Being to Being...

Beings are Beings. 

I am of the Human variety. I spend lots of time with the Bird and Dog variety. I learn a lot by hanging with other types of Beings. Seems to me Birds and Dogs are pretty honest. I mean, hard to tell all that is going on in their worlds; Birds & Dogs have powerful means of perception, very different than I do. I don't know how they see, how they use their noses, what kind of calculations are swirling in their heads. Probably very different from my perceptions and noodle-ings. But of course, just as valid and powerful in navigating reality.

We have pretty clear, and straight-forward relationships. We all give each other lots of undivided attention. We tend to lock-in on the same wavelengths whether we are sitting in the sun room meditating, listening to music, having lunch (Birds), or out walking on the path (Dogs).

We meet Being to Being. We learn to respect each other, to trust each other. We are all seem very pleased to be together. There is a noticeable enthusiasm (giddy chirping, tail-wagging, jumping and playing),  when we meet and greet.

You know, attention, affirmation, food and treats are the currencies of our relationships. I primarily extend the hand, and they accept what I offer with what seems to be joy, pleasure, happiness, contentment, loyalty, dedication.

All this is in contrast with the Human to Human thing. In that realm? Lies, evasions, bad blood, false narratives, guilt, suffering, button-pushing. It is amazing how hypocritical Human Beings can be. And how cruel, how full of righteousness, anger and shit.

Seems counter to well-lived Life. Counter to Being Real. Human Beings will Lie themselves to the grave. Strange Beings, for sure. 

We Humans should take some lessons from all of the other Beings co-existing with us.  No doubt, we are a complicated, confused and contradictory species. Looks like we are really Fucked Up. And we are Fucking Up the Life-Supporting, Interconnected, Web-of-Life that exists on this spinning Blue Planet.

We can do better. The CLOCK IS TICKING!!!

Simplify!

Another thing...

Simplify! 

In all ways. So much dreck we can eliminate from our day to day. Living in the moment helps. Mindfulness is the watchword.

Know your history, but, remember you can't live in, or change, the past. Maybe you can change how you think about past events. Draw up new lessons. "Take what you need, you can leave the rest."

Expect a future, but don't put a lot of energy there. One step forward, one step at a time. Be kind to yourself and others. Be ready to improvise (see previous post),  and always be willing to recalculate your route in the face of the obstacles of reality. 

Fretting is no good. Fretting/Worrying is a Glitch in the wetware/software. Not worth the energy to fret about the past, or the future. Fretting in the moment is off-target too!

As the Dali Lama once said: "Kindness is my Religion." You can simplify all those holy texts down to adopting a simple code of kindness, with a dollop of a devil may care attitude: "damn the torpedos!"

That's good. Simple too. Simply, perfectly, good.

Yes, indeed. Simplify!

Yes... And...

Long-form improvisation. How long? A lifetime. You have to keep the game going. Morph. Evolve. Keep saying "Yes... and..."

Useful...

Ha! I think it is useful to have a Nemesis. 

Why? Helps you clarify who you are, who you aren't, what you are for, what you are against. It also illustrates that not everyone is on your side. There are people and forces that must contend with, people and forces to navigate around and thru. The world is an amazing place, but it's not all for you. So many competing interests and forces.  And enemies? There is that Biblical hard bit of advice: "But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you."

I don't know, that is a tough cookie to crumble. But maybe we can love what our enemies teach us? You know, lessons? They show us what not to do, what not to be. Maybe we can use them as mirrors, to see our own flaws, inconsistencies, dark moods, and bad acts? Point us the way to do and think better?

T&T

TRUTH AND TRANSPARENCY

TRANSPARENCY AND TRUTH

Not a bad code* to live by. It should be the goal of every conversation, every relationship. We should demand it from every institution, every company, every organization, every government. 

Clean. Simple.  Simple-minded? Maybe, but worth fighting for...

*It helps to live by a code of honor. Keep it open-ended. You know, like, be aware, alive, awake at all times. Lean to the light. Tell the truth. Be transparent. Be open-minded and open-hearted. And, for sure damn the torpedoes, the slings and arrows, the nay-sayers and soul-eaters.

Regulate and Criminalize...

Life. Right?!

Not to get too Icky, but what about all that sperm? Those little fancy-tailed sperm critters that all those young boys and men of all ages shoot off in unlikely places?   

Do we need to regulate and criminalize the random, unnecessary shooting off of sperm? 

Bad Faith Juju...

I am not a lawyer. But I am fascinated by the Law and how it is wielded to protect the powerful and subjugate the weak. I am also fascinated by language, and it's many uses for both good and evil.

The draft opinion by the White Christian Ayatollah Black-Robed Supreme Court Judge Samuel Alito, striking down Roe v Wade (see previous two posts),  is based on this slim reed: “the inescapable conclusion is that the right to abortion is not deeply rooted in the nation’s history and traditions”.

By the same logic you could take away reproductive rights from Women, Ban Gay Rights, Trans-Rights, Voting by Black Folks, Voting by Women, Marriage Between Races, you know, you could basically take down the Progressive Movement that has been unfolding over the last 100 years or so by the roots.

It is a dastardly bad-faith opinion. Seems Alito is saying that the only rights that are "real" are the rights of Privileged White Men. Everyone else is subject to their whims and dictates.

Gob-smacking. Bad Juju.  Bad Karma.  I do hope this will wake up the forces of progressivism. We can take nothing for granted. Vote. Organize. As Bob Marley once sang: "GET UP, STAND UP, STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS..."

Witch Trials Coming Next!

Okay. So maybe that black-robed White, Christian Ayatollah who decided that only white men have any rights at least rendered a legally sound opinion when striking down the rights of Women to have autonomy over their own bodies?

Hmmm.... well... er... not... so... much...

And you know, this is a wider attack on any sense of privacy, and personal rights...

1st from Adam Serwer:  "Alito’s Plan to Repeal the 20th Century"

"If you are an American with a young daughter, she will grow up in a world without the right to choose when and where she gives birth, and in which nothing restrains a state from declaring her womb its property, with all the invasive authorities that implies."

“This draft does the same thing: It envisions a notion of federalism so weak, so toothless, so bereft of substance that the federal government has no legitimate role in protecting women from states imposing forced births upon them.”

"Aside from rights specifically mentioned in the text of the Constitution, Alito argues, only those rights “deeply rooted in the nation’s history in tradition” deserve its protections. This is as arbitrary as it is lawless. Alito is saying there is no freedom from state coercion that conservatives cannot strip away if conservatives find that freedom personally distasteful. The rights of heterosexual married couples to obtain contraception, or of LGBTQ people to be free from discrimination, are obvious targets. But other rights that Americans now take for granted could easily be excluded by this capricious reasoning."

2nd from Laura Bassett:

"In Leaked Abortion Decision, Justice Alito Relies on Jurist Who Supported Marital Rape, Executed 'Witches'"

YIKES! Witch Trials!??!? 

"Also among Hale’s greatest hits: sentencing two women to death for witchcraft at a time when “the more enlightened” people of the 17th century had already begun to doubt the existence of witchcraft—an opinion the Salem, Massachusetts, judges relied on in their notoriously deadly witch trials. (According to The Boston Globe, 25 people were killed during those trials: “All 19 who were executed through a hanging died at Proctor’s Ledge. Five others died in jail, and one was crushed to death.”)

It’s quite fitting that Alito would cite this guy’s opinion on abortion in deciding to revoke the right from the American people, nearly a half century after Roe legalized the health procedure in 1973. The reason Roe was needed in the first place is that American women were dying from unsafe, so-called “back-alley” abortions.

As many have pointed out: The movement to ban abortion is not about and has never been about protecting fetuses. It started as a way to galvanize conservative voters in support of racial segregation—to motivate misogynistic people who really only care about punishing women to also turn out in support of the entire right-wing agenda." - Laura Bassett in Jezebel

Tyranny of the Minority...

It looks like the White Christian Ayatollahs of the Right sitting on the blatantly partisan and supremely corrupt Supreme Court have decided that Women are just passive, biological receptacles for Men to do with as they please. This does not bode well for anyone who thinks they have rights that conflict with the views of the Ayatollahs. 

This will/should not stand.  Check out this "Brief History of Abortion Law in America:"  "Abortion is as old as antiquity. As long as people have been having sex, there have been women having abortions. The American debate over whether a woman should have the right to end her pregnancy is a relatively new phenomenon. Indeed, for America’s first century, abortion wasn’t even banned in a single US state."

The USA is not a Christian nation. It is not a Theocracy. The right-wing minority should not be tyrannizing the rest of us with their retrograde religious hokum. This decision also spells trouble for other "rights" that many of us have taken for granted. The Ayatollahs of the Right are coming for you! WTF.

Time to organize, to march, to vote like every vote and every election matters, because you know, our Democracy, our Freedom and our expectations of Equality for All, and our Very Lives depend on it.

What About Dat?!

Then there is  WHATABOUTISM: "a variant of the tu quoque logical fallacy that attempts to discredit an opponent's position by charging hypocrisy without directly refuting or disproving the argument." 

We Tricky Monkeys love to play the "what about game;" it is a scourge, it is maddening, it makes hash of sensible arguments. It is employed across the globe. Sometimes you just can't get past it. It's a deal-killer, brain-numbing, a great tool in the fabulous disinformation dystopia.

