All We Have...

"All we have is Love, All we ever had is Love."

Death crowding in from all directions...

You know it is undeniable

You can't argue with it

or reason your way out of it

It is part of the human process

part of the Universe

things live & die

transform

energy

entropy

chaos

random chance

fate

destiny

life & death

every moment

balanced on a knife's edge

what to do?

live as best we can

moment to moment

all we have is love

we must cultivate 

and honor that

love

A Feather...

Sunday morning...

a few tears this a.m.

not all because of sadness

although certainly

a few are dedicated to

the sad

but also crying

because I can

it feels good

and seems 

supremely human

my companion

greets me in the 

kitchen 

she points to a

beautiful little

feather laying at my feet

on the floor

"did that come out of you?"

we both know it once

belonged to

little lonely dragon

but I play along

"yes, I sprouted it this morning.

isn't it amazing?"

we both marvel 

at the feather I created

she exclaims:

"yes, it is amazing."

Shocked and Not Shocked...

I'm not shocked that not everyone in the world agrees with me. I'm not deluded enough to think that I hold any monopoly on truth. I am just feeling my way through a long dark, hallway, just like everyone else. If I review my permanent record, I can see that I've made lots of crazy decisions, stupid mistakes, and wasted lots of my precious time over trivialities thru the days of my life. I've made some good calls too. But you know, it's truly a mixed bag. I'm not the smartest person in world, probably not the dumbest either. I'd put myself somewhere in the great middle of the human herd.

An Earthling, a Human Being, doing my best to live a fulfilling life. 

Still, I am sometimes gobsmacked that some people don't see the world the way I see it. For instance, the vaccine. I cannot fathom why anyone would resist or refuse getting vaccinated against Covid-19. Once we got vaccinated, we were able to breathe a great sigh of relief. We joined the "community of immunity," and it felt wonderful, necessary. Lately we've been able to play music in a room with other vaccinated musicians, we dined out at one of our favorite restaurants and dropped our masks briefly to eat a fabulous Thai dinner. There is a bit of getting back to a fully engaged life once again. How could anyone not see the beauty and common sense in that reality?

How can anyone refuse to see the benefits of a vaccine? Having anti-bodies against a deadly, contagious virus? Seems like the easiest call one can imagine.

We know some hold-outs. Conspiracy-Kooks. Recalcitrant folks. In denial. Funny. Ridiculous. It is shocking. A mind is a terrible thing to waste. I am shocked, and not shocked. Human Beings truly are a Tricky Species...

Visions, Beliefs, Dreams, Nightmares, Realities...

I do believe we live in a world of signs and wonders. Science tells us that the iron in our blood and the carbon in our bones originated in stars, The Hippies told us we were "stardust," and it seems that they were correct. I mean, get your head around that, Pilgrim.

So yes, our visions, beliefs, dreams, nightmares and realities are all mixed up together, like in a damn Waring Blender. We must parse and ponder, and draw conclusions at our own peril. What to believe? How to believe? What do we base our lives upon?

These are fundamental questions. Always with us. And the answers are ever-shifting, morphing, darting out of reach like wriggling little tadpoles. So if I tell you Jerry Garcia, Captain Trips, long dead leader of the The Grateful Dead has been speaking to me lately, do you think I'm freaking Loco?

What is Jerry telling me? He made his presence felt loud and clear, a few weeks ago, when we passed thru the cemetery gates to visit a long-gone fellow traveler. The tombstone at the grave we visited has a quote from a Dead song written in script: "Fare you well, fare you well, I love you more than words can tell..."

Just before we reached the grave, the song playing on the radio was "Fire on the Mountain," Jerry was singing: "Long distance runner, what you standin' there for? Get up, get out, get out of the door, Your playin' cold music on the barroom floor, Drowned in your laughter and dead to the core, There's a dragon with matches that's loose on the town. Takes a whole pail of water just to cool him down, Fire! Fire on the mountain..."

I know, a coincidence. Right? The Universe works in mysterious ways. You say random luck, I say synchronicity. Like I said, signs and wonders. So lately I have been spinning some of my old Dead records. "Live Dead," "Live in Europe, 1972." Hearing old tunes with new ears. I hear a sparkling clarity. A light, graceful, fluid touch. Improvisation. An open-headed, open-minded-ness. A buoyancy, an urgency.  An aliveness. Sort of magical.

Anyway, no time to waste. Right? Fire on the Mountain.

