Soul Searching...

Folk #1: Yes. "Grasping at straws." Trying to explain things to myself. And well, my self isn't buying it. I am a gnarly, recalcitrant, argumentative motherfucker. I can really annoy myself sometimes. Reflecting on my previous post, I realize, I have burned lots of my brain cells in the many decades of my time on the planet trying to understand Life, trying to figure out my place in the grand scheme of things, trying to take in, & do my best, to understand the grand scheme itself. Trying to figure out what can't really be figured, solving a puzzle that is ultimately unsolvable. But then again, I think, maybe understanding things is overrated, and besides the point? You know, finally, maybe I just have to get on with living, get on with experiencing the moment to moment, don't judge it,  just make it through day to day, without totally losing my shit, without becoming a callous, fucking, asshole, without lying to my self or others, without getting high on my own supply, without bullshitting myself and every last person in my orbit. Trying to be a "good person."  "A man of my word." Maybe too simple?  Not ambitious enough? But, you know, really, doing my best to not fuck up, not to hurt myself or other people, maybe that is the best this sometimes humble and sometimes not so humble pilgrim can hope to achieve in my own little lifetime? I mean, what the fuck?! And still, I wrestle with questions like: How do I get my head around living with all these cruel, stupid, soul-killing, energy-sucking creeps who live amongst us, and want to rule over us? I mean, it's a major fucking slog and vibe-killer watching, listening to & dealing with those zombie-ass, creeps. What to do with that burden? I don't rightly know. Tuning the assholes out, turning away from the carnage & mayhem, seems like a sensible & healthy thing, good for my mental health and well-being, but, then again, ignoring the over-amped, prodigiously ignorant, ravenous beast at the door doesn't seem all that smart either. It is a fucking, hairy, conundrum. How to tolerate the intolerable? How to co-exist with folks who don't give a flying fuck about anyone but themselves, folks who gladly harass, torture and kill other folks, often just for the living fuck of it?  A difficult question, no doubt about it.