Do it Fully...

Turns out I was correct. There is so much to worry about, might as well not worry about anything. Yes. Easier said than done. It's up to us to do what we will do. Hopefully, we do everything we do with all we have: heart, head, soul. Taking a running jump into the sea and damn the torpedos.  That's the best way to live, to do it fully, with clarity and intention.

So we run the Universe. It seems like it only runs one way, but every moment is a pivot point, every decision is decisive. Our lives, our decisions hang in the air, in the moment, and we rely upon probabilities and random chance.  Which way will the cookie crumble? Sometimes it all feels like destiny & fate.

So my favorite saying lately: "Whatever is gonna happen, is gonna happen. Whatever isn't gonna happen, isn't gonna happen."

And that's OK. I mean, basically, it has to be. And why not?

Still Wildly Happy...

100 days of Joe Biden's Presidency...

I am still wildly happy. My two favorite words every morning when I click on the radio: "President Biden."

Is he a prophet, a savior picked by the hand of God to cash us in and redeem all of our sins? No. He's just a Human Being. Just a guy. A long-time politician. A long-time public servant. A man who knows policy & issues, and how to get things through the gears and levers of government.

A compassionate, passionate, empathic human. Smart, experienced, competent, honest.

I do think he is the perfect human being for our present moment. His experience in Congress and as Obama's VP for 8 years uniquely qualifies him to be one of the most transformative and successful Presidents in the country's history.

Really. 

That's my take from my progressive blue bubble. Good news. Yes. The good news is Biden is doing the good work. He is surrounding himself with a great team of people willing to roll up their sleeves and do the essential things. Re-building America. A Green New Deal. Lift up the middle class. Do a little creative re-distribution of wealth. Strengthen the safety net for Americans. Promote a more equal, just and racially-inclusive country. 

A big menu. A grand buffet of Democratic ideas. This all can happen. I do believe. Go Joe.

Tough Job...

"Maximize empathy for all living things." I heard someone on the radio speak that sentence. Nice sentiment. A worthy goal. A way to try to live. Maybe our job is to not "try," but do? Maybe easier said than done?

I am aligned with the sentiment. Empathy for all seems like a smart, soulful, loving choice. I usually, or let's say primarily try to live that way. I cultivate my empathy for life and living things. Of course, it's a bit tricky and not easy, and often a challenge. What of the horrors, what of the assholes, what of the killers, the evil ones, the "bad people?" Or, you know, the people who do bad things. Often.

What of those who inflict suffering on others? 

It's a conundrum. My strategy, and I'm not saying it's a good one, I practice avoidance. You know walk away. Shut down. Cut off. Eliminate those people and those situations which are so clearly anti-life and anti-human. Get out of the way. Move on.

How to show empathy & compassion for someone who has no empathy or compassion? How to, (I almost hate to bring him up), do that "Jesus thing," and "Love thine enemies."

Fuck. That's a hard nut to crack. I find it easier to love nature, love all the pretty little creatures. Human Beings are another thing altogether. What a tricky species: complicated, complex, contrary, contradictory, mean, selfish, willfully ignorant, hateful, horrifying, cruel. Capable of great love and empathy AND intense hate and cruelty. 

It is hard to find empathy for the hateful and the cruel. Really. I mean it.

From Your Dark Cave...

Optimism. 

It comes with the Spring, with the sunshine, with the blue sky, with the warmth; the flowers blooming, the birds chirping, the green shoots shooting. The days are a slightly more gentle; meeting and caressing you as you emerge from your dark cave.

You greet folks on the street. Some of these folks you haven't seen in a very long pandemic time. Tentative, expectant smiles. Eyes sparkling. A decided lightness in the air. Maybe better days ahead? 

What if just taking in a breath is no longer an existential danger, or it's at least a precipitously declining risk? That would be a new thing, again.

Days...

The days are weird. The days our ours. We own them. We ride them. We surf them. We experience them. They ride over us. They plow us under. We emerge, or submerge, or diverge, to and from the days. They are variable. They are blend-able. They are sneaky. They sneak up on you. They clobber you over the head. They can pass you by, as if you are invisible. 

These are your days. You only have so many of them. The more you have behind you, the less you have in front of you. That seems to be a fact. Better not to count. Better to just be in the day. As fully as you can. Let each day come, don't judge them. Greet them. Embrace them. Experience them. 