Shimmering, Flickering Flash...

Yesterday, here in the heartland, there was a shimmering, flickering flash of "endless" summer. No such thing exists, of course. There is no "endless" anything. Everything ends. Summer pops up and then fades quickly around here. It was just a day; glorious, warm, sunny, perfect in every way. 

How does it happen? One day, everything in its right place; no humidity, blue sky, gorgeous blue-green water, overflowing life, flowers, trees, birds, and a flurry of human activity. And what of us? We were totally in tune, keyed into the flow. A lightness, a graceful fluidity ruled the day. We made our appointed rounds easily, with no effort. The day caressed us. It was all so validating. Life. 

It's cool this morning. A different day, a different season. That is how it goes around here, one day to the next can be so different. We carry that lightness and fluidity with us still. We hope can hang onto it, even as we know these moments, these days are like mercury, not something we can hold at all.

Not a Hipster...

Conversation in our kitchen yesterday late morning:

Me (reflecting on the previous post): "I don't think I qualify as a Hipster." 

My Companion (named after a hurricane): "No, Jammer, you are a Wild Dog."

Me: "Woof, Woof!"

Funny Sentence...

People say the Darnedest Things to Me...

Yesterday afternoon, I was cutting across the backlot behind our apartment building, a big empty jug in hand, heading over to the local micro-brewery to get it re-filled with Kombucha.  That my friend is a very Progressive, Blue Bubble-type activity.

A woman was out walking her little black dog, a Boston Terrier (his name: "Shadow"), she took one look at me and declared:

"You are the Epitome of Summer Cool." 

Yes, it's true, in my neighborhood folks often use words like: epitome.

What do you say to something like that? I smiled and muttered: "Hah!" Not exactly pithy, but it seemed to fit the scene. That is the first time in my life I have been accused of being the epitome of anything!

A Major, Major Influence...

Dylan is 80 years old today. Amazing. My Mom turned me onto Dylan...

"If my thought-dreams could be seen, they'd probably put my head in a guillotine." - Dylan

Yes. I am a Dylan-Freak. Have been ever since I went to a "folk-mass" as a little, snot-nosed kid, and found out that the song they were singing, "Blowin' in the Wind," wasn't an old folk song passed down over the ages but was written by a wafer-thin kid in 1962. Blew my mind. Then I discovered "Bringing it All Back Home," "Highway 61 Revisited" and "Blonde on Blonde."
"How does it feel?" Freaking amazing! Happy Birthday Bob!

No Syllabus...

Living. It is a teacher. No syllabus. There is an arc, a moment by moment improvisation, with luck, randomness and mystery embedded in the bones and cells of a life. It's hard to know where it's all going, there are so many of us, so many competing narratives and imperatives. There's conflict and competition and sometimes cooperation too.

Maybe best to just keep our eyes peeled, our heads and hearts open, and let it all come down. There is a flow, a big, rushing flow of life, we are in it, of it, and swimming along with it. We know it will all end sometime, but we don't know what "the end," really means. Everything is energy. Everything is transformation. Everything is everything.

Weird Math?

Some days, I

feel extremely lucky

also sometimes

not so lucky

it depends

on the day

I don't know 

why things work out

when they work out

I don't know 

why things don't work out

when they don't work out

Maybe some kind of 

weird math

or

strange alchemy

I think maybe

it's all about

vibes & chemistry

& barometric pressure

& expectations

& perceptions

& dreams & realities

& random access memories

Yes, Super-Precious...

News of a death

and deaths
near and far

a reminder

do we need 

another 

reminder

that life is 

super-precious

can't hold on

can't hold out

can't stop the

spinning of the 

planet

still need to do

the things we do

empty the dishwasher

brush our teeth

make our appointed rounds

better to

grab a sunbeam

inhale a flower

ride a cloud

hold the lightning

in our hearts

tears streaming

down

Elevator Going Up!

A conversation on a sidewalk in my neighborhood yesterday afternoon. 

A Nice, Well-Dressed, Worldly, Sophisticated-looking Man, slightly older than I, looking me up and down, from head to toe, like a hungry cat sizing up a little birdie as it's next meal or plaything:

"I used to teach at the Art Institute. You are the kind of person I would often see in the elevator."

Me, lost in the funhouse of my own head, thinking to myself: "The Elevator Man?!"

Funny Things...

It's funny. 