Sometimes the only thing to do is walk away.  WHATABOUTISM is a dead, black hole for any kind of sensible discussion. Cooler heads must refuse to play.

Smart > Smarter, Stupid > Stupider...

The best thing I've read describing the Internet: The Internet makes Smart People Smarter, and Stupid People Stupider. 

Maybe there aren't as many Stupid People as it appears. You know, they are the ones who talk the loudest, and with the most force. Often Stupid dominates the conversation. The Internet gives Stupid People the ability to feed off other Stupid People. 

It's a problem...

Counter to Nature...

 Human Beings warring with Mother Nature? 

Another... really... really... bad... idea... !

Snakes...

 Watch out for the Snakes in the Grass!

Bad Idea!

Human Beings playing God? 

That... is... a... supremely... bad... idea!

"The World's Greatest Drug..."

You gotta bounce. The coffee helps. This interview in the Chicago Reader with Fran Lebowitz totally resonates this a.m. I mean, I think Fran is my Spirit-Animal!

Question: Is she ever at a loss for words? 

Answer: "No. Truthfully, I have no idea where it comes from. The secret to this is coffee. The world’s greatest drug. I just drink gallons of coffee. I have a rider in my contract and the rider is mostly about coffee: how much coffee has to be in the dressing room and my hotel room. There has to be coffee all around me. That coffee is my entire cognitive ability." - Fran Lebowitz

Limits of Being Human...

You are reminded when it comes to the most important things in Life, you are pretty much helpless. We have this illusion of control, but really we are swimming in an enormous river of events, just doing our best to go with the flow, and keep our heads above water. We can't control the flow, maybe we can try to control how we  act & react in the face of circumstances dire and mundane. We basically have to take what comes, try our best to endure. You hear some very distressing news, and you realize, you are powerless to do anything about it, except, Hope for the Best, Think Positive Thoughts, Conjure Up some Healing, Golden, Vibes. So you do all of the above, but you wonder if any of these creative psychic visualizations have any substance or influence in the wider world? Who knows? You think: Everything is Connected (String-Theory!), Everything Counts (a mystical notion - as above, so below). You tell yourself that the Universe is basically a multiplicity of energies; vibes, positive & negative. You are left with Chanting, and Praying, and Focusing your Intention on Positive Outcomes, but these rituals seem sort of paltry in the face of catastrophic events. Another lesson in the reality of being a Human Being in this vast, wondrous, distressing, confounding Universe. 

Chemical Cocktails...

I am convinced we are elaborate chemical cocktails. Want to feel good? It's all about the chemistry. The right elements in the right quantities swimming about in our bodies interacting, collaborating. The best way to get the chemistry right? Food. Organic. Fresh. Probably best to cook it. Eating a variety of foods, mainly or exclusively vegetarian.  You might want to add supplements too. B-12, magnesium, garlic, cayenne pepper, aloe vera juice, vitamin C. I am one of those kooky folks who thinks we are what we eat. Food is the best medicine. Still, it's an ongoing project, a moving target, and you have to adjust and reassess all the time, get it wrong, the chemistry gets out of whack, and you feel bad, it can lead to disease. Best to try stuff. Experiment. We are all unique. We each need to discover the optimal mix. Pick your poisons carefully, Dear Pilgrim. Everything counts.

Sunday Answers...

My friend and I often say, just before we go to sleep: "Let's get an answer." Sometimes we do. I wake up from a very deep sleep with these thoughts on the tip of my mind. I suppose most of this is stuff I know that I know.

Do not take anything for granted, especially not all the things we do take for granted.

Be humble and kind even in the face of indifference and hostility.

Don't be afraid, even in the face of all that scary shit that comes our way.

Do the work. Always, with determination, with inspiration, with gumption, and damn the torpedos.

Have fun. Play. Laugh. Smile often.

Don't worry about what others think, or do, or say.

Listen to everything in the air, but don't take it personally.

Be aware of the nay-sayers, the soul-eaters, those who want to have what we have.

Protect yourself. Meditate. Ground yourself. Eat well. Lean to Clarity and Charity.

Fierce Hope, Fierce Creativity. Fierce Intention.

Do the Work. Do the work. Do the work.

Biblical Days...

Some days have a sort of "Biblical" vibe. Like there is some test or challenge thrown down at your feet, you must pick it up and wrestle with it. You wonder is it God doing the testing and challenging, and if so doesn't she have anything better to do? Or is it a team of Deranged Demon Monkeys who are thinking up funny impossible shit for you to do? 

For instance you have be THERE & THERE & THERE & THERE and pronto! Lots places to go in a short window of time.  Just do it, and be quick about it. And at the same time it is cold, raw, windy, rainy, ok, it's not a rain of frogs, but you know, it is certainly raining cats & dogs, and you are out in the elements unprotected, exposed, vulnerable, on a bicycle, and on your feet, and you are truly, madly, deeply getting soaked to the freaking bone.

What to do? You just do it. And laugh. Yeah. It is sort of funny. And, well, no one is shooting at you, you will survive this day. 

In fact, by late afternoon you are snuggled up on a big comfy couch with a fat little bulldog at your feet, reading Ken Kesey's great novel "Sometimes a Great Notion." (1962). It is truly a mad, burly beast of a novel. You had a bit of trouble at first, getting into the damn thing, but now it's got you hooked, and you are convinced it is some weird-ass masterpiece, even though most folks probably think of Kesey's first novel, not his second as a fabulous, phantasm of an American epic. In Kesey's Universe everything, human, animal, mineral is alive. You are at the 500 page mark and you are really tracking now.

And you took a book-break, put your headphones on and listened to Roxy Music's first album (1972) - an overstuffed masterpiece of many sonic flashes, and Roxy's beautiful baby "Avalon" (1982), pure, gorgeous sonic bubble-bath of sultriness. And you get so much joy and pleasure and inspiration from such great works of art. You know, like, great books and great records totally fill you up. They are important, powerful, necessary fuel. Totally restorative and essential. And you realize that this day kind of encapsulates, everything,  the whole thing, the whole weird-ass experience of  being alive: the testing, the challenging, the lounging, reading, listening, luxiouriously sinking into other states of consciousness.

Luckily, everything worked out. And, now, this morning, glorious sunshine. A new day. Amazing.

"Spiritual Gumption!"

Photo by Kim Morgan on the Set of "Nightmare Alley."

Hell and damnation have been in my consciousness since I was Wee Lad in Catholic grade school. The black-habited Sister Mary Aquanata, my 3rd grade teacher, very "Darth Vader-like," had a mission, she had me convinced that I had a one-way ticket to "The House of Damnation," and I was free to cash in my ticket at any time.

For some reason, this did not scare the "Be-Jesus" out of me. I sort of resigned myself to Hell, and figured, I might as well accept my fate, and try to live my life the best I could. I never thought I'd win that old nun over. Hah! Funny. I am kind of surprised at the "Spiritual Gumption" of that Wee Lad. Maybe it was also a bit of laziness, you know the power of goofing off. Still, even then I had a little bit of that rebellious spirit animating me. Okay, Heaven was not for me, I'd have to make the best my days on the planet. No choir of Angels for me. "I've got nothing Ma, to live up to..." - B. Dylan

Today, I'd say "The House of Damnation" is always with us. I lean to the Jean-Paul Sartre idea that "Hell is Other People." Right. Be careful who you choose to hang with, pick your poisons carefully, everything counts. Damnation is around every corner. Of course, the best parties are found in Hell, but that burning heat is everlasting! Yikes! Step lightly dear Pilgrim!

The Calm...

After the storm, the calm. Everyone scurries for cover, and then, the darkness passes and everyone comes out to face the new day. There is a hangover vibe in the air: weird doings, clouds of drama, now gone, just vapor trails left hanging in the breeze. We must carry on. Do what we have to do, and do it to the best of our abilities. The search for meanings will be put off for another day. Heads down, time to get busy and do the work.

A Hornet's Nest of Twisted Shite...

I often fall back on my go-to phrase: "People are Tricky," (see previous post). I think it is a  quite useful, and true formulation, because it's open-ended, vague, and can account for the crazy-ass spectrum of actions and behaviors of my self, and my fellow Human Beings. Human Psychology =  a hornet's nest of twisted shite. "Everyone has their reasons," and their histories, and their Genetic Blueprints. You know we are the meeting place of Nature vs. Nurture, and when Nature and Nurture collide there will be sparks and blood. We all come from long winding lines of Dead People who also had their loony narratives, dramas and traumas, and comedies and tragedies, and other tales of ordinary madnesses. I do think we carry on the sins of our fathers and mothers. We wear the trauma in our bodies, and in our psyches. 

It is funny and baffling and confounding and sometimes inspiring to come across a Human Being. It is so easy to see all the flaws and foibles and madnesses, horrors and idiocies in someone else. It is instructive. Entertaining. Sometimes horrifying. Harder to see all of this in our own actions and thoughts. We all have our biases and blind-spots, our prejudices, it takes work to try to get past those blocks. I think we read novels, non-fiction, biographies, and watch theater and TV dramas because we are fascinated by what it means to Be Human. We want to see how other people live. What they do, what they think, how they explain themselves to themselves. It's a life-long class. Every day a new lesson. Let's do that Human Thing today and see where it goes.

