabit Human Beings. And part of life & of growing up, is dealing with these personal incarnations of the Goddess Nemesis.

My first Nemesis was a fat kid, a neighborhood bully, who liked to pick on me, who used to beat me up, sit on my chest, and make me eat dirt. One year, I got in a lucky punch, a wild swing, that bloodied his nose. That was the end of the bullying. That fat kid was the first Nemesis I defeated.

It was liberating.

I have met my own special Nemesis other times along my journey. As an adult, I find that my Nemesis appears as a friend, a business associate, a collaborator,  someone unique, special, someone at first blush who seems like an important person to embrace.

This is probably the most dangerous Nemesis you can conjure. Someone so close to you, you can feel their breath on your shoulder. They work on you with smiles, kindness, and social niceties. You have major affinities with this person. They seem like an important friend and ally.

If I review my history on the planet, I see that my Nemesis has always provoked a major confrontation and a deep existential crisis. I either had to outright defeat them, or walk away, lick my wounds, and try my best to recharge & reformulate my life. I can see major pivot points in my life, where my Nemesis reared up, and I had to rise to meet them, and vanquish, or be vanquished. Sometimes it was a draw. A long slow retreat.

And then a slow renewal.

The Nemesis is out to destroy you. The most dangerous ones my even be unaware that their mission is to totally nullify you as a person & creative spirit.

A new one has made itself known to me. Yesterday it was clear.  The mask slipped. A new Nemesis I must contend with emerged. Funny. I didn't see it coming. And of course, that's part of the deal. 

I know what to do. I can survive this, but some hard decisions and actions are required. Life is funny that way.

Richer, Deeper, More Complicated...

Go-to phrases for me:

From the Firesign Theatre two of the finest...

1. We are all Bozos on this Bus.

2. Everything You Know is Wrong.

AND

From Anthony Bourdain...

1. I am Certain of Nothing.

Those seem like good starting points for a life of adventure. Life, you know, the thing we are working thru?

Reality is our great teacher. See what is in front of our noses. Alive, Aware, Awake. It seems to me that we are here to try our best to discern what is "true," and what really, IS. To best understand what comes thru our "senses five."

We must remember that our experience is limited, even if it feels like everything.

Also, we must be aware of our biases. It is so easy to fall into lazy thinking. Stereotypes. False characterizations. That's how we get to the great human fallacies: prejudice, racism, white-supremacy and other pernicious idiocies.

At the same time, it is true, sometimes people do act like a stereotype. Stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. But, then again, they can blind us.

Of course, I have my own blind-spots, if you are a White, Southern, Evangelical, MAGA-hat wearing, Anti-Vaxxer, it is hard for me to see past those idiotic signifiers. My first reaction would be: WTF? What happened to you, that you descend to such an idiotic state? My tendency would be to dismiss you, steer clear, move on.

AND my Progressive, Blue-Bubble, Bullshit Detector goes on high alert when anyone starts a sentence with...

The Muslims...

The Christians...

The Jews...

The Mexicans...

The Blacks...

The Homosexuals...

The Polish...

The Germans...

You know folks talking about "the Other Ones..."

It's best to remember that People are Tricky. And Life, Reality, Human Beings are richer, deeper, more complicated, contradictory, exciting, and unpredictable than we can imagine.

Imagine that, Dear Pilgrim.

Our Stupid Future...

This... exactly...

Sometimes it is a challenge to find signs of intelligent life on this little blue planet...

Being in Tune...

Being "in tune."

I think of Pete Townshend's song: "There once was a note, pure & easy..." 

Pete was running with that idea that the Universe is made up of vibrations (also see "Tommy"), and each one of us has our own, unique note which we carry, and embody. We all vibrate at our own frequency, a frequency unlike any other. We are musical notes in some grand symphony.

We are out in the Universe, matriculating, looking for others that we are in tune with, you know folks who embody complimentary notes. There are some folks who we are totally in tune with, those would be folks we love and hang with, and then there are those who we totally out of tune with, they might be the bullies and tormentors, "the stupids," those who at the present moment in time refuse to play along, refuse to vaxx and mask up endangering themselves and everyone around them. 

What happens when the in tune folks bump up against the out of tune folks? Dissonance. A clash of vibes. Not heavenly music, but un-heavenly noise, an unholy racket.

This a good time to see who you are in tune with and who you aren't. Vibrate away, dear Pilgrim. Best to look for those human beings finely tuned to your own unique frequency. A beautiful noise, that's the idea.

Weird Dream...

Weird dream last night...

A strange

deserted city

lost highway

missed connections

late for a meeting

running down the street

suddenly surrounded

by overheated motor vehicles

i am on foot

running 

against 

the tide

it is all so disturbing

i awake with a start

fucking... dream...

My Horse-DeWormer America...

How we got to horse de-wormer (from Fantasyland by Kurt Andersen):

 
"America was created by true believers and passionate dreamers, by hucksters and their suckers—which over the course of four centuries has made us susceptible to fantasy, as epitomized by everything from Salem hunting witches to Joseph Smith creating Mormonism, from P.T. Barnum to Henry David Thoreau to speaking in tongues, from Hollywood to Scientology to conspiracy theories, from Walt Disney to Billy Graham to Ronald Reagan to Oprah Winfrey to Donald Trump. In other words: mix epic individualism with extreme religion; mix show business with everything else; let all that steep and simmer for a few centuries; run it through the anything-goes 1960s and the Internet age; the result is the America we inhabit today, where reality and fantasy are weirdly and dangerously blurred and commingled." - K. Andersen

Lost. Floating.

I feel lost. 

Floating.

I drank a pot of coffee, and then ate organic dill pickles and Kalamata olives for breakfast.  Oh yeah, and some squares of dark chocolate and a banana. Yikes. Breakfast of Champions.

Weird. 

Tasty.

I am in a strange mood, no doubt.

Lost.

Floating.

Alternate Path...

Yes, just because everyone else is mad, sad, overly-glad, super-excited, agitated, angry, violent, stupid, nutzo, over-bearing, loud, proud, insane, addicted to opioids, drunk on their asses, whipped up into a consumerist-frenzy, unthinking, unreflective, hyper, anxious, frothing at the mouth, treating themselves with horse-de-wormer, needing, wanting, grasping at straws, arming themselves with assault rifles, stuffing their fat guts with fast-food, hating on humanity; doesn't mean you have to go along and get along.

Nope. You can choose an alternate path. You  do not need to follow the Human Herd.

Choose to be Silent, Calm, Collected, Thoughtful, Graceful, Reflective, Meditative. Don't let the World push your buttons. Breathe, Think, Care.  

You can choose to be... Alive, Aware, Awake. Soulful. Full of Soul! Damn the Fucking Torpedos. 

The Right Call...

I am happy that Joe Biden is President. I am glad he decided to end our "Forever War" in Afghanistan. 20 years is long enough. It was a debacle, a total waste of blood & treasure. It is not easy to admit defeat, to pull back and leave. Joe is taking the political heat for making the call, but it is truly the right call and he can take the heat. Thank you Joe Biden. 

"The American people should hear this: 300 million dollars a day for two decades," President Biden says. "What have we lost as a consequence, in terms of opportunities? I refuse to continue a war that was no longer in the service of the vital national interests of our people." - J. Biden