If you find yourself close to "the street," you are more grounded. Gravity holds. Paying attention to the little things: one step, one step, one step. I find that wearing heavy boots is helpful. Yes, since they are heavy, it takes a bit more effort walking around, but heavy boots give you a solid foundation. Less falling, tripping, twisting ankles. I can testify from "real-world" experience a good pair of boots is a solid investment.

It's funny. 

The lower you are on the totem pole, the closer to the ground, the less shit you have to put up with. I find that I can pretty much "be my own boss." Do what I want to do, and not do what I don't want to do. I work harder physically, in my low-level, low-paid occupation, but I do not have to suffer fools. I can earn an honest buck, and feel good about what I do without having to tolerate the intolerable.

It's funny. 

You have to have a bit of an "ego" to do pretty much anything. But to do anything really, really well, I think it's clear you need to "drop the ego." I think this holds in business, in creative pursuits, in relationships, etc. It's another one of those funny human things. To make a mark, you have to make a move, you must think you can do something, but then, the best of the best of the doing is when you find out it's not about you. You give yourself up to what you are doing.

It's funny.

A Wave...

She said to me: "Your body is a wave."

I replied: "Hmmm..."

She continued: "The wave is a gentle wave, it flows from side to side. It's inside you; moving depending on how you move."

I had never heard anything like that before, but it sounded true to me, true to my experience. I know my heart beats, and that my blood flows thru my arteries and veins. Sometimes I can feel the beat and the flow, sometimes I can feel and hear the thumping and the flowing. Sometimes I can't hear or feel, I'm listening to, and feeling, other things.

I know when I meditate I can minimize the wave, I can slow down the beat, I can control the flow. Those are times of rest, contemplation, grace and beauty. And then there are times I lose control. I'm like an electrified monkey; jumping around, flopping, slipping, sliding, sloshing around. I lose my bearings. It happens often out in the world, especially when confronted with other human beings.

I may not show it. But you know, as they say, "still waters run deep."

Sunday Communion...

Communion...

Sunday afternoon. Free. I put my super-cool, high-fidelity headphones, pop a CD into my Walkman, sprawl out on the bed, and let the music flow. It's almost a religious experience. Not just "listening to music," I am wrapping myself in the deep vibrations of a recording, submerging myself into another reality, a total sonic landscape. This is not entertainment. It is nourishment. Enlightenment.  Close-listening taken to the extreme. 

My choices seem significant to me. There is a story in the choices.

I started with Nick Cave and Bad Seeds' "Murder Ballads" (1996) Dark stuff. Gothic. I think of Edgar Allan Poe. Nick is a dark balladeer, reveling in the gruesome details of murder, betrayal, bad blood, bad acts, the conflicted human heart. Nick and band are having so much fun.

I fell asleep (how is that possible?), after the 3rd track, Nick's duet with PJ Harvey on "Henry Lee." I didn't wake up until the final song on the album, Dylan's "Death is Not the End:" 

"Oh, the tree of life is growing

Where the spirit never dies

And the bright light of salvation shines

In dark and empty skies"

There is a message there. It comes in loud and clear.

The next CD I put in the walkman was The Flaming Lips' "Embryonic" (2009). Weird. Unique. This records sounds like nothing else. A sprawling double-album, some kind of a stone-cold masterpiece. These Okie Freaks are on a journey of discovery, mining the weirdness for all its worth.

I stayed awake for the whole record. All the lyrics resonate. One of my favorites, "The Sparrow Looks Up at the Machine:"   

"What

What does it mean

To dream what you dream

To believe what you've seen?

Why

Why do we feel

To try to find real

Underneath a machine?

What

What does it mean

To dream what you dream

To believe what you've seen?

Why

Why do we feel

To try to find real

Just to meet the machine

To meet the machine" 

Like the Clay People Emerging...

"Vaccine Hesitancy."

I Don't Understand It.

"Anti-Vax Sentiment."

Nope. Don't get that either.

Did you ever come down with Polio? Me neither. 

Polio Elimination in the United States. "Thanks to a successful vaccination program, the United States has been polio-free since 1979." That's just one good example of what a vaccine can do for the Human Herd. 

The last few days around my town there is a real feeling of optimism and sunshine. Seems most of the folks in my Progressive Blue Bubble are now fully vaxxed. Things are loosening & opening up. Folks are out and about, outdoor dining, hanging at the local micro-brewery, active on the paths and walkways. Folks have their masks handy, but now we are starting to feel confident and safe around other folks who have been vaccinated and we are letting our masks, and guards, down.

