Life-Altering Work...

It feels like a major accomplishment...

Last night I finished reading Roberto Bolano's great, epic novel "2666" - 893 pages (2004). A major work, no doubt. So yeah, it's safe to say, one of the greatest novels I've ever read. I don't really want to "review" it. I mean, it would be like reviewing a mountain range, or a waterfall, or a volcano, or a rainforest, or a lightning storm.

I do think just the reading altered my consciousness. It is a total experience; engaging my imagination, influencing my dreams, forcing me to rethink my life, and to reexamine my beliefs on what life is all about. It's dazzling, horrifying, thrilling, funny, weird, amazing. What's in it? Everything. Really. There were a few times I wanted to put it down; too real, too consuming, too much, but I never seriously thought of abandoning ship.

Renews my faith in Art. And in the power of the novel. It is an art-form unlike any other. Expands your consciousness, expands your human-ness. You can't ask for anything more than that. Bolano etched his heart, his soul, his blood, his prodigious imagination into every page. Life-altering work.

Stupid People/Stupid Ideas...

- Kim Stanley Robinson (sci-fi writer)

A reminder that stupid people and their stupid ideas can be quite toxic and toxically influential. In the 80's we all made a dramatic turn, led by the stupidity and the brutal, pin-headed, small-mindedness, and bad faith of leaders like Thatcher and Reagan. Two figures lauded by the right-wingers to this day. Hailed as heroes. They were selling a toxic snake-oil. The damage to our consciousness, to government, to society, to "the West," has been incalculable. I wonder, and I hope, that someone like Joe Biden and his New Green Deal, and his Build Back Better movement, could return us to a smarter, more forward-looking perspective. Think FDR. Government is us. Yes, of course we live in a society of individuals. Not in an all against all battle to the death, no, instead a community of like-minded souls working together for a better world for all.  Let's not believe the bullshit. Let's leave the stupidity behind. 

A Free Mind in a Wild World...

Yes. It was an off-hand comment from a poet, "think for yourself," (see previous post), that set me off. It pretty much sums up my madness and my method this time around on the planet. I am a product, no doubt, of my times. Just like everyone else. I am the sum of all my experiences & influences. Being born in the USA in the 20th Century comes with lots of baggage and assumptions.

And there is the accumulated wisdom of the ages. I've dipped into that pool often. As the Grateful Dead once sang: "take what you need and you leave the rest." You have all the holy books and mumbo-jumbo. You have late stage Capitalism and Secularism. You have the Scientific Age. You have Pop Culture. 

You have the towering influences & touchstones: Beatles, Stones, Dylan, Hendrix,  Zeppelin, Sigur Ros,  U2, Dali Lama, MLK, Buddha, Mandela, ZEN, Jesus, Miles Davis, Wm Blake, John Coltrane, Vonnegut, Philip K. Dick, Melville, Wm. Shakespeare, Joseph Heller's "Catch-22," Bukowski (the road of excess), Kerouac, Ginsberg, Patti Smith, Sam Shepard, Henry Miller, Arthur Miller's "Death of a Salesman," Francis Ford Coppola, Martin Scorcese, Stanley Kubrick, Robert Bresson, Vince Lombardi, FDR, RFK, Michael Jordan, r&r, drugs, meditation, sobriety, discipline, goofing off.

Everything counts. Everything is important. Holy.

The events: JFK/RFK/MLK assassinations, Vietnam, Watergate, Fall of the Berlin Wall, 9/11, Iraq & Afghanistan Wars, Torture Regime, the 24/7, - the always on, never fails to horrify, can you believe this shit, Terror-Dome.

A Revolution in the Head...

Yes, indeed. "You are the authority." - Philip K. Dick

It's a bit intimidating. You decide. Think for Yourself. It's all up to you. You come on the scene in the middle of the film. You don't know how it all started, you don't have a clue how it will all end. You have to make instant decisions every day. You have no idea if you are doing the right thing. You are just living. Day to day. You may be the authority, but you don't know what you don't know, and you don't know if what you do know is worth knowing. All your knowledge is partial, arbitrary, contradictory. Hey what's going on in your head?!

It's not easy being Green. An incredible opportunity, a bone-crushing responsibility. A free mind in a wild world. Wow.