Days. Right. These are the days. No doubt. 

"A toe-tapping white guy."

"A toe-tapping white guy."

Not exactly how I would describe myself, but those words came to me in my sleep last night, so I feel I must at least mull them over, and consider them, I mean, if the shoe fits. I do listen to, and play, and think about music, all the time. I do have a good sense of time. I can keep a beat. Just like Yo-Yo Ma I do consider music  to be my "spiritual practice." I mean, otherwise, I am nothing like Yo-Yo Ma. He was a child prodigy, brought up to be a musician, he decided at 2 1/2 that the violin was not for him. He settled on the double-bass at age 4 as his instrument of choice. He became one of the greatest cellists in the history of cellists.

Me? A toe-tapping white guy.

Music is my religion. I started playing guitar at around 12 years old. I am a long-time strummer. But you know, I've also done a lot of wandering around, feeling my way in the dark, sometimes put the guitar away in a closet and didn't touch it. For many years I had no clue. What was I going to do with my life? Where was the meaning and purpose? Who was I? Where was I going? Lots of uncertainty.

Later I settled on theater, acting, writing, directing. And then, my partner and I worked music into our theater pieces, and that totally re-lit the flame. Music, playing guitar, singing, writing songs, became a mission, a purpose, a meaning, a practice, a way of life. It's been that way pretty much ever since. Bands. Band practice. Intense song-writing sessions. Playing, to always be playing, is the thing.

And listening. Listening to music for me is a transcendental, mystical experience. I don't just listen to records, I absorb them, sink into them, totally lose myself into them. It's a powerful, rewarding, exciting, never-ending inspiration. Lately, I commune with sounds by putting on my super-cool headphones and get horizontal and let the music wash over me. Dare I say it, it brings me closer to god, or you know, a god-like state of mind. Vibrations. Sounds. I do think those sound-waves change your brain-chemistry. They can transport you, change you. It's just the best thing, it's a religion, whether you tap your toe or not.

Outrage and B.S.

Yes. Well. My "Outrage Meter," was on overload for the last four years (see the Toxic Clown Prez), every day was a challenge, an insult, an outrage and a god-smacking display of stupidity, criminality, and outright nihilism. American Kleptocrat in action! Thank goodness the Toxic, Gaseous Dirigible has been retired to Mar a Lago.

Turns out my "Bullshit Detector" is now super-sensitive. Any little whiff of B.S. near or far, and I am on heightened alert. My tolerance for lies, or equivocations, or bad blood, or stupid acts, or the GOP's recalcitrance and obstruction is nil. The GOP's embrace of white supremacy and mob violence is just the latest undeniable revelation. No hiding now for those small-minded, soulless scoundrels.

Joe Biden and the Democrats must stand and deliver for America. They must demonstrate that Democracy works, even if the other party has devolved into a pathetic display of Nihilistic Political Performance Art.  Fuck them all. We have bigger fish to fry. Bigger issues to deal with. We need to work on solutions.

Better days ahead. If we do the good work.

A Numbers Game...

Yesterday was eventful. We rented a car and I took my long-time companion for her 2nd jab, she got the Pfizer vaccine, out at an abandoned K-Mart in the Western suburbs, a defunct store now fully operational as a vaccination site run by the U.S. Army. It was busy place, with lots of folks streaming in and out. Inside there were long, snaking lines, and about 30 or so vaxx stations dispensing the magic elixir. 

A pretty impressive operation. U.S. Army Medics doing the good work.

The science tells us my friend will be at peak immunity from Covid-19 in 2 weeks. So a huge step forward toward the community of immunity in this household. It's been a long, strange, journey, indeed. We do feel like we have put the fear of Covid-19 behind us. There are still clouds of death and disease hovering over the human herd. 

We hear crazy-ass stories of some folks in deep denial and resistance to the vaccine. Mind-boggling. Human Beings are tricky. And it's clear that some of us are committed to being uncooperative, irresponsible assholes, putting everyone else at risk. You hope the non-assholes outnumber the assholes. It is sort of numbers game now.

Funny Sentences...

A couple of supremely improbable sentences I have found myself speaking out-loud lately...

"I am not your monkey!"