We are like the Clay People from the Valley of Desolation, emerging from our caves, emerging from the walls out into the sunlight. We have lately seen folks who we haven't seen in over a year. Amazing. Lots of smiles and tentative hugs. 

We know that the pandemic is not over. There will be spikes and there are malicious variants loose on the planet. We hope our Blue Bubble continues to be a safe bubble. We hope the rest of the Human Herd joins the Community of Immunity. It would be nice to leave Covid-19 behind and move forward into a Brave New Reality.

Keeping Up With the Neighbors.

Folks flaunting their wealth. 

It is a thing. In our neighborhood, the closer you get to the lake, the bigger, more elaborate, gaudy and frankly mind-boggling are some of the residences. I've have been to a few, up close and personal. By no imaginative leap can I come up with a reasonable way that I could own and live in one of these places. Unimaginable wealth.

How can anyone afford some of these places? I have no idea.

Me and mine? Hell. We come from a long line of working stiffs.  Folks just trying to make it, day to day. Nothing to be ashamed of. My reality is about scraping by, paycheck to paycheck. Counting pennies. Slogging thru, and somehow, maintaining. Happy to have a roof over our heads and a good meal in our future.

We live in an incredibly wealthy neighborhood, but we are on the margins, marginal characters. We don't really belong here, we are lucky to be hangers on. Yesterday, I met a person who really, really wants to impress the neighbors. He's built an enormous place, he's a loud-talker, a "big man." No doubt.

It was funny. I  played the humble guy, just doing a job. The "big man" did his thing: flaunting, boasting, talking down the neighbors. So transparent. A bit silly. And pointless. It must be a full-time job just being the big man. Not for everyone. I am happy to walk the humble path.

Serpentine, You Lusty Old Goat!

The scriptwriters over here seem to be frantically working overtime. I thought the script was going one way, and well, there has been a late rewrite.  Funny. That is the way the story goes. Not sure if I am stuck in a rollicking comedy with tragic undertones, or a full-blown tragedy with comedic overtones. Or maybe something in between? A road-movie short on grand adventures, with no roads, no cars and lots of walking, talking, eating and kibitzing?

Two classic movie scenes resonate in my head this morning...

The first scene is from "The In-Laws" (1979), I see Peter Falk and Alan Arkin running thru a parking lot, seemingly evading an imagined sniper's bullets. I think it is Falk's CIA agent character who shouts: "Serpentine! Serpentine!"

Right. The crooked path. Sometimes it is the only way to survive.

The second scene is from "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre" (1948). One of the all time great movies. I see Walter Huston dancing around in the dust like a crazy, lusty, drunken old goat. He is laughing his ass off, because "the treasure," the gold that has been the deep obsession consuming the characters in the film for so long, thru greed, death and bad blood, has blown to the four winds. 

Sometimes the fragility and futility of the Human Thing is pretty damn funny.  Serpentine, you Lusty Old Goat! All that glitters is not gold.

A Phrase...

You hear a phrase on the radio this a.m and you just can't shake it. You think, it defines pretty much our human condition. It's a bit ridiculous, frivolous, but super-pervasive and all-consuming.

"Whack a Mole:" "The term "Whac-a-mole" (or "Whack-a-mole") is used colloquially to depict a situation characterized by a series of repetitious and futile tasks, where the successful completion of one just yields another popping up elsewhere."

Right. "Repetitious and futile tasks." See the "Myth of Sisyphus." It's whack a mole all over the planet.  Roll that boulder, Mr. Sisyphus.

Stories...

We are left with stories. Stories we tell ourselves, about ourselves, and about others. It's really the only way to "make sense" of our lives. Everyone has a story. There is the grand over-arching narrative, and then, there are all the individual narratives. Billions, upon billions of narratives. Uncountable billions. Some of these stories fold into each other, some of them majorly conflict with each other. 

Every one of us has a story, and it always starts like this: "Once upon a time..."

Take it from there.

Two-Headed Boy...

You realize...

History = Biography 

Biography = Psychology

It is all in our heads. And what a twisted web inside that deep, dark cavern. Yes, "people are tricky, no doubt." I should know, I am one of them.

This morning I awake with that Neutral Milk Hotel song "Two-Headed Boy" running thru my head. The singer, singing the song about a two-headed boy, is also a two-headed boy, and the listener, listening to the song is a two-headed boy too. 2 x 2 x 2 = Human Conundrum.