"Don't be an Asshole." That's kind of a target to shoot for. It's as simple as that. Try to be gentle and kind. Even if the world we inhabit doesn't necessarily value gentleness or kindness. Of course, sometimes you are left with "Fuck that guy," but it's just a moment. And then, well, you know, "people are tricky..."

Apotheosis of Ego & Id...

Yes. I met the cultured, privileged Little Prince. He is an arrogant, grand, snotty baby. His oozing contempt for me and, well, pretty much anyone else within his sight was a live palpable thing in the room. It was like being locked in a plush cage with a feral, witchy animal. Something terrifying and magnificent to behold. The Little Prince is someone who has never had to lift a finger, who has always been pampered, fed, buffed and polished. Someone who has always been praised. No doubt, "a genius" a very special, precious and unique entity. Holy Shite, the World should be so grateful that this amazing being even exists, and that he deigns to be alive in our realm. Not Human, nothing like the rest of us. His "black-hole-sun" burning, smoldering silence is an awesome phenomena to behold. Deeply hostile. Steel-hard. Smoking-cold. Miserable. The Little Prince looks right thru you. Say a word to him, maybe a simple greeting, a friendly "Hello,"  and it vaporizes in the air before you. You walk away stunned by this putrid cloud of pure, supremely-indifferent hate (can hate be so indifferent?),  that hangs above him. Maybe he is choking on the fumes of his own self-loathing & self-hatred? Fetch the Psychoanalyst, pronto! This Little Prince wields a grand indifference to anything alive, anything that is not him.  It is the Grand Apotheosis of Ego and Id. So, so funny. Hilarious. Really. Truly. Madly. Deeply. I had to laugh. As soon as I was safely out of his orbit, beyond the clutches of his strange, dark & wicked gravitational pull, I laughed and laughed, deep belly-laughs; and the surprisingly forceful words popped out my mouth, with no fore-thought, I mean, I spit them into the wind, completely unbidden: "Fuck that Guy!"

Giving Yourself Up to the Elements...

Yeah... what's holy...? Everything/Nothing?

How about:

Spit

Sweat

Blood

Phlegm

Tears 

Piss

Shit

It's been said, "The Meek Shall Inherit The Earth."

You have get "down there" with the dirt, the mulch, the roots, the dead leaves, the broken branches, the rocks, the ants, the grasses, all the various shit. 

Floating in the jet-stream, alive in the Hurly-Burly. Can't be afraid to get your hands dirty. I'm not saying wallow in the mud, but you know, maybe you have give yourself up to the elements. Maybe even eat a little dirt, it probably won't kill you. Let go. Sink in. I mean, I really think so.

Bucket Sunday!

Well, you may be celebrating Easter Sunday, the day that supposedly the stone rolled away and that Major Dude rose up to the Heavens. A quaint notion and nice tale of renewal, rising from the Dead, Resurrecting!

Here in our household we celebrate Bucket Sunday every other Sunday, and well, it turns out TODAY is Bucket Sunday. That's when we put out the Collective Resource Composting Bucket for Monday morning pickup.  A shiny Orange Bucket filled with food-scraps, coffee grounds, etc.

Same concept: Easter and Composting. 

You know, transformation.  

Nothing is really ever dead. Everything turns into everything else.

Little microbes & bacteria: "... gives the vitamins and minerals of food scraps back to the Earth to create healthy soil..." And then from that soil grows new life.

You know, the cycle. Birth, Death, Renewal. Rinse and Repeat. Amen, Brothers & Sisters...

God-Like = Imagination...

Thinking about GOD this a.m. The "Great Almighty," The Big "Whats-it," "The Grand PooBah!" You know, Passover, Easter, Ramadan all collide this weekend. As Bono (Rabble-rousing singer & Protestant Preacher, often playing Jesus),  says (why do I think of GOD and Bono in the same breath?),  All Sons & Daughters of Abraham must COEXIST, seems we can't escape the wafting aura of things holy and profane this weekend.  Oh yeah, just a reminder: don't forget all those Holy Scribes, Prophets, Poets, Preachers of all faiths and flights of fancy were/are human beings, flawed, fallible, complicated, tricky, murderous, lecherous, intolerant, and corruptible.

Can't avoid the apocalyptic headlines this morning either. It's almost like an rolling apocalypse every day of the week. That's one of the results of being plugged into the Global information network. So yeah, the bleak, strange, horrific, illogical, fantastic and disturbing visions of Revelations seem to roll out across our consciousness and eyeballs every damn day. Apocalypse Now and Now and Now...

I coined this phrase on my own: "Everything is Holy. Life is Cheap."  The sacred and the profane are like a cross that we all carry every moment of our lives. Life: A beautiful gift that can be crushed and snatched away at any time. Life: precious, and totally ubiquitous.  One thing, everything, nothing.

If GOD, it's a phenomena that we can't even conceive. I mean conceive away, but it's all rubbish. Think maybe: Not human. Not benevolent. Not all-seeing and all-knowing. Just like a DUMB ROCK. Magnetic. Emitting vibes. Not a creator. Just an energy. Clueless and Careless.

We invent poetic images, we try to paint a different picture. We imagine a Big Daddy.  We don't realize that really our SuperPower is to Imagine, what is there and what isn't...

Plus Ketchup!

"Walk the Mystical Path on Practical Feet." 

Somewhere along the line I came across that line in a book on the Tarot. I try to live it too. Not exactly sure what it means, maybe keep your feet on the ground, even while your head is dancing in the stars? Something like that.

Anyway, before you can try to figure out the big picture of Love & Spirit and Meaning, you have to walk, and talk and eat lunch. Every step, every breath and every bite counts.

Yesterday, post-lunch this was my text message to my good friend, giving a report of my latest meal. 

Yesterday 4:35 p.m. - "Beyond Burgers and pretzel rolls? Like eating GOD. Plus ketchup!"

Maybe You have to Be a Hustler to Understand a Hustler?

We watched "Licorice Pizza" (2021), a film by the great Paul Thomas Anderson a week or so ago. It totally resonated with my partner and I. How would I sum it up? BTW - (I actually hate summing it up, by summing it up, I am not doing it justice) - it is a great, funny, life-affirming film; a story of two, wacky,  misfits, alive in the early 70's, people who just have "no place," don't fit in anywhere, but who possess lots of energy, and ambition, and who are always, always hustling, hustling and hustling!

I mean, I guess, we saw a lot of ourselves in those two characters. And we loved the music, the filming (every frame suffused with art and intelligence).  Funny too. Really funny. I recommended the film to two different sets of friends, and in both cases I was later told: "We just didn't get it."

Puzzling. But, you know, thinking about it now, this morning, of course, they didn't get it. My partner and I, we live in a very affluent neighborhood, we don't really belong here, we are just barely hanging on the margins, keeping afloat with smoke and mirrors, and pluck and pure HUSTLE! And we both come from families who always had to hustle and scrape to make ends meet. We live and work with folks who grew up in totally different circumstances. It is easy to forget there is an Upstairs, and a Downstairs, (see previous post about status games), and although we can rise up from Downstairs to rub shoulders with the folks Upstairs, we really are interlopers. We are tolerated, treated kindly, but really, we are fish out of water.

My friends, my "acquaintances" exist in a completely different social class. These folks are quite wealthy.  And they come from a long family tree of wealth, prosperity, and success. If anyone "belongs," these folks do. They always have done so.

Safe to say these folks never had to hustle a day in their lives. I mean, they are intelligent, accomplished folks, friendly, admirable. Society's winners. Inherited wealth beyond the imagination. You know, on the surface, human beings just like everyone else, folks just like us, but then again, it is true, the Rich truly are different. Their experience in the world is totally different than folks like us. These folks BELONG. They have always belonged.

A movie about quirky hustlers always on the make? They just didn't get it.

Touchstone Book by Johnstone...

I read this Keith Johnstone book "Impro: Improvisation and the Theatre," in the 90's. No doubt one of the greatest, most revelatory books I've ever read. Yes, it's about theater, comedy, improvisation, and teaching, but essentially it is also fundamentally about what it means to be a Human Being. It will change the way you look at the world, and all human relationships in the world.

Off the top of my head I can reel off the astonishments that have resonated with me all these years later: 

All Human relations are "status games." Every damn one. High Status vs. Low Status. All comedy & tragedy stems from status reversals. We derive great joy and pleasure in observing status games. We can also be totally humbled and destroyed by them.

Human beings are hierarchal  animals. Always. In every realm of life. There is a structure of relationship. You will play many roles in life, High Status, Low Status, sometimes the roles will change from one sentence to the next.

Adults are damaged, traumatized children.

All human being are fundamentally creative beings.  Some of us are better able to access that creativity than others. But we all have the capability of being immensely creative. Most of our schooling dulls and destroys our ability to access this creativity. Often it is luck and pluck and circumstance that allows some of us to escape the destructors.

Put a mask on and Human Beings will transform and reveal new selves, darker souls. As Dylan remarked: "Someone puts on a mask, they will tell you the truth."

We all wear masks all the time. For instance: "Rationality is a mask we wear." Yes, we are all basically crazy, batty, totally kooky. As Johnstone reminds us, get to know anyone and one of the first things they will tell you: "I'm crazier than I look!"

