The Unwatchable Movie.

You are in this big, sprawling movie. You came in late, and you realize you will be leaving, (not really voluntarily), before the thing ends. You are a character in the thing. For awhile, you think you are the main, leading character, but as the movie rolls out, it dawns on you that there are no lead characters, or maybe every person on the planet is a lead character, so, basically, same thing.

You are peripheral, marginal. Just one in the vast sea of faces. Then later, as you go, you begin to realize that you are even peripheral to yourself. This is kind of a paradigm-shifting insight. You are important, unique, but everything that lives is important and unique, so at the same time, not so important or unique.

And you go. You will leave. Probably at a time and place beyond your own choosing. So yes, here, and then, not here. That is the basic story.

At the core of your being is Paradox: "having seemingly contradictory qualities or phases," that is your nature, that is your true name. So who you are is sort of nebulous, a mystery too. A shadow of a shadow. A ghost of a ghost. So you live in the movie. You watch yourself, but there are no hard edges. Moment to moment is a constant shuffling. A living and dying.

It's a weird movie. Who would make such a thing? Unwatchable. Too big, too rambling. Too much thunder. Too much death. Overstuffed with life too. Weird.