Two heads. Always of two (at least) minds. Twisted. Contradictory. Complicated.

Sure, it's a great song, a great record, "In the Aeroplane Over the Sea"(1998). One of the amazing records I have totally, madly & deeply delved into and lived with over the last year. A strange, wonderful, wild, raw and exhilarating blast of creativity. A shiny, spiky, uncommon beast. A carnival side-show of a record. A bit of a two-headed boy itself.

"Two-headed boy

All floating in glass

The sun it has passed, now it's blacker than black

I can hear as you tap on your jar

I am listening to hear where you are

I am listening to hear where you are

Two-headed boy

Put on Sunday shoes

And dance 'round the room to accordion keys

With the needle that sings in your heart

Catching signals that sound in the dark

Catching signals that sound in the dark

We will take off our clothes

And they'll be placing fingers through the notches in your spine

And when all is breaking everything that you could keep inside

Now your eyes ain't moving now, they just lay there in their climb

Two-headed boy

With pulleys and weights

Creating a radio play just for two

In the parlor with a moon across her face

And through the music he sweetly displays

Silver speakers that sparkle all day

Made for his lover who's floating

And choking with her hands across her face

And in the dark we will take off our clothes

And they'll be placing fingers through the notches in your spine

And when all is breaking everything that you could keep inside

Now your eyes ain't moving now, they just lay there in their climb

Two-headed boy

There's no reason to grieve

The world that you need is wrapped in gold silver sleeves

Left beneath Christmas trees in the snow

And I will take you and leave you alone

Watching spirals of white softly flow

Over your eyelids and all you did

Will wait until the point when you let go"

- Jeff Mangum

What if you...

What if you don't...

... take the bait

... push the button

... react on a hair-trigger

... come back with a snappy answer

... rise to the fight

What if you do...

... still your mind

... right yourself

... take a deep breath

... count to ten

... be silent

Sometimes, maybe it is best to walk away. To swallow your pride. To be gentle, be kind, move on.

The a.m. soundtrack - "Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart: Piano Concertos I with Keith Jarrett, StuttGarter KammerOrchester, Denis Russell Davies" (1996) Beautiful. Powerful. Soothing. Enlightening. I don't play Classical music enough.  Perfect for a "melt-down" Monday. Maybe no melt-down today? Ease into the week.

Supremely Extraordinary...

I play guitar but I don't really consider myself a "musician." I have often been paid to play, but I don't consider myself a "professional." I write songs, but I don't really consider myself a "songwriter." I sing but, really, come on, I'm not much of a "singer." I write, but not a "writer." I read and write poems, but not really a "poet."

So what am I doing? Creating. Conjuring. Trying to create a bit of magic. Do you believe in magic?

A couple of nighst ago (see previous post),  we were finally in a room with other musicians, getting back to being a band, playing music together. It's hard to talk about, hard to describe how amazing it is to create vibrations together, how healing that is, how important it is to our lives, how fulfilling it is to share that experience with others.

It's a little bubble, a sort of dream-state. A shared dream. We create and conjure. We listen to each other. We are playing songs together, but it's not really about the songs, the songs are just a vehicle, a platform, a launching pad, to get to something else.

It's not an ego thing. It's a drop your ego thing. You get in the room together and are trying to "transcend," to get to another state. To create a vibration that is bigger than any one individual. A collective energy. Our band is amazing. Fabulous musicians, they all listen, they take care to find their place in the spectrum of sound, no one is over-bearing, or trying too hard. Everyone just brings it.

So it's amazing how quickly we can transform the vibe of the room. It's emotional, it's spiritual, it's transcendental. Kind of trippy, hippy-dippy, really, and that's ok. It's what we do. What we love to do. We have really, totally, madly missed it. But now, we are back at it.

We do think it's important. So important, so essential. Certainly for us, those who are doing it, it is one of the essential reasons to be alive on the planet. And hopefully we can create a dream-bubble of possibility for others too. Who knows? Sometimes it flies, sometimes it doesn't, but when it does it is supremely extraordinary.

The Upside of Being Fully Vaxxed...

Ha. We are fully vaxxed, and feeling positive about getting back to a few essential activities we haven't been able to do in over a year. 

The upside of being "super-covid-militant," is that we didn't get sick and die due to the global pandemic. The downside, we gave up most of our social activities. Probably the deepest, hardest cut: we gave up playing music with our band in rehearsals and out in the wider world.