Think for Yourself - Scary!

Think for yourself. I know, it's a super-dangerous thing. 

Right: A mind is a terrible thing to waste. 

We all have brains of various capabilities. We are using them all the time. Best to use them wisely. Of course, we need to cultivate them, help them grow, fill them with knowledge, experience, music, poetry, art, politics, day to day events.

We should read the great authors and playwrights. Listen to all the great, and not so great, music. Classical, Pop, Rock, Jazz, Country, World. I mean. Whatever. Listen to the opinions and arguments of the day. Read Philosophy. Study all the major religions. Pick and choose the things that resonate with you. Make up your mind.

Do not submit your mind to any State or a Religion. Your mind is bigger than any form of government, and any organized Religion. Don't let people tell you who or what God is. Or even if there really is a God. That's up to you.

You can believe in things. But best to keep those things lofty and abstract: Goodness, Love, Democracy, Hope, Vegetarianism. Or super-mundane and practical: One step, one breath, one thought, at a time.

I know. This could all be quite confusing, contradictory, basically leaving you out to sea. That's part of it. No easy answers, lots of questions, always seeking and questing. Grabbing onto life-rafts. That's life.

Feeding your brain, cultivating your mind, is the task at hand. Its like tending a garden. You must feed it and care for it with intelligence and determination. Yes, it's an incredible responsibility. I mean, thinking for yourself, yikes.  It's kind of scary. No one can help you. You are pretty much on your own, with only an enormously grand Universe stuffed with amazing, incomprehensible and splendiferous phenomena to astonish, influence and guide you.  Have at it people!

I think I know a Few Things...

I think...

Everything counts

Everything is connected

No one is alone

We swim in meanings

Everything is Holy

Life is Good

Things are complicated

There are more questions than answers

Need an answer? One good answer: Love

Humility & Grace are important tools for your kit-bag

Humor too

Best to not take the Universe Personally

Wonder, always start the day with Wonder

No Justice, No Peace

Meditate on it

Humans are the Solution to Human Problems

Humans are the main source of Human Problems too

Birthed by Chaos...

"Only in chaos are we conceivable." 

- Roberto Bolano, page 736, "2666" (2004).

Persistence, etc.

Persistence.

Perseverance.

Stick-to-it-tive-ness.

Hanging in there.

Keeping at it.

Doing it.

Feeling it.

Seeing it.

No trying,

doing...

But if you must try

be the blue sky...

Of Course You Should VAX!

"To vax, or not to vax."

Come on, really? Of course you should VAX!

I am surprised this is even a thing. How has vaccinating, or not vaccinating become a political/cultural hot button topic?

Over here we believe in the scientific method. Vaccinating is a proven technique for avoiding sickness and death. As a little child I remember being vaccinated at school, and taking a sugar cube too.  That is how we avoided Mumps, Chicken Pox, Measles and Polio.

Is this another Blue Bubble thing? I don't know. Seems like common sense. Over here we believe in Vaccination, we believe in Democracy, we believe in common sense, we believe in good cheer, health and happiness.

Yesterday I found myself in a room with a small group of people. Two of us were masked. Everyone was socially/physically distant. And every one of us were in various stages of the vaccination protocol for Covid-19. 

Welcome to the Brave New World.

One of us had one dose of the 2 dose-Moderna vaccine (that would be me), so my immune system is primed and ready for dose # 2 in a couple weeks. One of us had the one dose-Johnson & Johnson vaxx. One of us had 2 of the 2 dose Moderna vax, and one of us had 2 doses of the 2 dose Pfizer vaxx.

There was a bit of a sense that we were stepping into a new reality. A reality where Covid was no longer this cloud of doom and death that it has been looming over us this last year. We could see a glimmer of a post-covid reality. We all are still very careful. We wear masks to protect ourselves, and others too. We keep distant to protect ourselves, and others too.

That just seems like the sensible, responsible, serious and healthy-making way forward...

Modern Gothic Fiction...

I read about the 2021 "Spring Breakers" debauching in Florida and immediately flashed on Edgar Allan Poe's gothic fiction "The Masque of the Red Death" (1842).

Spring break in the shadow of Covid-19.

What is driving those hordes of young people? Raging hormones in the midst of a raging global pandemic. A potent combination, leading to sickness and death.