AND

"I am not a Hobo!"

But, you know, truth be told, when I get hyped up, I can find myself doing monkey-like things, and I do have some Hobo-like tendencies. And now that I think about it, I  once portrayed a Hobo in a soup kitchen scene on the TV show "The Untouchables."

So, I mean, who am I fooling?

Social Justice for All...

"Social Justice for all."

Is it possible? Certainly a worthy goal. We should strive to make the country fair and free for all. We should strive to treat all human beings with dignity and respect. We should demand that the law be applied equally and fairly across the country. We should value every human being. 

We live in a brutal, politically & racially-divided country. It's the ugly reality of our lives. No doubt. Can we transcend our differences? Can we drop the hate and division? Can we realize a "more perfect union?" It is the good work. It is worth putting our heads together and giving it a go. No doubt. 

I recently filled out some paperwork. I had to check a box about RACE. I ended up checking "WHITE," but I wanted to check "OTHER," or fill in the blank with "HUMAN BEING."

At best I am a Heinz 57 mix of all kinds of threads from the Human tribe. I don't identify as "WHITE," no, I identify myself as a Citizen of the World, a Human Being. I am merely like every other Human Being on the planet. No better. No worse. The same.

I do know my "WHITENESS" gives me a privileged position in this society, this culture, this country. I reject that. I am ashamed of that. I didn't ask for it. That privilege is a problem. Some how, some way we need to get past that shit.

Yeah, Mystery, Right...

I have no problem embracing the mystery at the heart of all things. I don't think it's a cop-out. I do think we are here to see, to observe, to gaze, to wonder, to try to figure things out, but at the same time, it's ok, maybe even essential, to admit that all our knowledge is partial, incomplete, often up for revision.  It's ok to change our minds, to sift thru the evidence and to rarely come to final conclusions. We live in a lively, morphing, overwhelming Universe. We are limited by our senses and by our malleable and fallible brains. We have some great tools at our disposal, we have achieved some great things as a species, but it's all fungible, erasable, kind of paltry in the grand scheme of things. Yeah, mystery, right.

Act Together As a Species?

Pandemic fatigue? 

Yes, sure. I am fully vaxxed, my companion gets her 2nd jab this Thursday, so we are doing are part to get beyond this Covid-19 nightmare, but we do know there is no "normal" to get back to, and we know that there has been a psychic toll dealing with what we are all dealing with. We are feeling a bit stressed, and tired from over a year of heightened fear and vigilance. Weird times for sure.

The dark clouds are parting a bit, there is light breaking thru. Sleeping a bit better lately. Hoping everyone can get on-board with this vaccine idea. It would be so good to see the human population reach herd immunity on the planet. Is it possible? Sure. It's really up to us. Do we want to be responsible, healthy, smart? Can we act together as a species? This is a pretty good test. Do we pass, do we fail? I guess we shall see.

The Boss Calls the Tune...

I love this photo from the inside booklet. The old guys are in charge. The Boss is calling the tune, the old hands are at the mixing board. It's sort of like the Wild Bunch, hitting the trail, girding for another battle with their demons.

There is something reassuring about having an opportunity to listen to a new a record, "Letter to You" (2020), by Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band. These old-timers have been doing it for a long, long time. There is a continuity, even though the years have rushed by, and what Bruce is singing about today, isn't quite the same as what he was singing about as a young man. 

There is still fire and beauty, and powerful rock & roll in the grooves. 

The Boss always lays it all on the line. Every record. No doubt. And no other band quite sounds like the E Street Band. Interlocking guitars (Bruce, Nils Lofgren, Steve Van Zandt), Gary Talent on bass, Roy Bittan Piano, Max Weinberg on drums, Clarence Clemons' son Jake on Sax, Patti Scialfa on background vocals, Charile Giordano organ. A layered, complex, undeniable, indelible sound. And there is a joy in the listening. It's not breaking any new ground. Well-constructed rock & roll played with heart and soul. Bruce is singing about death, loss, time passing. Songs that reflect the years. You know, he is writing about a time when people still wrote and read letters. Lots of ghosts across these tracks. Ghosts hang over everything. It's a joy, a pleasure, a conjuring, it's all a bit reassuring.  

Rock & Roll. It saved Bruce, changed his life. R&R changed my life too.