Hah! Good morning!

The a.m. soundtrack - Explosions in the Sky "All of a Sudden, I Miss Everyone"  (2007). Glorious, shimmering electric guitars and explosive drums and bass. Instrumental. Lightness. Quicksilver. Love.

Again, For the First Time...

Maybe best to wake up to every day with Shoshin - "Beginner's Mind"  - "an attitude of openness, eagerness, and lack of preconceptions." Sort of a blank slate. This is not "Groundhog Day,"  although sometimes it feels like it. We are not reliving the same day, no, every day is new, unique, and what we think we know about the day, the world, and even ourselves is actually untested & unknown in this moment. We have experiences and memories, but best not to be imprisoned or clouded, or fogged by them. I always think of Firesign Theater's great line: "Everything You Know is Wrong."  Yes, start the day with that, and see what happens. You know, be "certain of nothing," and well, maybe see what & where being alive, aware, awake to every moment leads you.

Doing the Work...

The Wise Ones (they will remain unnamed this a.m.) tell us:

"Work on yourselves."

Yes. Indeed. We are all works in progress. Perfection is a flashy chimera shimmering out there on the horizon. Don't let that unicorn dazzle or distract you. Get busy. Dig deep. Notice the flaws, the biases, the contradictions, the idiocies, the over-confidences.

We can all do so much better. There is "clarity," a "quality" of living within reach. Listen. Open your eyes. your head, your heart. Take in the moment. Reflect. Come on, do the fucking work Pilgrim...

The a.m. soundtrack: "Mermaid Avenue" (1998). Listening to this fabulous album this morning, does it make me a better human being? Just listening, just simply paying attention? Probably yes. Woody Guthrie, Jeff Tweedy, Billy Bragg, Jay Bennet, early-edition Wilco. Brilliant, beautiful, so, so human. Makes one feel good, and want to do, and, be, good, too. Eternal Delight!

Off the Top of My Head...

Morning maxims:

"Everything Counts..."

"One step at a time..."

"You don't know what you don't know..."

"Everything is Everything..."

"Everything is holy..."

"Everything is cheaper than it looks..."

"Life is precious..."

"Life is cheap..."

"Every moment is precious..."

"Coffee is the will to live..."

"Be humble, gentle & kind..."

"Serpentine!"

"Keep moving, keep smiling, keep laughing..." 

Storm-Tossed...

Tossing and turning all night long. It was like being on a storm-tossed ship. Couldn't get my "sea legs." A bit fuzzy this a.m. The sun is breaking across the land, that's a good thing, kind of a new development. And, yes, well, the coffee (it's always about the coffee, right?!), is doing the trick. Wonder what the day will be bring. Bring it!

Don't Be Too Much...

You have to modulate...

Too happy, you make others pissed off.

Too optimistic, you make others want to kick you.

Too enthusiastic, you make others laugh at you.

You don't want to be "too anything."

MODULATE!

Too visible, they all want to squash you.

Beware, be careful, don't be too much. I mean, yes, be too much, but keep it close to the vest. Let the flame burn high inside, but only show so much, otherwise others will try to douse that flame. It's just the way of those others... funny, that...

Good vs. Evil...

Thinking of those black-habited nuns that helped raise me all those many years ago. I felt like a little caged monkey (I believe in Evolution, yes, Darwin's Dangerous Idea is spot on!), in Catholic Grade School. Couldn't wait to escape out into the neighborhood. Always tried my best to be invisible during the long, boring hours in school. The whole religion thing was delivered to us with such a heavy, literal-minded hand. I resisted immediately, and carried that resistance deep in my DNA for many, many decades afterwards.

Today, I'd say I'm mystically & poetically, (for more on this topic check in with Patti Smith & Nick Cave), connected to my religious upbringing. I see the magic of the mass; the incense, the pomp & circumstance, the theater, the transubstantiation, the wine into blood (ritual vampirism), the bread into flesh (ritual cannibalism), the consuming of the body of the Lord by the the gathered flock (how to get close to Jesus, not to worship him but to BE JESUS? Consume his blood and flesh, TAKE HIM INTO YOUR BODY!), as a symbolic, magical ritual, that was orchestrated to get us to some kind of transcendent state.  Count me in as a mystic, a pagan, a druid, a spirit-seeker and soul-stirrer.  

And what does it mean to BE JESUS? "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Humility, Forgiveness, Love, and an ability "to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" without complaint: "they know not what they do."

What was the point of all the smoke and mirrors, the hurly-burly, the grand pomp? 

Today I'd say it was simply a drama of GOOD vs. EVIL. A sort of play-acting that illustrated the concept that both GOOD and EVIL reside deep in the Human Heart (see Carl Jung & Joseph Campbell). All of us in the Human Herd are capable of the GREATEST GOOD AND THE MOST VILE EVIL. And we know the difference. We can choose, we don't need a Heaven or a Hell to reward or punish us. We embody heaven and hell, right here, right now. We can embrace the symbolic nature of everything around us: practice rituals and embrace the poetry & the myths. Try to transcend our human flaws & foibles, hold ourselves to account.

And, well, we see that big ponderous drama played out every day. Yes, there is GOOD in the world, and there is EVIL. Easy to see it, it is IN us. We can all choose to throw our lot in with one side or the other, (as Dylan said: "you've got to serve somebody"), but it is important to realize, to know definitively, that there is an existential game going down right before our eyes every damn moment of every damn day. And there ain't no Jesus, or God, or Demon who is gonna come down and save us. We need to dig deep and get our shit together all on our own, (Patti Smith: "Jesus died for somebody's sins but not mine, Meltin' in a pot of thieves, Wild card up my sleeve, Thick heart of stone, My sins my own, They belong to me, me..."), leaning to the light.

Human Beings. Universal Human Rights. Catalog the "Crimes Against Humanity" (See the latest Putin edition of Hell). Turn to the Questioning Gospel according to Nick Lowe: "What's So Funny about Peace, Love and Understanding?"

Don't Have to Play that Game...

There is a game...

Bigs eat Littles, the Strong beat down the Weak, the Haves lord it over the Have Nots, the Rich rule over, and squelch, the Poor, the Powerful crush the Powerless.

We don't have to play that game. We can choose to transcend the "needing, wanting, grasping," we can choose to be gentle & kind, and wish the best for all. It's not too starry-eyed. Really.  I mean, hell, why not? I'm pretty sure it's the "kind and gentle game" that is the best game in town.

Work, Eat, Sleep, Dream...

Lately, for me, it's all about simplifying my day to day. Doing one thing at a time. Refusing to multi-task. Trying my best to approach everything with my full attention. Un-scatter my head. It helps to live in the "real world." You know the world of pavement, sidewalks, trees, squirrels, lake, sun, cloud, mud and grass. To breathe in the air of a day. Take it in and let it animate.

I scan the morning headlines, I feel it is my duty to try to "keep up with the news" but most of it is sad and terrifying. I spend lots of my time attending to my favorite "art:" movies ("Licorice Pizza," "The Lighthouse," "Coda", "The Witch," "The Big Lebowski") a good novel (Ken Kesey's "Sometimes a Great Notion") and music.  Mainly music. I let the sound-waves roll over me and enrapture me. Spending lots of time with Sigur Ros, Neutral Milk Hotel, The Stones, Dylan, Peter Gabriel, Nick Cave, you know, the usual suspects.

Work, eat, sleep, dream.  That's pretty much the whole she-bang. One thing at a time. And don't forget: Do the hard things first, no hesitation. That is a lesson learned.

The human story, it will bring you to tears. Sometimes tears of exuberant joy, sometimes tears of grave, deep, despair. I don't think the volume of tears evens out: joy vs. despair. We are left with a vast, brimming pool of tears, deep enough in which to drown. Is it too much to ask to hope to float?

Watching the sunrise this morning. It moves so fast. Reminds me that everything moves so fast. You can cannot hold it, or stop it.

As soon as I said the words "I'm lucky," I regretted it. I could see the Fates & Furies getting ready with some apocalyptic mischief.

Morning thought:: the deepest wisdom is bone-deep; simple, direct, easy to understand, easy to miss, or dismiss.

Back to low tech blogging for a couple of days. Today's phrase of the day: Godsmacked & Bedazzled!

The Flaws are Baked In...

I will hazard the guess that studying Human Beings, and BEING a Human Being gives one some insights on the subject of being Human. Look around. What's the main takeaway? We are not as smart or together as we pretend to be. We all have blind-spots and flaws, and we often lie to ourselves and others. Most of us probably suffer from the Imposter Phenomenon.  We feel like frauds fearing to be called out. Best to seek out our "authentic selves;" being and doing only what is authentic to our own quirky, flawed constitutions, knowing that we "don't really know" everything, sometimes don't know anything, but then deciding to be kind, gentle and humble with ourselves and others. It's probably a lifetime project. We are moving targets tracking moving targets.  Not surprising to find out that the most successful, popular, powerful, beautiful & accomplished amongst us are also supremely fucked up. It just goes with the territory. It turns out that Celebrity, Fame, Money, Power just amplify and cultivate our flaws and bad tendencies. And being poor, without Celebrity, Fame, Money, Power often makes one's existence just a grim, long, hard slog. Being poor in the land of supremely wealthy just knocks you down all across the board. Looking for evidence? Check out the daily headlines.  Really. "Elementary, My Dear Watson." That's not to say that some of us can't rise above the "needing, wanting, grasping." Many do. See the best of us in the Arts, Sciences, and Cultural Studies. We can find alternative ways to live and measure happiness and healthiness, but you know, it ain't easy, and it's a never-ending search and journey. Suffering helps. Helps us find some compassion for ourselves and others; I mean a lesson from The Buddha, easier said than done.