I marvel at the folly of my fellow human beings. What are they thinking? Maybe there really isn't a lot of thinking going on up in the cranial cavity? There is the need to party. The need to drink, and to drug to excess. The need to dance, to flirt, to engage in promiscuous sexual activity.

The body leads and the mind follows.  I can remember those early years where my body was a raging, throbbing thing. Yikes. Youth, it's a gift and a curse.

So in the modern telling of the tale: No masks. No social/physical distancing. Lots of close contact and touching. And the virus, yes, the virus outside,  in the air, passed from one breath to another. It circulates willy-nilly. Multiplying. Infecting. Inhabiting. Growing. It's alive on the beach, in the hotels, on the dance floor, in a crowd. Spring Breakers, the young and the beautiful, the latest zombie horde, spreading the virus, bringing it to their friends, their parents, their grandparents, yes, indeed, bringing it to a town and a cinema, near you.

Beautiful Reality...

"Energy is Eternal Delight." - Wm Blake

Animated.

Enthusiastic.

Energized.

Bubbly.

Over-joyed.

Sometimes the a.m. coffee surprises, and really does its thing.

It is a beautiful reality.

Hat Tip: Metropolis' Red Line Expresso.

PTSD...

I think it's true, and I don't mean to minimize the syndrome, but, I believe, in a way, all of us, collectively are experiencing various levels of PTSD.  This has been a working theory of mine for a long time.  

I mean, at least, if you are paying attention, you plug into the media-scape, you have, on a daily basis:  "experienced or witnessed a traumatic event such as a natural disaster, a serious accident, a terrorist act, war/combat, or rape or who have been threatened with death, sexual violence or serious injury."

Yes. Every day. That's just the daily news. Life in our 24/7 always raging media-scape is traumatic. No doubt.

Add to that 4 years of the Toxic Gaseous Dirigible's "daily hate & outrage," AND a raging global pandemic where a little virus threatens us all, and well, we swim in a toxic, combustible stew of events, worries and fears. 

A virus has made us aware that every breath we take holds danger. Disease and Death are in the air, alive in our fellow humans. Every encounter is a potential life-changer. Yikes.

Amazing we can hold it together. Are we holding it together? Yes, I think so. Some of us, barely, one step and one breath (masked of course), at a time.

Spring 2021...

Spring. They say: "First day of Spring."

It's encouraging. Comes around once a year. Another example of our "circular" existence. Everything is a cycle. Everything is always moving, turning, changing. 

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."  - Charles Dickens great opener. 

Spring seems like an optimistic season. Sprouting. Greening. Growing. Days getting longer. More sunshine. Warmth beckoning. 

We hear rumblings that the covid-19 vaccine is coming for all. Can't wait to get "VAXXED!" Another sign of movement, and "progress." A step forward. No doubt.

Questions, A Cloud of Questions...

There is a trend going on over here. It's all the latest rage. Questions. I have questions. Many, many questions. And I have no answers. None. Nada. Not one answer. Just a cloud of questions hanging over my head. Seems this last year has been a grand series of tests. What is the #1 Test of the Year: Testing my patience. I don't like it one bit. As a general rule, I am not a patient Human Being. Getting a bit testy...

Frazzled/Un-frazzled

Worries. Doubts. Concerns. Fears. Regrets.

Yes. Like the famous Sinatra song says: "I've had a few."

If you are paying attention, alive, aware, awake, it's hard to see how you could NOT be a frazzled mess filled with all the detritus of a well-lived life, once in awhile. Yes. It happens to me. I think I'm managing my life, my day to day existence, and then the slow train of doom & gloom comes hurtling down the track. WHAM! Electrified with extraneous shit. 

That's life, Baby. You clear your head, you clear the deck, and the Universe comes crashing in like an unwelcome guest. You just have to deal.

How to un-frazzle? 

Best I can figure: live in the moment. Simplify. Take stock in what you have right now. Two eyes, two ears, the requisite number of fingers & toes. Don't think too far ahead, or too far behind. I look to the basic things: good coffee brew, good music, a good book, good conversation, good meditation. A few people you can call a "friend."