America We Have A Problem...

America we have a people problem. A gun problem. A people with guns problem. A racism problem. A cop problem. A mass shooting problem. 

Our culture of guns and death is a plague and epidemic. The "othering" of human beings is a blight and a scourge. Hoarding guns is a mental health problem. It is total madness that we allow weapons of mass destruction to be sold, owned and used with impunity on the streets and by-ways of our beloved country. It is madness that the GOP wants to make it harder for folks to vote, than it is to purchase weapons of mass murder. What a disgusting abdication of responsibility to our country.

And how to reform our police forces around the country to prevent cops from shooting down "young folks and people of color?" Come on Humans we can, and we must, do better.

Liberation Day!

Liberation Day.

Eureka!

This morning I feel like I was just let out of jail. No. I mean, shite, that's overly dramatic. I was an extra  on a movie shoot once, ("Natural Born Killers"),  I played a Prison Guard, a Prisoner and a Dead Guy with a massive shotgun wound in the chest, which made lunch quite messy and weird; movie blood? Kayro Syrup!  

I went to Joliet Prison for about 10 days,  and even though I could leave at the end of each day's shoot, I really soaked in the total degradation, hopelessness, and brutal, dehumanizing reality of Jail in America, and well, I don't recommend it to anyone, so when I say I "feel like I was just let out of jail,"  I am being overly dramatic and speaking "metaphorically," I am referring to a mental state, a prison of my own mind, not the same thing as that brutal degrading institution we have created for human beings to sit and rot.

There have been two major black clouds looming over me the last 6 months or so. Sorry, I can't get into details, but both involved $, disagreements, status, and my place in the world, and they really set me back, left me hanging by a thread, led to sleepless nights and uncounted worries. Yikes. I realized I was stressed and worried even when I didn't feel stressed and worried.

But, you know, I forged ahead. I made a few snap decisions, I took the initiative, made a move, tried to resolve things, I "made something," happen. Which is a tricky thing. Sometimes it's the worst thing you can do, making a bad situation worse. It's certainly not ZEN. Or maybe it is ZEN? Act when it feels right, take action, and see what happens. Don't just "watch the river flow," sometimes you have to get wet, jump in, see where the river goes. You know, Damn the Torpedos. 

Anyway, this morning I find that both situations have been resolved, both black clouds have lifted. I am FREE! Wow. I mean, I feel renewed, reborn, rejuvenated. Maybe sometimes something bad has to happen so that when something good happens you really, really, really appreciate it? I don't know...

But it's Liberation Friday around here.

Life. Bite-Sized.

Then you are left with the "tasks at hand."  It is a way of grounding yourself. You shrink the Universe into bite-size bits. You realize you can't solve all the problems in the world. You can't worry about everything. You have to trust that things will somehow work out. You have to give yourself space to live.

You take longs walks. One foot in front of the other. You have "cleanup time," at home; sweep, mop, dust, polish, put things back in their right place. You listen to the news on NPR a bit less, you play good, life-enriching music a bit more, including great records by : Richard Thompson, Stevie Wonder, The Trees, Fairport Convention. 

You meditate. You tell yourself to chill out! You eat a fabulous meal of spaghetti with zucchini and black olives. Yum. You watch Wes Anderson's "Isle of Dogs." So good. Healing. Funny. Sweet. Gorgeous. Canine! You crack a new book about the Talking Heads. You hit the pillow, happy, tired, and ready for a few sweet dreams. You think to yourself, "that was a good day." 

Life. Bite-sized.

Bromides...

Finally. You turn to "bromides" from other minds, great and small. What is a bromide? "A phrase, cliche, or platitude that is trite or unoriginal." You know, like a simple, undeniable truth. I remember reading David Foster Wallace, and he pointed out that those cliches bandied about in rehab & recovery, those insipid words that are often found on Hallmark cards, are actually useful tools in living our lives. For instance: "Fake it to make it." Or "One day at a time." And "This too shall pass." Words that can save a life, no doubt.

"I have always relied on the kindness of strangers." Blanche Dubois, Streetcar Named Desire.

Yes, Blanche, haven't we all. I mean, isn't that what civil society is? What civilization means?