Last night, we finally had a session at our rehearsal studio with a few other players. It was magnificent. We were all over-joyed to make a beautiful noise together. All of us vaxxed and breathing easily. So life-affirming. 

Funny. We lost one of our band members in the course of this pandemic, no, not to illness, but to the conspiracy-craziness rampant thru the human herd. One of our members refuses to be vaccinated. He rails about "Evil Big Pharma." Hilarious. Ridiculous. He is now a former member of our band. That's how it happens. Sometimes in just a blink of an eye.

It actually feels good to close that door. And funny enough, another door, another player magically appeared. Feels like a renewal of our band and music.

We also bumped up against another crazy person. Seems one of the other folks who occasionally uses the studio space is a full-blown Q-Anon nut job. She believes that the vaccine is a global plot, that Joe Biden and Kamala Harris are dead, and that body-doubles are running the government. Yikes. What can you say?

A mind is a terrible thing to waste. No doubt. So glad we are living in a certain reality where common sense, logic and gravity still exist. Plus, now we can play music once again with other musicians in a room together. Magnificent!

Turns...

You think it's all going one way, and then, another unanticipated turn. Yes. That's life. I haven't been able to plan or game it out. It seems to roll out according to its own whims or some strange, unknowable, internal logic. Although I am not one of those who believes the Universe needs to be logical. It is all some grand adventure, even when events of the day are not all that adventurous. That's life. It rolls out and what are you gonna do?

The Golden Light...

Clear your space, find the calm center, let all your fears, worries, doubts, and uncertainties fall away, and you will find the world knocking at your door, everyone and their brother will be fighting to get in. Silence is golden, but the forces of babble and idiocy will contend for that precious golden light. It is a unique and powerful thing to possess.

It is easy to be the Wise Being meditating on the mountaintop, surrounded by the little birdies, under a big blue sky, with all the flora and fauna frolicking around. Sure, up there on the lonely mountaintop you can find peace and calm. But what about in the middle of the maelstrom? What about in the madding crowd, on the subway, in your day to day swirl and hurly, burly?

Finding peace, calm and the golden light in the middle of the chaos? That is the trick. Try that on for size sweet Pilgrim.

What Of...

What of the fools, the charlatans, the toxic, obnoxious blow-hards, the scalawags, the scumbags, the retro-grade thinkers, the conservative hooligans, the white-supremacist, brain-challenged, mouth-breathers, the naysayers, the assholes, the always pessimistic doomsayers, the dark cloud merchants, the cheaters, the liars, the evil-doers, the faux-patriots, the rabbit-hole gamers, the loony conspiracy-theory propagators, the disinformation experts, the propagandists, the holier-than-thou fake preachers, the holy-moly crowd, the low-rent televangelists, the unashamed raping, pillaging capitalists, the pretenders, the big-monkey-man dictators, the small-minded know-it-alls, the stupid ones, the climate-change deniers, the anti-science, anti-vax, anti-logic, anti-reason, anti-common-sense morons, the fast-food pillagers, the cheapskates, the scammers, the MAGA-Hatted creeps, the no-nothings-who-know-everything, the loud-talkers, the table-pounders, the talk-radio chatters, the brain-dead-talk-radio-listeners?

Plus... etc. I mean, well, (I know this isn't supreme empathy in action, but...) fuck... them... all...

Postscript: Ok, for those of you who ask, "Come on, Jimmy, can't you show a bit of empathy and compassion for these folks?"  I say, "Ha, ha!" 

I give you a paraphrase of a quote from that Revolutionary-for Love, that Rabble-Rousing Rabbi, that long-haired commune dweller, who liked to kibbutz & debauch on wine & sushi, with fishermen and prostitutes, that hard working fish and loaves monger: Jesus H. Christ...

"FORGIVE THEM LORD FOR THOSE cretinous human beings, full of lies, BLOATED egos, toxic bullshit, bad blood, and willful misdirection DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY DO..."

Words of Wisdom...

If my older self (me now) was giving advice to my younger self (me then), what would I say?

My hard-earned words of wisdom...

1. Do the hard things first. No sense putting things off. What is the hard thing you don't want to do? Do it. Do it first, when you have energy. Do it now. Get it over with. 

2. Do one thing at a time. Do not multi-task. It's a loser's game. Do one thing. Do it well. Concentrate. Focus. One thing now. Then move onto the next thing.