Don't expect too much. It's fine to dream, to wonder, to explore, to imagine. But take it all as it comes. "What will happen, will happen, when it happens." Or not. No sense in worrying about the things you have no control over.  And you know, seems most things you have no control over.

Good News/Bad News

"Good News for People Who Love Bad News."  (2004)

Great title for a record. A great record from Modest Mouse. I am listening to it now, on this gloomy St. Patrick's Day morning in the heartland. 

Modest Mouse - what a weird band. I think of them as an oddball outlier. They are led by the very verbose and over-caffeinated Issac Brock. He is a musical dynamo. He frequently gets a bit over-excited in song. Still even his "shouty-ness" is quite musical. He is not an angry dude. Just super-enthusiastic, always bursting with fascinating things to say. Take a journey with Modest Mouse and you will find surprises all along the way.

Funny too. I find myself often laughing, enjoying Brock's twisted sense of humor.

Lately, I have been doing a lot of listening to the three or four other Modest Mouse records I own. They are all quite good. This is one ranks as one of the best. No doubt.

I am not one of those people who love bad news. Bad news is part of the deal of being human, but I don't look forward to it. I do know some people who do. They love bad news, they love to share bad news, their lives are just chock-full of bad news.

Best to give those folks a wide berth. Put me in the camp of those folks who try to find to good in the middle of the bad. Always looking for a silver lining. It's doesn't always work. Often the bad news comes streaming in like a tsunami, and there's no denying, just an accounting.

Times like that, we hunker in and pray for a better day.

Holy Music...

Listening to Junun (2015) this morning. A collaboration of three entities: She Ben Tzur, Johnny Greenwood (Radiohead), and the Rajasthan Express. It does transport you to another time and place. In fact, it sort of comes to your ears as timeless music, rich & alive, conjuring up ancient vibes and grooves. At the same time, you get electric guitars, and beats and the fabulous Radiohead engineer Nigil Goodrich. So it's an interesting mashup of things, old, new, traditional, modern.

The record is a true labor of love.

Energizing. Mysterious. All the lyrics are in a foreign tongue. I just checked out the the booklet, all the songs are about GOD. Heady stuff. Holy stuff. Transporting. Yes. Transporting this morning. A bit of time & head tripping. The lyrics point upward, but to my ears it's like talking in tongues. Holy babble. Strangely it, makes it all the more engaging, enchanting and powerful.

Talking to GOD. Holy gibberish. Probably the only way to be heard.

I look out the window. Snow on the ground, bare trees, a bit gloomy today, dark clouds looming. But the music of the morning fills my ears with another reality. Animating. Beautiful. That's what I love about music & art, and the human imagination. This is a soundtrack for the head & heart. And soul too!

Truth & Lies & Living in the Moment...

We had an intense talk about "truth and lies" last night. An existentially-probing discussion. How to live? What are the things we cling to that help us make it thru? You know, what are the life-rafts we hold on to, to survive?

We were skirting around the "black abyss," the dark thoughts and issues, the things you can't dismiss, or talk yourself out of, or deny.  The dark shadows we live with every day: murder, suicide, inevitable death & destruction. And what of the gaping maw of outrages, atrocities, the death-dealers, the assholes, and creeps, and cretins, amongst us who only seem to exist to cause pain and suffering to other beings? The trials & tribulations, horrible accidents, untimely death to the young & innocent. The unlucky, the unfairly maimed and destroyed.  If we are living in truth, we must acknowledge all of that. Take it in, let it simmer and resonate. There is no way around the the deep dark things.

Still, there is the ART OF LIVING. There is a necessary tool-kit, a survival-kit that we carry with us at all times.  The antidotes, the home remedies, the required distractions that let us thrive and live in the moment.

I am thinking of...

LOVE

BEAUTY

ART

MOTION

BREATH

CONTEMPLATION

SONG

LAUGHTER

COMMUNITY

KINDNESS

GRACE

HOPE

It is all we have.  It is enough.  

More and More Sensitive...

We jumped forward an hour here in the Heartland. Just a reminder that  time is always ticking away, also time is arbitrary, fungible, relative, and sort of illusory. The days lately have been ticking away slowly, but the weeks, months and years seem to fly by. Go figure.

Feeling pretty transparent, lately. 

Open. Wide open. 