"Don't worry, be happy." Bobby McFerrin

Right. Sounds sappy. Too easy. But WTF, isn't that what it's all about? I mean we have a shit-ton to worry about every day, but why worry ourselves sick? We are here to live. Live and be happy. It's worth giving it a try.

"Run to daylight." Vince Lombardi 

He was talking about football, what's a running back with a football in his hands supposed to do? But you know, I find that one useful from that great Coach. Daylight. Run to the light. Yes, of course. Never forget the light.

"I never promised you a Rose Garden." - Hannah Green

Right. We are here to make it. Plant your own roses. Cultivate them. Feed and water them. Tend to your own garden my friend. Make that promise to yourself.

"When the going gets tough, the tough get going." - Vince Lombardi

Back to the Coach. This one used to drive me mad. But it's true. There will be tough-going ahead. No doubt. It's just nature of our existence. You don't want to be too tough, but tough enough. You don't want to grow rigid, fixed in your ways, too hard, or callous to the beauty of the world. But you do want to be disciplined, mentally tough enough to keep going. To always be moving, morphing, growing. That's a life worth living.

Sometimes You Just Have to Dig...

No way around the mountain. The mountain of pain, the mountain of doubt, the mountain of bad blood. So you dig. You grab your shovel and you start digging. You may dig for a long, long time. You don't know. No one knows. There is no formula, no guidebook, no expert advice. You are on your own. You could give up, give in, throw in the towel. But hell, you only get one chance, unless you believe in reincarnation, so you dig. Maybe you hit gold, maybe you strike oil, maybe you just end up with a pile of dirt and blisters on your hands.  Damn the torpedos. You will get through the mountain, you will get to the other side. At least that's what you tell yourself. Do you still listen to yourself? Dig.

Weird Dichotomy...

I guess one of the things we are here to do, is to be ourselves, to discover who we are, and to be that as fully as we can possibly be, as honestly and soulfully as we can. It seems like it shouldn't be that hard, but it is; we are a moving target, our bodies are changing, we grow, we fade, we dance, we shimmer, & the world is a roiling mess, everything is always moving, morphing, cycling.

So, yes, we are on a journey of self-discovery, but at the same time, we must realize, if we don't want to spend our time on Earth being an egotistic asshole, that we are not the center of the Universe. You know, even though we are important to ourselves, unique beings here for a brief time, we are not that important in the grand scheme of things. We are a teeny, tiny energy in a Universe of energy.

We live in the midst of a weird dichotomy: Everything is Holy, Life is Cheap...

Live with that, Baby. So yes, we are here to be, to be the best we can be, without getting all uppity about it. You know be like a stone, a leaf, a wave, a ripple, a cloud, a spoke, a glimmer of light in the eyes of a child. Know it. Be it.

Intuition & Gut Instinct...

Ha, ha, ha...

Oh man. I can't even listen to, or take, my own advice (see previous post). Facing a difficult situation, I was wrestling with myself yesterday morning. The previous post was basically me, giving myself a pep talk to just shut up. To wait and see what was to transpire. To let a situation somehow resolve itself. 

Nope. Funny. I just could not do it. True to form, I had to jump directly into harm's way, head straight into danger, damn the torpedos, wade in with both feet, blood flying.

I wanted to be ZEN. My head was telling me I should chill out. Let it flow. Be silent. But I just could not do it. My intuition, my gut instinct demanded that I do something, that I "make something happen."

I wonder what's next? 

I either made a major blunder, or who knows, maybe I moved the football up a few yards? Sorry for the vagueness, the lack of specifics, but basically this is about a situation that has loomed over me the last few months. A problem that just seems to resist any kind of sensible solution or resolution.

I went in mental guns blazing. I'm either a hero or a fool. 

I guess we shall see.

The Hard Stuff...

This is hard for me...

To not speak my mind

To hold my tongue

To be silent

To not jump to conclusions

To still my raging, warring mind

To not immediately react

To let it go

To let it ride

To go with the flow

To admit I'm not in control

To not try to fix things

To not try to make things right

To not impose myself into the situation

To remind myself that sometimes patience is required

To not listen to the clock's tick, tick, tick

To figure things will work out, one way or another

To accept that what happens is what happens

To not just know ZEN, but to be ZEN

Witnesses...