Filter, Pick & Choose...

There are some distinct advantages to "Living in Your Own Private Idaho," you know, cultivating your own interior landscape. That is where your "calm center" is located.  Some of us have a vast and roomy interior space, built upon silence, and a disciplined meditation practice, where we reside, and where we can retreat, when things get weird and dicey. And, you know, in the human realm, things always get weird and dicey.  

Sure in Your Own Private Idaho you have your quirks, obsessions, madnesses, and rabbit holes, that's what makes it your own. But you don't have to obsess and be outraged by what everyone else is being obsessed and outraged about. You can filter, pick and choose. It is in the interior zone where you find and cultivate your "authentic self." No one can mess you there. It is a sanctuary, a retreat, a holy place. Often it's the only place to be.

Ragged, Shiny Beast...

Blazing, glorious sunshine here this morning. I woke up late, had a big blanket over my head. Caught some extra ZZZZ's. Felt good and necessary. Dylan and the Band are on the CD player this morning. The Basement Tapes (Bootleg Version - RAW).  Dylan is just such a special brew. If you are into his music, there is nothing that compares. Truly.

I love the tracks from the basement, they were never really intended to see the light of day, but they are magnificent, funny, wild, unkempt; Dylan's songwriting creativity was over-flowing, and the Band were there giving their all just for themselves. Amazing work. So inspiring, joyful and well, yes, hopeful.

This is the line that sticks out this morning, feeling good, but even before I turn to the headlines of the day, this line, a ragged, shiny beast calls to me: "It's a wicked life, but what the hell, everybody's got to eat." - B. Dylan

Jiving with It...

This morning, finally, mercifully, the sun breaks across the Heartland. It has been pretty much a long week of the "cold, gray slog." We humans are such transparent, easily-influenced creatures, you know, like weather-vanes?

We reflect and amplify the weather. Everything is different this morning, everything is suffused with light. It really does seem like a new day, a new world, new possibilities, a new human being at the keyboard.  You know, I think of that freaking "Hallmark Card-like" cliche: "This is the first day of the rest of your life."

Hah. Exactly. Let's just say I'm jiving with cliche, riding it for all it's worth, in all it's sugar-coated, gloriously sunlit, magnificence.

Do Your Best...

So you let go the wheel, and roll forward. You go with the roll. You decide you won't judge the day or the moment. You will just go with it. Sort of a lightly determined ZEN thing. Keep your eyes peeled. Breathe. You listen to and watch your body light up with a new deep breath. And another one after that one. Breathing is good. Also, keep a clear head. Clarity. It's good. Roll. Forward. Slowly. Carefully. Gracefully. Can you live carefully and gracefully? You will do your best.

Visions of Hell...

You kind of feel like Dante Alighieiri this morning. Conjuring up a series of circles of Hell. Imagining certain wings for certain folks. You hear a story on the radio of young children being murdered and maimed in Ukraine. All this unbearable horror unleashed by one madly delusional, super-disgusting Human Being. Yes. There should be a special dark circle in hell called the Putin Ring of Hell. Dante was a prodigious poet, he could really spin a poetic tale. This morning all I can conjure up is a hard pool of tears, and yes, visions of a righteous hell-scape for the evil-doers.

"Why?"

"Why?" 

That is the question. Always. And usually it just hangs there, over our heads like a big cloud of unknowing...

"Why?"

Strays...

Stray sentences I came across from two wildly different sources this rainy morning  in the dim light of the kitchen sipping coffee with Bob Dylan and the Band's "Basement Tapes" spinning on the box.

"Life... astoundingly short, strange and inexplicable."

"As the Master says: So Be It."

Aye, There's the Rub, Bub...

Is it more than it is, or is it less than it is, or is it just "it is what it is?"  You may ask, "what is this it is you are speaking of?"

Last night, in the middle of a deep, restful sleep (that's a new thing!),  a voice came to me. It wasn't my voice, it was an authoritative, soothing, radio-friendly voice; sure, confident, male.

And the voice said unto me: "The important thing is to see clearly, always."

Hah! Not exactly "Burning Bush Material," but you go with the voices you get. 

That's a pretty good one. Rings true, but, I mean, what the hell do you do with that? What of my flaws, my biases, how do I know whether I am seeing clearly, or not? No answers there. Just, you know, a pocketful of questions.

Aye, there's the rub, Bub...

New WWSP T-shirt - "Crow with Pearls."

My partner and I have a band named whitewolfsonicprincess. It is a creative mission, sort of cult of "vibes." It is a vehicle, a platform and entity that lets us gather with some amazingly creative musicians to "compose" all original music, which we often record, and play out in the world.  One of our fans described our music as "21st Century Druid Music."  Dig!

Our band and creative mission is an all-consuming "flow-activity." A reason to live and to believe. Sometimes we have merchandise too, you know it's all part of being an independent DIY entity. We have a new T-Shirt design! Taking PRE-ORDERS NOW via Bandcamp!  

Be the 1st on your block to own the latest coolness: "Crow with Pearls!" Turn the sound up. The tune is "Dance a Wave," from our last album The Alternate Boot. Enjoy!

Heady Landscape...

There seems to be an outward and an inward journey. Sometimes they run right along with each other. You are in the world, and "watching yourself" in the world. Your interior space connects with the exterior, and  they sort of mirror each other.

Lately the outward journey is quite circumscribed. Navigating smaller and smaller circles. Whereas, the inward journey seems to expand and deepen. There is a bit of a disconnect, or a dislocation. 

Chalk some of it up to the global pandemic: lockdown, isolation. Choosing to go out less, staying home more. You spend more time living in your interior space and less "out there." Lots more reading, listening to music on headphones, ruminating. Head stuff. You are a bit of a stranger in a strange land, and that strange land is inside your own head. A heady landscape, no doubt.

Yes, that Molehill is a Mountain...

Can you make a mountain out of a molehill?

Sure. A small personal problem or event is blown up to massive, earth-shaking proportions.  That's life. That's the Human Thing right there in a nutshell.

Lose a tooth, (see previous post), and you'd think the planet cracked in two. Suddenly you feel like a different person, that every aspect of your existence has changed. The little corner of your mouth has been transformed, instead of nursing a spiky troublemaker, you are nursing what feels like a massive crater, a large fleshy void in furthest territory of your mouth.

There is mystery, a hushed quietness in that void.

Funny. You carry yourself gently. You cultivate silence. You are more careful. You eat less, you talk less, you turn inward. Yikes, I mean it was just a tooth., a poor wreck, a terrible excuse of a tooth.

Still, it's true, everything has changed...

The Dentist: Profound Void...

Can going to the Dentist be a profound experience? 

Yes, well, yesterday I was convinced I was going in for a patch-job, just a quick touch-up on an old wisdom tooth way back in the furthest reaches of my mouth. Nice day, I biked there, about 30 minute ride.

I got in the chair, you know, I love my Dentist, he's a cool guy, no b.s. total pro, so I always take the chair with confidence. He took one look in my mouth a declared: "I have to take it out." I looked up at the ceiling, there are beautiful little cherubs and angels painted up there, pretty nice ceiling, I gulped and said in reply: "Okay! Let's do it."

I was sort of attached to that tooth, and for sure it was attached to me. Had it in my head most of my life. But it was a wreck of a tooth. Filled over the years, many times. A while back the filling fell out, and it's been an empty, edgy, sharp and spiky husk of a tooth. If I checked with my tongue it brought up images of a bomb crater, reminded me of my visit to the Meteor Crater in AZ.  That was a trip from eons ago.

He zapped me with some novocaine, I barely felt the pinch of the needle, and I numbed up right way. Then  he brought out those sophisticated tools: tongs, and pliers. YIKES. He told me I would feel some pressure, and I did, but after a bit of determined rooting around, he expertly extracted that thing and laid it on the tray next to me.

He showed it to me. It was a total lost cause of a tooth.  A nasty old thing, discolored, decayed. It looked like a burned out and beaten up alien being. Even St. Jude, Patron Saint of hopeless cases, and lost causes, couldn't do a thing for that total wreck of a tooth. The blood started to flow from the hole in my mouth, the Dentist wadded up some cotton and I chomped down on it to stem the red tide.  I could feel the new landscape, lots of new empty space in the further reaches of my head. Talk about a clearing.

This morning a bit sore, don't think I can chew anything, maybe just sip liquids and and drink warm soup. I feel empty, distant. Changed. It was only a tooth, and terrible tooth too, but it was mine. Now gone. Just a wound now, hopefully already beginning the process of healing. And you wonder about the marvel of our bodies, how they can absorb a cut, blow, a wound and begin the process of repair almost immediately. I feel a bit "inward" this morning.  A gathering of my all forces and energies. A necessary physical and mental healing.

