"This Crumbling Pageant" - I. Kant

I fell into an emotional "cul de sac" yesterday afternoon. I have one of those jobs that sometimes doesn't feel like a job, or instead, feels like a job with no purpose, no trajectory. I end up talking to people who don't really want to talk to me. We end up talking about what we don't want to talk about: what didn't happen, or what's not going to happen. We end up in a kabuki dance around the truth: in our hearts we know what we are talking about is meaningless, pointless, but we talk as if there is a point, a purpose, and we really care. This describes much of our human experience. I guess it's important to find a zen aspect in the pursuit of futility. Instead of pursuing futility, maybe we should just let it come to us. If we practice complete futility, maybe there, within the complete lack of meaning, we find the little nugget of a truth that we can stake our lives upon. Then again, maybe not.