Clarity. Clear-seeing. A worthy goal. We live in the middle of the maelstrom. There is the murk, the muck, the always morphing, hurly-burly of existence. The human realm is such a muddy puddle.

If we are anything, we are witnesses to the unfolding of the Universe. We are bound and bookended by the immensities of time & space.

It is all a bit daunting. There are no certainties in this realm. Sometimes you can't even trust your eyes, or your senses five. We are at sea, floating in a boiling, roiling vastness without anything to hold onto.

Humbling. No doubt. Looking for clarity. It's a bit like hunting for a needle in a haystack. I mean, even that may be an easier lift.

Music in Our Kit-Bag of Tricks...

There is a character in Roberto Bolano's great, epic novel "2666" who talks about how music is the "fourth dimension." That totally resonates with me. All musical expression, from the most insipid to the most beautiful & gorgeous is a vehicle of transformation. Whether just listening*, or composing/creating, or playing, music is one of my go-to sources of transcendence. 

It is funny. Much of my life has been trying my best to "be here now." But at the same time, I have always been on the hunt for transcendence. I have had a few life-defining instances where I have glimpsed another realm, a realm where everything is connected, everything is holy, everything is everything. It's hard to write or talk about. The experience can't really be contained or explained.

But I have been there. And I know there are paths to get there. I believe this is just another human thing. Something that I am working thru, like a blindman in the dark. Music; another tool in our kit-bag of tricks that we employ to make it thru this life without going mad, or giving up, or turning into a cold, life-less lump of coal.

*For instance, while I am writing this post, I am listening to "Buena Vista Social Club," (1997) and I am instantly transported to Havana, Cuba with Ry Cooder and an incredible group of Cuban musicians. Vivid. Gorgeous. Beautifully performed and recorded. Another time and place. Humans creating fabulous music together, so rich, and life-affirming. The fourth dimension of transcendence...

My Body is a Battlefield...

So, yeah, I was injected (twice) with the Moderna Vaccine over the last four weeks. My 2nd shot was on Good Friday 2021 (see last 5 posts). I had a bit of a reaction, but, then, I bounced, and now feel pretty much better than ever. You know, a new man!

What's going on in my body? The CDC explains:

A Closer Look at How COVID-19 mRNA Vaccines Work

COVID-19 mRNA vaccines give instructions for our cells to make a harmless piece of what is called the “spike protein.” The spike protein is found on the surface of the virus that causes COVID-19.

COVID-19 mRNA vaccines are given in the upper arm muscle. Once the instructions (mRNA) are inside the immune cells, the cells use them to make the protein piece. After the protein piece is made, the cell breaks down the instructions and gets rid of them.

Next, the cell displays the protein piece on its surface. Our immune systems recognize that the protein doesn’t belong there and begin building an immune response and making antibodies, like what happens in natural infection against COVID-19.

At the end of the process, our bodies have learned how to protect against future infection. The benefit of mRNA vaccines, like all vaccines, is those vaccinated gain this protection without ever having to risk the serious consequences of getting sick with COVID-19.

So, you know, my body is ready to defend against Covid-19. That's exciting. What a wild world. Isn't Science amazing?

This morning I feel super-sensitive to the hurly-burly, the roiling chaos of being human. Kind of emotional, expectant, hoping for the best. The human story is quite the convoluted saga. Ups and Downs. Joys and Horrors. We bump along into the Future. Glad to still be around. I am hoping my fellow humans will join the ranks of the VAXXED. What if we could put Covid-19 behind us? There is a Universe of "problems" we need to tackle, maybe we could cross that virus off the list of concerns? Here's hoping.

Community of Immunity...

Yes. There is life after your 2nd Moderna vaccine shot. I am here to testify, to tell the tale (see previous 4 posts). Feeling alive, lively, renewed, & refreshed this a.m. A new man. I am one of many who now have been fully vaccinated* (*actually, that's incorrect and a bit optimistic, I am on the road to fully-vaccinated, the CDC says two weeks after the 2nd shot you are full metal jacket!), against the Covid-19 virus. It seems significant, and in a small way, sort of momentous. A bit strange too. 