Yes, going to the Dentist can be a profound experience.  I do think so.  One less tooth in my head, but clearer, cleaner, and well,  really as my Dentist said, that tooth was just a trouble-maker waiting for it's time to create mischief. I feel like I've dropped some baggage that was really doing nothing for me. Now just a memory, a ghost, a chimera of an old, wasted tooth. Goodbye old friend...

To Handle it All...

My long-time companion and I are such sensitive souls. We are like little, very particular birds. Alive, aware, awake to everything. It's a way of living. But it opens us up to all slings and arrows of our constantly churning hurly-burly of events, feelings, vibes.

We also can, unfortunately, hype each other up. We can feel the pain, the suffering of the wider world around us and the suffering of each other and stir it up into a cocktail of sadness, doubt, worry. We are "strange-attractors." We try our best to "keep calm and carry on," but it really is a full-time job, and we can work ourselves up into a frenzy of feeling.

That is why meditation is so important. Breathing deeply. Finding a calm center. Grounding yourself. Taking care, eating well, sleeping well, trying to be impeccable in thought and speech. As Cat Stevens once sang, "Baby, baby it's a Wild World." Yes. Indeed. Our job is to be able to handle it all.

Can't Really Explain It...

Let's just say you had an extraordinary meditation, vision and experience. It was something you consumed and integrated heart, head and soul (see previous post).

You can't really explain it, you don't really know what it means, all you can do is recognize it as a profound experience. You feel that you have changed on a fundamental level.  At the same time, some of the feeling evaporates. That magnificent liberating feeling of transcendence fades in the light of a new day.

You know it was just "pictures in your head," but you wonder why these particular pictures, and how is it possible that it was such a real, overwhelming experience?

Just like anything, add it to the mix of being human. You can't explain it. The mystery lingers. This morning you wonder what Salvador Dali was hoping to convey:

"Corpus Hypercubus is painted in oil on canvas, and its dimensions are 194.3 cm × 123.8 cm (76.5 in x 48.75 in).[4] Consistent with his theory of nuclear mysticism, Dalí uses classical elements along with ideas inspired by mathematics and science. Some noticeably classic features are the drapery of the clothing and the Caravaggesque lighting that theatrically envelops Christ, though like his 1951 painting Christ of Saint John of the Cross, Corpus Hypercubus takes the traditional biblical scene of Christ's Crucifixion and almost completely reinvents it. The union of Christ and the tesseract reflects Dalí's opinion that the seemingly separate and incompatible concepts of science and religion can in fact coexist.[5] Upon completing Corpus Hypercubus, Dalí described his work as "metaphysical, transcendent cubism"."

Yes.  A three-way marriage of Art, Religion and Science. Dig.

A Good Meditation...

It is a personal thing. A "vision," not so much a day-dream, but kind of like a day-dream. Often I meditate, and I do a little creative visualization while I still my body and breathe deeply. Sometimes I sit, sometimes I lay down, sometimes I fold my legs in a Yoga position.  Still flexible after all these years.

Yesterday, after making my appointed rounds, biking, walking and then a fabulous mid-afternoon lunch, and clean-up time (sweeping, mopping, polishing),  in our apartment, I put my headphones on, propped my head on a pillow, and sprawled across the wooden floor in our living-room. Yes. I often meditate with music on my headphones. I own a fabulous pair of  Grado headphones and I attend to the music as if I am performing a religious ritual.

I played two Sigur Ros albums: Ágætis byrjun (1999) & ( ) (2002) while I meditated. Long, meandering, floaty, "spiritual" music. Symphonic, powerful.

Two of my all-time favorite, must-have, must-play-often, no, must-commune-with, albums, no doubt. 

Majestic, atmospheric, moody, ethereal, enthralling, gorgeous. These records always entrance me. No words. Wordless vocalizations, violin-bowed guitar, bass, keyboards, drums, strings, sometimes horns. Just pure sonic bliss. I often fly when I meditate to these records. I lose myself in visions, in the clouds, blue sky, floating high above the earth. Sometimes I see figures, a Golden Buddha, The Chariot, The Hermit, The Magician Tarot cards. Sometimes a raven, an eagle. These visions captivate me, seem so real, more real than any very real lucid dream.

Yesterday, was an extraordinary experience. I saw myself as Salvador Dali's Crucifixion (Corpus Hypercubus)  I inhabited the character; Christ without the blood, the crown of thorns, the guilt, the suffering, a pure more abstract and surreal Christ. I was flying across the planet, over land, over ocean, in the clouds. I sometimes faced up, looking at the pure blue sky, and then sometimes I faced downward looking at the cities, oceans, mountains, trees, all the little scurrying people. I was the figure on the cross. And the cross was like a space vehicle. It was outfitted with some kind of silent engine, and it propelled me around our little blue planet. I circumnavigated the globe a few times. Breath-taking. Weird. Wild. So liberating, free-ing, powerful and humbling. And unexpected. Astonishing. 

Yes, indeed, that was a good meditation. 

Conjure & Impose...

Maybe it's to be expected. I got a degree in Psychology, so I see the long, winding road of Human Drama as a psychological thriller. I look at the events of the day, or the unrolling of events that we call History, and I am left with the primary, fundamental question: WHAT the fuck WERE THEY THINKING?

Trying to parse what is going on in Human Being's heads at any one time. Not easy. People are tricky. You know, there are all these competing forces, physical, economic, political, imaginary!

My "minor" was in Literature. So I also sometimes see everything through a novelist's or short story writer's lens too. Throw in all that poetry I read and wrote, and well, everything also seems like a long, prose-poem that sometimes rhymes.  

Still though, sipping coffee this a.m. the thought-bubble rises up in my head, it's all in our heads. The madness, the power, the glory, the idiocy, the horror, the beauty. We conjure and then impose...

We are All Sinners...

The flaw in human nature...

I am post-Catholic, but some of that Original Sin talk sort of resonates with me all these many years later. You know, if you think of Original Sin as a poetic metaphor; the little burbling babies, the tiny Human Beings in their swaddling clothes, stained with a dark mark on their souls at birth, it all sort of rings true. Just look at the daily headlines.

Funny, you would think it would be an easy leap to go from a literal reading of the Bible and all the Catholic teachings to a Poetic and Psychological reading of the key texts, but you know, it took lots of time, first fighting the literal indoctrination, then to a full-out rejection of all of my Catholic upbringing,  finally to a peaceful coexistence where I am free to discover and uncover any wisdom from pretty much any source, including all the major religions, and you know, even Pop Culture and the minor cults?

What are Human Beings capable of? Great Beauty & Great Horror. Maybe we have to overcome our nature, our biases, our biology? Maybe we have to learn to discipline ourselves, to not be totally selfish, egomaniacal assholes. We don't need God or Jesus, or the fear of Hell to get our shit together, we can do this on our own, looking for examples in the Human Herd.

We are biological entities, basically animals, "smart, tricky monkeys" with big aspirations and huge blind-spots. Often it seems Humans will lie, steal, cheat, rape, murder, pillage, we do pretty much anything as long as we think they can get away with it.

Human Beings will often do what they can, not what they should. But at the same time, don't we all have a sense of Goodness, Kindness, Grace and Well-Being?  We don't need a God to know The Good.

Of course, there are the "Better Angels," those examples of Human Beings who do the right thing, who suffer the slings and arrows and emerge more compassionate, more empathetic, more willing to Love and do Good. You know, "Do-Gooders."

We turn our lonely eyes to the Do-Gooders, knowing that those folks are just flawed Human Beings too. We have to take everything with a grain of salt. Hope for the Best, knowing that we are all Sinners too.

"More Pricks than Kicks." - S. Beckett

There is something to be said for just getting on with it. You know, hitching up your pants, getting your shit together and carrying on. As Samuel Beckett once said, facing the day and the world may bring "More Pricks than Kicks," but, no doubt, you can endure the pricks to get to the kicks if you just put your mind to it.

My friend's doctor recently explained: "Shit Happens." Yep. That covers a lot of territory, and pretty much sums things up. Still, we must endure, carry on, keep our eyes on the ball; always onto the next thing. I mean, fuck, why not. Yes, the torpedoes will come, but you know,  shite, "Damn the Torpedoes!"

Striding Forth...

Every morning, balancing on the thin edge of a razor. Stepping gently into the kitchen to flick on the pre-prepared coffeemaker. An inhalation of breath. Those moments before the brew starts flowing,  emerging from the nightly "cloud of unknowing," two competing thoughts, duking it out on the playground of my mind.

"Everything is going to be alright." vs. "We are royally screwed."

Contending forces: the light vs. the dark, optimistic vs pessimistic.

If the coffee is really good, and does it's usual morning magic, both thoughts can co-exist freely inside my head. That's is wisdom, intelligence, two contradictory thoughts arm in arm, hand in hand, striding forth into the new day. No, not twisted, flexible...

Thanks for the Memories...

Burdened by memories...

Maybe that is why folks write memoirs? 

It is a process of unburdening. I think of Mary Karr and her death-defying memoir "The Liar's Club." I think of Patti Smith's beautifully fabulous "Just Kids." I am currently re-reading Jim Carroll's (Catholic Boy), stark, hilarious diaries, from the 60's and 70's. 