Living lightly. Sensitive to everything. As I grow older, seems I am less "set in my ways," and instead, much more flexible, fungible, permeable, enthusiastic, moody, changeable, easily persuaded, easily moved, easily influenced, so open to new ways of seeing & thinking. So persuadable. So open to changing my mind. Less sure of myself, and more open to wondering.

Funny, that isn't the way I thought I would go, but it does seem to be the way I am going...

Sometimes the Simple Explanation is the Best

Sometimes a "cigar is a cigar." You know, the simple answer is not always simple-minded. My fellow Human Beings lately seem so damn conspiracy-minded. Maybe it's understandable. Complicated world, so many competing interests, lots of bad blood. And, you know, sometimes it's hard to discern motives, and mutual interests, and active acts of collusion, conspiracy and skullduggery. But, then again, sometimes there are simple, common-sense explanations. And maybe we should lean to the common sensical, the simple.

A Pitch-Perfect Speech...

President Joe speaks to the nation. 

We listened to the speech last night via the radio. There is something so immediate, less distracting, more honest, more compelling, about listening to the words transmitted across the airwaves directly into our ears. Better than the video-based, over-saturated, media-scape, chattering, Tower of Babel, we all live in 24/7. Highly recommended.

What of the speech? Perfect. Of the moment. President Joe meets his Destiny. He seizes his destiny. He is the right man for this moment. It is no accident that President Joe is President at this particular moment in the history of USA. What does President Joe offer? Empathy. Compassion. Truth. Responsibility. Competence.

It was bit of a pep talk. Dare I say, a bit Lombardi-esque?  He talked about doing the hard things, the serious things, the essential things. I think you have to reach all the way back to FDR to get where President Joe is coming from. Fatherly, Grandfatherly. The voice of reason. A voice telling us that if we all work together we can do great things. America is made for this moment. Our country can be a leader, a shining example in the battle against the Raging Global Pandemic. 

What of the cynics? The nay-sayers, the loud voices, the folks who want to cast stones, who don't want to play along? We decided to tune them out. We didn't listen to the play by play after. We don't care what the pundits have to say. We throw our lot in with the folks ready to roll up their sleeves and to work together to create a better union.

President Joe laid out the case. He spoke Truth to the moment. It was inspiring. Life-affirming. Just the right words, conveyed the right way. Exactly the medicine we need right now. Pitch-perfect.

One Year of the Pandemic!

The CDC tells us it's "One year of Raging Global Pandemic."

Strange times, indeed. We have learned so much about viruses, about masks, hand-washing, social & physical distancing. We have learned how to be alone. How to hang out at home, how to fend for ourselves. How to entertain ourselves.

We have also learned so much about our fellow Human Beings. We have learned that so many of us don't believe in Science, Masks, Vaccines, or Government, cooperation, or the "common good." So many refuse to face reality. So many of us have chosen an alternate reality.

We have discovered there are degrees of living in a bubble. We happen to live in a Progressive, Blue Bubble that believes in Science, Progress, Masks, Vaccines, the Common Good, Rock & Roll, Responsibility, Good Cheer, Dreaming, Imagination, a Positive Outlook, Safety, Courtesy, Democracy, Community.

It has been interesting to navigate this new world. So happy to have avoided the virus, avoided getting sick, avoiding dying. Wonder what happens next?!

Positivity...

My go-to mode is positive. You know, I often find myself conjuring my inner Vince Lombardi, which is hilarious (at least to me, because when I was young, I hated Lombardi. I hated all that rah-rah, power of positive thinking crap. Now, it's the obvious choice: positivity for all!).

Yesterday we had a break in the weather. Nearly 70 degrees here. Sunny. Blue skies. Late afternoon. We played music out-doors on a little patio. Three of us, masked, physically distant: guitar, violin, percussion, vocals. It was exhilarating, refreshing, life-affirming.

A little thing, everything. One of our fans stopped by. She listened, she danced.  She helped make it all the more validating, and real. Afterwards we all conversed. I gave the little group a bit of my standard Lombardi pep talk. Wind me up and I can Lombardi with the best of them. 

It went something like this: Yes, it's been a tough year. Raging Global Pandemic. Lockdown. No shows. Everyone hunkered in, hiding out at home. No hugs, no parties, no r&r shows. BUT, Spring is right around the corner, the vaccine is on it's way,  we are gonna beat this thing, change is in the air, not long from now, we will be breaking bread, sitting together, being sociable again, rocking out, partying. No doubt.