The last year has been a long, hunkered-down waiting game, we were doing our best to avoid infection, hoping to get to the vaccine before we got sick. We are not geniuses, we didn't do anything super-human, we just listened to the experts, we trusted the science, and the medical community. We were lucky too. Lucky to be able to hunker down and somehow defy gravity. We made it financially (all just smoke & mirrors, luck & pluck).We trusted the concept of vaccinations, we tuned out the naysayers, the disinformation, the noise and all the idiocy.

We are no longer part of the problem of the pandemic, we are in the ranks of the solution. The new community of immunity.  

We are god-smacked that anyone is resisting, or in denial, or actively spreading lies about vaccines & science.  It seems incredible folks can ignore so much death and sickness. Folks who lack imagination, who refuse to face the reality staring them dead in the eyes.

What is it that is blinding folks? Religion. Politics. Idiocy. Madness. I mean, how stupid can stupid be? Pretty damn stupid. 

So this is all a double-lesson. 

On the one hand: Human beings are incredibly resourceful, resilient, intelligent, caring, hopeful, willing to roll their sleeves up to join together, to face a crisis, to work for a common goal, to meet the challenge of a world-wide threat from a deadly, contagious, virus.

On the other hand: Human Beings can be so willfully blind, selfish, ignorant, uncaring, cynical, unwilling to lift a finger to protect others, lazy, unwilling to see the truth threatening their own life and their own pursuit of happiness.

What is it to be a Human Being? Such a strange, contradictory, tricky, unreliable and unpredictable creature. 

Reclaiming Your Mojo...

Mojo  (a quality that atracts people to you and makes you successful and full of energy), is a funny thing. Just like all the important things in life, it's invisible; you can't put your finger on it, you don't know how it works, or really, whether it even exists. Muddy Waters sang about it: "I got my mojo working, but it just don't work on you."

You know, it's a magical power, animating, essential. You can live without it, but your life will be much more drab, one-dimensional, and less fulfilling. 

So how to rebuild your mojo? Not exactly sure. It's possible it just evaporates from you, or descends upon you based on its own internal logic. Sort of like a rainstorm or a sunny day.

I think these may be things that helped me regain a bit of my mojo yesterday in the wake of my 2nd Moderna dose journey (see last 2 previous posts)...

Blue sky

Sunshine

Long, rambling walk on the lakefront

Good meal

Lazy afternoon on the couch

Fabulous music washing over me (Dylan's 2 stone-cold masterpiece recordings: "Highway 61 Revisited" (1965), "Blonde on Blonde" (1966) & Sigur Ros' "Kveikur" (2013)... the sound of a metallic glacier slowly melting...)

Hot tea (garlic, honey, ginger)

Early to bed

And this a.m. the coffee brew is "Mind, Body, Soul." The soundtrack is Miles Davis A Tribute to Jack Johnson (1971). My guess, these are major mojo-rebuilders. The coffee bean has major energizing abilities. And, of course, you want to expose yourself to human beings who definitely have major mojo, and you hope that some of it rubs off on you. Can't do worse than Dylan, Sigur Ros, Miles Davis, Jack Johnson. Really. I mean it.

Moderna Journey...

My Moderna Dose 2 Journey...

Friday (see previous post) I got my second dose, and I was feeling fine. No, I was feeling more than fine, euphoric. I was like a multi-colored box-kite flying high in a blue sky. The black cloud of Covid had lifted and all was right with the world. Amazing. Thrilling

Yesterday it was crash and burn. My immune system kicked in, reacted to the dose, and I was laid out on the couch with a full-blown, one-day flu: fever, chills, achy-ness, mojo-deficit. Seems immunity comes with a price tag. Totally worth it. No doubt.

This a.m. I am back with the living. Fever, chills, achy-ness gone. Working on recharging my mojo. I do feel renewed. Flying high, hitting bottom, emerging to face a new day, a new reality. Funny, it's Easter Sunday... roll away the stone, he is risen...

Turns Out It Was a Good Friday...

Turns out my "Good Friday, " really was good. It was touch and go, for awhile, I wasn't sure if my vaccine appointment was set or not, but found out that my 2nd Dose Shot for the Moderna vaccine was waiting for me at Walgreens yesterday afternoon. Somehow I slipped around the system, and Pharmacist Joe fixed me up.