There is something about a "voice," a writer writing about experiences, directly. The human thing rendered sentence by sentence. Imagining and re-imagining. You learn about fallibility, and hopes and dreams, and shattered lives, and wrong turns and dark shit. And life. The living of a life.

You are left with the writing. Words on a page. The book in your hands. And there is hope there. Hope in the holding and the telling  and the reading of the tale.

Memoir...

Write a memoir?

I think about the long, winding road. The events of my life. Do I delve into the crazy, stupid shit I did as young person? Do I recount my failures, my successes? Not sure I want to wade into the past.

BTW - Did I have any successes?

Oh yeah, there was that Little League game, I was pitching, we were trailing by a run, and I hit a Grand Slam home run to win the game. It was accidental, no doubt. I remember running the bases, rounding third, heading home, and the coach and the whole team was at home plate, cheering and whooping it up. I tried my best to be cool, to not crack a smile, acting like it was no big deal, but I couldn't, I broke into a big grin and gave my body up to the high-fives, hugs and backslaps.

That was a little success right there. 

So, anyway, I probably won't be writing a memoir. I just don't really want to go back there, sift through the years. What's the point?

Safe to say, my memoir would be short, concise, no fluff:

That was then, this is now...

A Quiet Place...

Noise. Lots of noise. Best to tune out the noise. Find a quiet place. Breathe. Seek a bit of a "time-out," from the hubbub and the hurly-burly. We live in the 24/7 echo-chamber, the always on Tower of Babel channel. You can lose your head to the whirlwinds. Find a bit of shelter from the storm. A quiet place. Yes.

Inherent Flaws...

"So much trouble in the World." - Bob Marley

True then, true now. I think there is always a War. Always. Never-ending. Always, somewhere on this Little Blue Planet. Human Beings are an "aggressive" species. And most assuredly, not a smart as we think we are. Oh yeah, and we are pretty damn selfish too. Not so self-reflective. Combine those inherent flaws and you get lots of turmoil and Hurly-Burly. The Human Condition.

There are some, a few, who rise above the common traits, those who learn patience, discipline, humility, silence, Love, Charity, good vibes. Altruism anyone? They are good examples, folks we can all try to model ourselves after.

When bad shit goes down, it reflects badly on all of us as a species.  Yes, there is a bit of that "collective guilt" in world events. Somehow we are all complicit. We can and must do better. Human Beings, get your shit together...

A New Day...

A new day. Maybe sort of like the last one, but decidedly, not the same day at all. As Bukowski once wrote: "The days run away like wild horses." Yep. Moments, fleeting, flying away, out of our grasp like little sparks of lightening.

So, yeah, new day. Cold, cloudy, windy, stormy. Nothing like yesterday. There is a continuity, but it is really all in my head, and in my body. I carry the days, I carry and embody the past. It is a heavy load. Sort of a burden. 

Memory. Remembering.  Trying my best to be clear, in the now. Not easy.

Being in Motion, Always...

Up early, with the Light. Yes. I am enamored with the Light. I see it and feel it and think about it as a Spirit, an Energy, a God-like phenomena. I look out the window of the present place I am staying, (you know, another chapter in my ever-evolving itinerant existence) and I see the roof & chimney of the home across the street glowing. A fiery orange glow. A reflection of a new-born Sun. The roof and bricks look old, last century old, (probably not), and supremely, wondrously alive.  

Another day, another room, another house, another furry animal adventure, another gig. What a weird "job." What a weird existence.

Happy to make it to another morning. Waking up in always changing environs is sort of a daily lesson in the ever-evolving nature of our world. Everything is a moving target on a constantly rotating planet. We are all moving targets too. It takes a bit of discipline to "be here now," but that is the task before us.

Maybe the moving, the always be moving, being in motion, always, is the key to the game? And the Light, don't forget to be Alive, Aware and Awake to the Light all around us.

Dichotomies We Live With Every Day...

You stare into the Black Abyss. 

You think the Universe is filled with a Bottomless Black.

You stare into the Light (be careful "Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind")

You think the Universe is filled with Blazing Light.

Contending Forces:

Light vs. Dark

Good vs. Bad

Love vs. Hate

Peace vs. War

We, of course, live with these dichotomies every moment of every day.

War is raging in Ukraine; the Jaws of a Man-Made Hell are open wide.

Here in the Heartland of USA it is sunny & peaceful. A bit of Heaven on Earth.

Doesn't seem fair. 

Such suffering for some, such peace & calm for others. You wonder what it's all about.

It is the way of the world. Has been since the beginning. Probably will be until the end. 

We are surrounded by darkness, we lean to the light, and hope for better days ahead for all.

Crimes Against Humanity...

All the greatest Crimes Against Humanity come from Humanity. That is fucking fact for you. The worst shit you can imagine comes from our Fellow Human Beings. Makes one take pause, gasp for the next breath.

If there is Evil in the World, it resides in the Human Heart. Same with Good. Seems we have a Demon on one shoulder, and an Angel on another. I know we all want to blame forces outside of us, Devils and Gods in some grand disembodied realm playing chess, but that is lame. It's us. It is all on us. The battlefield is in our own hearts & heads.

We watch The Horror unfold in Ukraine, and we think Monsters must have unleased this cruel violence, unconscionable death and mindless destruction. But, no, it is one megalomaniacal Human Being who has unleashed this latest Horror. Although, don't forget this one man has enablers, supporters, and co-conspirators all over the planet. 

Unimaginable. We must imagine it. We are all implicated. I suppose it is that Existentialist thing. 

What to do? Feeling pretty helpless. Hoping, praying, looking to the light. If you listen to the Wise, Holy Ones, it is essential to live Mindfully, to be kind and generous, always, to try to set an example of Right Thought, and Right Action in everything you do. We are just one drop in the ocean, but, if you go with that mystical notion, we are the ocean too!

Yes, seems sort of paltry in the face of The Horror, but that's also the very Human Truth we must live with. The limits of being Human in a vast Sea of Humanity! 

Reality. What is it Good for?

Reality...

What is it good for? Sometimes it is difficult to be in the real world, but, you know, that is where we live. The place where things are as they actually exist.  The Holy Ones, the Wise Ones tell us to be mindful, to be present, to live in the moment.  You know the real moment, all the moments, one rushing on after another. That is where we live, it is where all the shit comes down, where the Good, the Bad and the Ugly contend.

I mean, nothing wrong with dreaming, with cultivating your imagination, but the real is real, it takes discipline and clarity to the see the world as it is, and not just how you want it to be.

Best to be there in the real in all it's splendor; alive, aware, awake, no matter how difficult, or disturbing. It is where the beauty and wonder resides too. Seems simple, almost simple-minded. But there it is. Breathe. Open your eyes, your head, your heart. Let it all in, let it all come down.

Clarifying Moment...

Just pay attention. Who in the USA is siding with Putin, a murderous thug at war with a civilized world? Note the inhumanity of the folks doing Putin's dirty work in the media and in the political sphere.

Remember. Do not forget. 

This is a clarifying moment in time. The claws and fangs and bad blood are all being revealed. Bombs are dropping, innocent people are dying. We are all implicated. This is no longer political theater, this is a hard, cold reality. It is our world. At war. 

So sad. But we must face it all with a fierce compassion. Clear-headed. Time to cleanse the soul. Pay attention. Be aware, alive, awake.  There are the soul-eaters amongst us. They are revealing themselves in all their depravity.  Some folks have made a fortune feeding on disinformation, using it to destroy Democracy from the inside. Be sure to take note of the comments of President #45 and his slime-ball supporters, and his cable news & social media mouth-pieces. Who is amplifying Russian propaganda for profit?

This is no longer just a show, not just political performance art. It is a horror-show with real devastation, and blood and death. Pay attention.

Horror-Show...

Heart-breaking. Putin's horrible, death-dealing, soul-killing attack on Ukraine is a  crime against Humanity, it is an attack on all of us, on anyone of us who aspires to live a happy, free, fulfilling life on the planet.

War is always a horror-show. 

It is excruciating to see a nation suffer as one Megalomaniacal Creep tries to impose his will on a free nation of 41 million human beings.

Look upon the mayhem and weep. Weep for humanity. Weep for the children, the mothers, the fathers, for those fleeing, and those staying, and those standing against a brutal onslaught.

Putin must fail... 

We should all hope for the Dictator to fall, to be brought to some kind of Justice. One hopes and prays there are folks in Russia who will not let this continue.

Searing, Hard-Earned, Reality...

There were the American Putin sympathizers and apologists. They included our former President (#45) and both left & right wingers yapping away: air pollution. It always seemed so out of tune, so wrong-headed, so anti-Democratic, and so anti-West, and frankly anti-American. Of course, here in USA, we value Freedom of Speech, so the price we pay is that we get to hear lots of stupidity and noise, and loud, out and out, counter-productive bullshit on the airwaves, in the inter-tubes, and down the block.

The over-riding idea in a Free Democracy, ideas are aired, and the best ideas and opinions rise to the top, we hope the best, smartest ideas compel and convince enquiring minds. Of course it doesn't always work that way. Case in point #45.

Anyway, bombs are falling, tanks are rolling, people are dying. It focuses and clarifies. What is important? What is worth living for? What is worth fighting for? Who is on the right side of History? Who are the collaborators, who are the apologists and sympathizers of murder, invasion, depravity, raw, unleashed power?

