Positive Thinking

I'm sitting in my favorite coffee shop, doing some reports, and next to me are two dudes doing their bible study. They are going line by line figuring out "what God thinks." Jesus, what a load of shite!

I think one of them just said, "God thinks we're all criminals. Sin makes him impatient." I think this is probably true, he must be getting really fucking impatient by now, don't you think?

Anyway, as soon as I write these words down, the two of them get up and move away and set up at another table. Could be a coincidence, or maybe a manifestation of the power of positive thinking. I didn't actually say the words out loud, but if you could read my mind, it might translate into something like this: "take that musty old book and stick it where the sun don't shine!"

Don't know why the Holy Bible pisses me off so much...maybe it's not the book, it's the interpretations and the interpreters that really gets my goat all in a lather. You look at all the horror and stupidty that religion has helped unleash upon the world, and well, I guess, put me in the camp with Richard Dawkins...

Plus, don't you think that in the Bible, the Almighty comes off like a real, Type A, power-mad asshole...? Kind of like Donald Trump on steriods? Maybe with better hair? And Jesus, well, he was a nice guy and all, probably a little too full of himself, sort of a downer, took himself way too seriously, I mean he really went out of his way to suffer, didn't he, and really, when it comes down to it, I'm with Patti Smith, "Jesus died for somebody's sins, but not mine!" I mean, instead, give me Billy Pilgrim, Yossarian, Dean Moriarty, Randle P. McMurphy, or Holden Caulfield any day.