I was the only one in the store waiting for a VAXX. I was accompanied by my longtime love and companion, who had gotten her first Pfizer shot the day before. Seems more momentous & wonderful and life-affirming than I realized. Didn't feel the needle, it took a minute, and I was back on the road fortified with the Moderna. Hat-Tip to my younger sister for setting it all up, and to Dolly Parton for contributing to the development of the vaccine, and to the Biden administration for taking the virus, and vaccine distribution, seriously.

Amazing. I did feel microscopic waves of euphoria. 

So, so happy. It's been a long year of lock-down. My companion and I have done everything the experts have told us to do: physical/social distancing, frequent hand-washing, staying home, masking (never went out once in the last year without wearing a mask), avoiding bars & restaurants, avoiding crowds of people, eating well, sleeping well, hoping to avoid getting sick with covid. I think we were amazingly lucky too.  It's such a contagious, deadly virus, some folks were just "in the wrong place, at the wrong time." Somehow, we avoided that fate.

We just tried to be smart. Listened to the science, listened to the medical community, listened to other intelligent beings who shared their knowledge. We studied the charts, we read up on the virus, and the vaccines and other treatments. We pretty much became self-taught, amateur virologists. 

So anyway. Everything changed yesterday. The Covid Cloud of Doom & Death sort of lifted a bit. On the other hand, nothing changes. We will stay vigilant: wear masks, keep our exposure to other folks limited. For this to work, most of us will need to get vaccinated. It seems like the smart way forward.

Unfortunately, there are the toxic knuckleheads amongst us. Those folks who pretend that the virus is a hoax, some grand plot, and those folks shooting bleach into their lungs, and living in deep, ignorant denial. Not sure what happens if 30% of the USA refuses to get vaccinated. This story has legs. Surges and spikes could be coming. Stay tuned.

But, still, we have joined the ranks of the VAXXED. Hoping for better days. There are glimmers of light all around us!

Good Friday 2021...

Ha. Another "significant day." When I hear "Good Friday," in the year 2021, I am immediately transported to Catholic grade school. There was always an elaborate ritual enacted on that Friday. A special service taking us thru the stations of the cross. Very weird. Pretty vivid. I now think back to my young, impressionable state, and wonder, WTF?

Never understood why they called it "Good" Friday. Seemed all pretty much a bad scene, especially for Jesus. It wasn't great for us either. Sitting, kneeling, standing, watching the Priest waving the canister of incense, and stopping under pictures of the mayhem. Checking off the stations. We were told we were  responsible for these horrors. Yikes.

Images seared into my consciousness. Poor Jesus. He was treated so badly. We were told it was "good news," but it was hard to believe. I do remember wondering: if humans would treat a guy like Jesus so cruelly, what's in store for the rest of us?

This morning, spinning madly, spiraling away from those grade school days. The day doesn't mean what it used to mean. I rarely enter a church. I let all that shit go. All that remains is the theater of it all, the pomp and circumstance. And this pesky residue in my head. Can't erase that, and of course, it's all part of me, of who I am. Building blocks of a personality.

Now, I know, whatever was in store for Jesus, is pretty much in store for all of us. The luck of the draw: happy & relatively unscathed, or unhappy & totally destroyed. We kind of hang between the two fates, we get to experience both, a little more of one or the other determines the balance of a life. We are always left wondering, what's next?

Universal Joker...

Ha! April 1st, 2021.  April Fools Day.

Yes, and well, folks, the joke is on us. Let us, for a minute, just for "shits and giggles," propose that there is a Creator, a Higher Power that conjured up this whole shebang.  Let us posit that SHE decided to name it "Universe."  And what are the main animating ingredients that she hot-wired into her little creation?

Ever-changing. Always morphing. Always moving. Ever-spinning. Always confounding. Befuddling. Wondrous. Life popping up in unlikely places. Death comes to all. Energy. Everything is Energy. Transformation. Everything transforms. Everything is Everything. 

Ok. It's sort of a joke. We have pulled the Joker's card. It's a joke on us. On all that lives. Our "Creator," well, it's safe to say, SHE is a "joker, a smoker, a midnight-toker." She must have been high, and then well, she set this kooky thing up and let it fly.

You know, it's bit overwhelming, and sometimes super-sad and tragic, but then again, life, who wouldn't want to give it a whirl? 

And then, just because we can, we choose  Hope, Hilarity & Good Cheer. I mean, hell, why not?!