Turns out Putin isn't a cold, calculating chess player, he is a madman, a bully, a thug, delusional, trying to remake a world that no longer exists.  I heard the head of the Ukraine Orthodox church on the radio call Putin the Anti-Christ. Nice. This is not really new news. Many of us have known for a long time that Putin is poison to the West, to Freedom, to Democracy, to a Free Press, to Peace. So now, a searing, hard-earned, clarity. 

The West unites. Most of the world recoils from the horror. Those apologists and sympathizers squirm and tie themselves up like pretzels pretending they did not say what they so fervently said. Remember how #45 bowed and scraped before Putin?  Let us not forget who sided and collaborated with the Dictator before the storm.

Let us Hope and Pray that the invasion falters, Putin falls, and a new renewed world heals and recommits to Peace, Love and Understanding. It's the only way forward, naysayers be damned.

Free-Range Blogging is Back!

Yes. Back to "normal" blogging. Whatever that means. Primarily I can now type in the body of a post, and type with all my fingers.  Liberation from bad, old tech.

Thinking of FREEDOM and DEMOCRACY today. Not to be messed with, not to be taken lightly, or for granted. Feeling great sympathy for the people of Ukraine, those folks heroically standing against a dastardly, barbaric invasion. 

It is Putin's Folly. The worms of depravity must have infiltrated Putin's soggy brain. 

"Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely." 

We are all Ukrainians today.

Madman Theory. I was reluctant to go with it, seems reductive, but then it does explain things. Power corrupts!

We seek clarity, eyes on the real, but often confronted with the fake, the virtual, the murk, shades of gray. Lean to the light, Dear Pilgrim! ,

"These are the days of miracles and wonder. Don't cry Baby, don't cry." - Paul Simon via Peter Gabriel

Reading reports of fresh new WAR in Europe, listening to U2 singing of Peace and Love. The Duality of the Human Thing.

A half-moon-shaped cut on my forehead; soon to be a scar, horn, third-eye, or Mark of Cain?

The Gods; they require beseeching, praying, sacrifices, they need praise and attention. The Demons; quiet, patient, content, whisper in your ear, "How can I help you Little Chicken?" .

A blazing, glorious ball of fire rises above a partially-frozen lake. The blood rises too, and sunny thoughts flood the brain of a humble pilgrim! Think: photosynthesis!

Love may be the answer, but laughter is the key to the kingdom. Genuine, well-earned, self-directed, spiced with tears of deep sadness.

Meditations/Visualizations - the Jesuits recommend getting in a boat with Jesus. But he is such a Gloomy Gus. How about getting in a boat with a willow tree, a river, a Golden Buddha, or Bunny Wailer?

The self-inflicted wounds are the worst. Most of our wounds are self-inflicted. Think: freak accident, the sabetuer!

When the weird is on the ascendant, and no doubt, dear pilgrim, times are weird indeed, there really is only one good strategy: ride the weird for all its worth. Go forth weirdly!

Deep-freeze in the heartland. Coffee is strong, music on the box. Another day. Expect to walk in little circles, leaning to the light.

Stripped to the existential. Attend to beauty in nature, art, music, poetry, film and literature. That is the good life. Love truly is the answer.

I am reduced to one finger tapping into the void. Forces have conspired to treat me to a new dawn. Today's word: SURRENDER!

I am hand-cuffed with old, out of date tech. Using an obscure browser, ancient iPad from an undisclosed location. Can only type "headlines" for the next 8 days. The will to write is strong. Expect short, cryptic

THEDDDDDDDDD

This is a test.

YES

Little Explosions...

I am reading a book, a collection of philosophical essays by Iris Murdoch.  It is a slim volume published in 1970. At first I was having difficulty tracking with it, even though it is well-written, the language is plain and clear. Maybe "too much light makes the baby go blind?" I found myself reading certain passages over and over trying to penetrate the clouds swirling in my muddled head.

Towards the end of the book, little explosions have been going off everywhere. This is my book, my language, where I am, where I live. It speaks directly to me. So many powerful insights small and large. So much wisdom, plain as day, plain as a rock garden, a tree, rushing river.

It is an old book. You would think it would be out-dated. Nope. This book is totally alive today, this moment. Astonishing. Illuminating. Everything. Good. Yes, the sovereignty of good!

The River...

Thinking about the river. Or maybe about "the river."

You can't push the river. You can jump in and float. You can grab a piece of driftwood, or build a raft, or buy a canoe and ride that thing. You can make it an adventure and shoot the rapids.

Sometimes it makes sense to sit on the shore and just watch that thing. As Dylan once sang: "Watching the River Flow."

The river will do what the river does, it will go where it goes. Maybe best to take a lesson. Flow. Flow like the river. And let it all just go.

Cosmic Vibes...

Yes, an intense conversation yesterday with a close band member. We talked about how much music means to us: the listening to it, and the playing of it. We both agreed that early in our lives, since we were young, snot-nosed kids, music has been a major kick, inspirer, & guiding light. Might sound overblown, but both us believe music has been our primary spiritual path for most our lives. Music is a way, a calling, a faith, a religion, a mission, a reason to believe, and a reason to live. It's all about those cosmic vibrations wafting over us and thru us. Imagine being in a rehearsal room with a fabulous collection of collaborators, all working together, listening, responding, giving their all to a collective energy. Transformative. Life-changing, life-affirming. The best stuff, no doubt.

Folks in the Room...

The folks in the room. The souls in the room. The human beings in the room. The spirits in the room. The collective energy in the room.

Everything counts. Everything. 

Open the door; beckon, invite, congregate with a select group of beings. Open your arms, open your head & heart.

Collect & accumulate the energy. Create together. Create something bigger and beyond the ideas of the folks in the room, bigger and beyond the hopes & dreams of the folks in the room.

Experience the power, the glory, the beauty. Take in the focused discipline of a group of individuals; unique, extraordinary, alive and attentive to each moment.

Magnificent. To be one of the folks in the room a great honor and a life mission.  You know, a practice, a form of worship, a calling.  

Best Game...

Living in the real. Living in truth. The real and the true can be hard, unforgiving, maybe not what you want, but what you must  rise up, meet & deal with. I do think living in the real and in truth is rewarding, and it is the best game in town. There is a clarity there. You realize you have to do what you have to do, but, it is not all about you and that's okay, maybe even magnificent.

Trust Yourself?

 Intuition - "the power or faculty of attaining to direct knowledge or cognition without evident rational thought and inference."

Intuition. Is it a super-power or a trap?

Do you always trust your intuition, or are you sometimes suspicious of it? I ask because without going into explicit detail (protecting the guilty and the innocent), I have been dealing with a situation and a character who has been a bane of my existence in small ways and large. From the get-go, I "knew" something was wrong, I sensed it, but ignored it, and thought I could work around it. And I welcomed this character into the inner sanctum.

Yesterday it came to fruition. Of course, my first initial intuition (think of Allen Ginsberg's "first thought, best thought"),  many months ago was totally spot on. The character totally revealed himself. It is totally liberating to be proven correct. At the same time, I kick myself. "WTF was I thinking?" 

I let my rational thought lead me astray. Second-guessing is a slippery slope. I outsmarted myself. Not for first time. Sometimes you really should trust yourself, follow your gut instinct, you know, bypass your analyzer, disable your "rational calculating machine." Rationality has it's limits too.

 Another day, another lesson. Yikes.

Sand...

Castles made of sand. Right. Kind of an apt metaphor. The maker of the castle is made of sand too. We can gather and build, shape, design, but it is all temporary; both the builder and the built. Timelines vary. Tick, tick, tick. 

No sense in fighting, we must "go with the flow" of things, and find a relaxed ease with the passage of time. Time is another one of those odd concepts, does it really exist? You can feel the passage of time in your bones, you can see it in the cycles of nature. Does the ticking add up to a life?

Turn to Mindfulness...

Two posts ago (see previous) I was dealing with an Angry Spirit...

Here is the late, great Thich Hhat Hanh on "mindfulness as a practical antidote to anger" ...

"The individual has to wake up to the fact that violence cannot end violence; that only understanding and compassion can neutralize violence, because with the practice of loving speech and compassionate listening we can begin to understand people and help people to remove the wrong perceptions in them, because these wrong perceptions are at the foundation of their anger, their fear, their violence, their hate.

We have to remain human in order to be able to understand and to be compassionate. You have the right to be angry, but you don’t have the right not to practice in order to transform your anger… When you notice that anger is coming up in you, you have to practice mindful breathing in order to generate the energy of mindfulness, in order to recognize your anger and embrace it tenderly so that you can bring relief into you and not to act and to say things… that can be destructive. And doing so, you can look deeply into the nature of your anger and know where it has come from." - Tich Hhat Hanh

Thin Razor...

Being here now. Alive in the moment. Not as easy as you think. There is the long and winding road we call THE PAST, and the misty, unformed mirage called THE FUTURE. We are perched on the thin razor between, the slim light of this moment right now. There's a quiet, insistent... tick, tick, tick... it appears and disappears, ungraspable. It's the bomb of living. Anything can happen here. Inhale it. Now. No, I mean right now. This... this... this... this... mo... ment...