Eureka!
This morning I feel like I was just let out of jail. No. I mean, shite, that's overly dramatic. I was an extra on a movie shoot once, ("Natural Born Killers"), I played a Prison Guard, a Prisoner and a Dead Guy with a massive shotgun wound in the chest, which made lunch quite messy and weird; movie blood? Kayro Syrup!
I went to Joliet Prison for about 10 days, and even though I could leave at the end of each day's shoot, I really soaked in the total degradation, hopelessness, and brutal, dehumanizing reality of Jail in America, and well, I don't recommend it to anyone, so when I say I "feel like I was just let out of jail," I am being overly dramatic and speaking "metaphorically," I am referring to a mental state, a prison of my own mind, not the same thing as that brutal degrading institution we have created for human beings to sit and rot.
There have been two major black clouds looming over me the last 6 months or so. Sorry, I can't get into details, but both involved $, disagreements, status, and my place in the world, and they really set me back, left me hanging by a thread, led to sleepless nights and uncounted worries. Yikes. I realized I was stressed and worried even when I didn't feel stressed and worried.
But, you know, I forged ahead. I made a few snap decisions, I took the initiative, made a move, tried to resolve things, I "made something," happen. Which is a tricky thing. Sometimes it's the worst thing you can do, making a bad situation worse. It's certainly not ZEN. Or maybe it is ZEN? Act when it feels right, take action, and see what happens. Don't just "watch the river flow," sometimes you have to get wet, jump in, see where the river goes. You know, Damn the Torpedos.
Anyway, this morning I find that both situations have been resolved, both black clouds have lifted. I am FREE! Wow. I mean, I feel renewed, reborn, rejuvenated. Maybe sometimes something bad has to happen so that when something good happens you really, really, really appreciate it? I don't know...
But it's Liberation Friday around here.