One of the group ventured the sentence: "I guess, we should be positive?"

My inner Lombardi leaped with joy: "Yes, of course, positive. We must be positive."  As I spoke the words, I was bathed in the late afternoon sunshine, the sun was setting in the west, breaking over the buildings, streaming thru the branches of the trees, it was lighting me up, blinding me, sparkling off my sunglasses, dazzling me, the sunshine totally engulfing me, I was swimming in the golden light.

"Yes. Positive. No doubt. I mean, what's the alternative?"

Don't Jump...

Don't jump to conclusions.

I don't remember where I got this advice. But it's good advice, Dear Pilgrim. You will notice some folks you hang with are always jumping to conclusions. It's a way of shutting down the conversation, a way of limiting the future, a way of closing doors, stopping the flow, killing the imagination. 

And guess what?!

The Universe is bigger, more complicated, more entertaining, more intelligent, and more mysterious than your paltry conclusions.

Better to keep your mind open, to cultivate your sense of wonder, to keep your eyes peeled, your ears attentive, your mind, nimble and willing to accept new information. Keep the game going. You may be surprised, you may be proven wrong, you may find out something you didn't know.

Don't jump. Stop. Smell the roses. See the day. Seize the day. Who knows what can happen? Every day is "anything can happen day."

Goofing...

Goofing off. 

I recommend it. Laugh. Love. Lounge around. Unplug. Chill-out. Stream comedies (for instance: "Schitt's Creek,"  on Netflix now, funny, not mean, not cynical, light & good-hearted comedy at it's finest). Eat well.  Sleep well. Turn the temperature down a bit. Turn away from sorrow, from pain, from worry. At least for a little while.

That's what we did this weekend. It was a healing and a clearing. Refreshing. Nourishing. Finding space in our heads for a bit of dreaming & imagining.  Feed your head, clear your head.

Goofing off. It can be the good work too.

Grace & Dignity...

As they say...

Bad things happen to Good people.

and

Good things happen to Bad people.

I mean, of course, and vice versa too. Vice versa x 2. You wonder if there is a formula or an equation. Measuring the amounts, the quantities, of bad and good, and good and bad. Our lives the measuring instrument.

You wish that wasn't the case. You wish for a more rational & just world. You wish that people really would "get what they deserve," but, it is hard to deny the reality. Injustice is built in to the human experience. Even as it almost seems like randomness.

On one hand, you accept it: Justice is a hope, a goal, an aspirational notion.

On the other hand, you wish and hope, fight and campaign, organize and demand  for more justice for all on a daily basis. That is the work of a civilized society. 

It isn't easy. And the battle is never-ending.  

And, yes, we all suffer the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune." Good, Bad, Indifferent. That is just the human reality.  Sometimes it's a Comedy, sometimes a Tragedy. We endure with as much grace and dignity we can muster, and try to make it as best we can. Like I always like to say: "Lean to the light."

A Lucky Universe...

It pays to be Lucky. I think that is clear. I wonder to myself, "Is Luck the animating principle of the Universe?"

Of course, I have no clue. Just wondering. 

But, just spit-balling here, if Luck is the animating principle of the Universe, isn't it up to us as sentient beings in the Universe to "take a chance?" To risk it? To play a hand? To put our toe in the water, and decide whether to stay put, or jump in, "damn the torpedos?"

Maybe so...

A Sentence...

A stray sentence that nails our day to day existence:

"It's an ecstatic sight, beautiful and somehow unsettling."

A Long Rambling Series of Existential Questioning...

Existential Crisis #... who knows?!

May as well try to count the number of grains of sand on the beach. Or the number of waves rolling into shore.  

My life is one long, rambling series of episodes of existential questioning...

The basics: Who am I? Where am I? What am I doing? What's it all about? Why a Duck? WTF?

I try to swim back to the origin story. You know, time-trip back to the misty shore of my first existential crisis.

I'm thinking it started in kindergarten.  The place I first discovered I actually wasn't the center of the universe. I was surprised to discover there were other little people who believed they were the center of the universe.