3. Do your chores. You can make doing chores a game. Make doing chores fun. Mopping the floor? Put on your favorite rock and roll CD on the box and rock out.

4. Learn how to type. This is a skill you will use often. Learn how to type without having to look down at the keyboard. It's amazing. You can do it. You can master it. Your fingers will fly over the keyboard. You will type amazing things. Really.

5. Reading. Learn to love to read. Totally empowering. Totally enriching. A superpower. It will transform your life. Builds character. Broadens your mind. Feeds your imagination and soul.

6. Meditate. Learn how to meditate. Doesn't matter what kind of meditation. TM, ZEN, Creative Visualization, Mantra. Sit quietly and breathe. Deeply. Do it every day. Make it a ritual. Find the calm center. The center of your being is a safe place. It is liberating.

7. Find the things you love to do. Do them. Lose yourself in the things you love to do. Doesn't really matter what those things are, as long as they are healthy, fun, life-affirming activities. Those are easy to find.

8. Choose your poisons carefully. I am thinking especially of drugging and drinking. Be super-careful. I'm not saying don't indulge, but just know that this is an incredibly slippery slope. The best indulgences: coffee, chocolate, frozen yogurt. Remember, fun isn't always what it's cracked up to be. You will find that clear consciousness and total clarity can be an incredibly rewarding high. 

9. Every step counts. Actually, not only every step, everything counts. Take care. Be humble. Understand that the world is a complicated place, and you don't know what you don't know. 

10. Laugh more. Fret less. You know, kind of like that Bobby McFerrin song: "Don't worry, be happy." Even though there is a Universe of worries,  and you will find yourself worrying, don't take it all so personally. Make the best of it. Laugh often. Really.  I mean it.

Vast Pools...

The Universe - Enormous. Ever-expanding. Contains everything.

Human Beings - Tiny. Temporary. A small slice of consciousness and being in the bigger pie of consciousness and being.

Fears, Worries, Doubts.  Do these feelings/emotions exist in the Universe, or in Human Beings only?

I mean, are fears, worries, and doubts generated by Humans? Do we project them onto the Universe? Or are we tapping into vast pools of emotion? Are we transmitters, or receivers? Or both? Or neither?

I want to know. I don't know. 

I started thinking that it would be cool to be able to drop the fear, the worry, the doubt, and just BE. Be alive, aware, awake armed with clear consciousness. To perceive, to wonder, to act clearly, and cleanly with out any "hitch in our giddy-up." I know it's a Zen idea, but what if we can know and do for real, all the time, in the moments of our lives?

If there is a vast pool of fear, maybe better to drop the fear?

If there is a vast pool of worry, maybe better drop the worry?

If there is a vast pool of doubt, maybe better to drop the doubt?

The Universe just is.  Maybe we can act as if we are too?

A Tenative Step into a Post-Covid Reality...

Yesterday. Sunny & warm. 

We took what seemed like an important, significant, and tentative step into a post-covid reality. We rented a car and drove out to visit family, you know the people we grew up with, have shared large swaths of experience with; flesh of our flesh, blood of our blood. We are all unique individuals now, with separate lives. We've been away from each other for a long time due to the anxiety-fueled ordeal of the global pandemic lockdown.

Five of us gathered together. All of us vaxxed and healthy. We celebrated that fact with a pizza party and an outdoor music jamboree. We were able to hug, and touch, and high-five and pull down our masks and smile. So liberating. So much fun. There was a palpable joy in the air. A bubble of love surrounded us. The pizza was phenomenal,  playing music was engaging and enriching.

It is amazing what we take for granted. Sometimes you have to lose, or be denied, something to really, really appreciate it. So, yes, just to be together was pretty amazing. Joyous. It was long, fruitful day. Unlike many of our days over this last year. Special. Different. Life-affirming. Post-covid. I highly recommend it: a simple, easy to get vaccine is life-changing at a truly fundamental level. Definitely worth it.

Oh Humans... Please Do Better...

Yes. It's true. "The Most Dangerous Animal in the World." 

We are those "clever monkeys" who think they have it all figured out. A "tricky" species, no doubt, capable of tremendous creativity & love and also maximum bad will, destruction and stupidity.

A little humility would be nice. A little benevolent caretaking over all flora, fauna, all the pretty creatures, would be good. We are on the precipice of complete destruction of the interconnected web of life that nurtures and supports our existence. It would be such a waste of a species if we continue down the path of total eco-murder. 

Come on Humans. We can do so much better...