I remember building a little wall with cardboard bricks. A kid came up and knocked my wall down, and I hit him in the head with a cardboard brick. An act of cardboard violence. There were screams and tears, and after bit of a tussle, we were separated and it was determined by the teacher that I was the instigator/criminal.

I was banished to my rug to think about the bad thing I did. I considered myself, "falsely accused," although, really, I was guilty, I did hit that kid in the head with a cardboard brick. I remember laying on my rug, thinking: Who am I? Where am I? What am I doing? What's it all about?

Pretty sure that was Existential Crisis #1... a certain pattern was established...

Postures & Traits...

Astonishment. Wonder. Enthusiasm. Joy. Good cheer. Happiness.

Humility. Discipline. Sense of Humor.

Love. Hope. Curiosity.

Truth-telling

Open-mindedness.

Ability to Improvise.

Ability to Change.

Ability to Reflect.

Willingness to Admit Mistakes.

Willingness to Learn.

Private Eye...

I do think we like those Private Eyes and their adventures, because the figure of the Private Eye is a fruitful way of framing our own lives and experiences. There is a mystery unfolding before our eyes. It's a big, complicated world out there, hard to understand, how to swallow, and we are trying to figure out our place in it, to understand what's going on, and why. And, really, there's a mystery wrapped in a mystery, wrapped in an enigma.  Right?! 

And we are the kind of people who want to "figure things out," get to the heart of the matter, to know, "what's what." We don't want to play the sap, or the flunky, to anyone, or anything, any idea, ideology, political party, or whatever. We want to know. We want to be smart, in the know, with it, happening. We want to play the inside game.

We may suspect that the Universe is like one enormous, always expanding onion, and as we peel the layers away, there's just more onion, more layers and less substance. Less substance, more mystery. But who knows? We are the kind of folk who peel onions for a living. Often with tears in our eyes. A Private Eye. All-seeing. Alive. Aware. Awake. Wondering WTF?

Another Night, Another Message...

Getting a good night's sleep, restful and restorative, has become a bit of a crap-shoot, the luck of the draw. There's a good chance that when I awake, my bed will look like a war-zone.  Lately, my nights seem as eventful as my days. I chalk it up to the pandemic, we are rounding up to nearly one year of "home arrest," laying low, hanging out at home, trying our best to hide from our fellow humans and the deadly virus.

Days blend into days, nights blend into nights, days blend into nights. It's all one experience. My days and nights are an adventure, even though my day to day existence isn't all that adventurous. Just staying alive, not falling down, not coming down ill, not losing hope, not turning to despair, is an adventure.

So, anyway, Dylan came to me last night. His great song, "I and I" rolled around in my head. A voice in the dark, that grizzled, expressive, Old Testament voice reverberated in my head. A song from his great record, "Infidels" (1983). I haven't played it in a long time now. So this was a blast from the past. Alive in my warring mind in the middle of a deep sleep. 

"Infidels" is a strange record, a rare beast in Dylan's long, astonishing catalog. Post-Evangelical. Recorded after the Christian/Gospel trilogy of records. Back to a bit less preachy, more mysterious & enigmatic song-writing. Dylan in fine voice. A fabulous, and pretty weird band: Sly Dunbar on drums, Robbie Shakespeare on bass, Mick Taylor and Mark Knopfler on guitars. They rock hard. Two stone-cold classic songs: "Jokerman" and "I and I."

I'm spinning the record this a.m. It's like an old friend that I haven't heard from in awhile. Dylan's voice, his intelligence, his wit and insight nearly always takes my breath away. Such a brilliant mind and man. Anyway, another night, another song in my head, another cryptic message. What's it's all mean? Hmmm...

"Think I'll go out and go for a walk

Not much happenin' here, nothin' ever does

Besides, if she wakes up now, she'll just want me to talk

I got nothin' to say, 'specially about whatever was

I and I, in creation where one's nature neither honors nor forgives

I and I, one say to the other, no man sees my face and lives

Took an untrodden path once, where the swift don't win the race

It goes to the worthy, who can divide the word of truth

Took a stranger to teach me, to look into justice's beautiful face

And to see an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth

I and I, in creation where one's nature neither honors nor forgives

I and I, one say to the other, no man sees my face and lives"

- Bob Dylan