Wake up speaking Latin (see previous post), and really, well, I don't speak Latin. I mean, in some ways speaking Latin would sort of be like "speaking in tongues," or speaking in dead languages. It did set the tone for the day. I walked around thinking "through my own fault." It was my mantra for the day. It also sent me into a mental tailspin.
You think you know yourself. You think you "know where you're coming from," but maybe not really. My brain was formed, marinated, or pickled in Catholic grade school. I remember my Grandmother saying her prayers, ticking through her rosary. I am sure I heard her whispering "Mea Culpa" somewhere in the distant past. Makes me think I'm still much more "Catholic" than I think. Even though I have lived much more in a Zen/Pagan way.
Why would that phrase percolate up? Why would that phrase be on my lips? What kind of wacky, disturbing dreams would lead me to such a state? Who knows? Can't conjure it all up. So this morning, I'm back to it, looking up "Mea Culpa," maybe there is an answer to be found.
"The phrase originates in the Confiteor which is a part of the Catholic Mass where sinners acknowledge their failings before God. Confiteor translates as 'I confess'. It has a long history of use in English and was used by Chaucer in his Troylusas early as 1374:
"Now, mea culpa, lord! I me repente."
To emphasize the point the phrase is sometimes strengthened to 'mea maxima culpa' - literally 'my most grievous fault'. This also has longstanding use, as here in Watson's Decacordon, 1604:
"Shall lay their hands a little heavier on their hearts with Mea maxima culpa."
The Confiteor uses both 'mea culpa' and 'mea maxima culpa'.
In Latin:
Confiteor Deo omnipotenti,
beatæ Mariæ semper Virgini,
beato Michæli Archangelo,
beato Ioanni Baptistæ,
sanctis Apostolis Petro et Paulo,
omnibus Sanctis, et vobis, fratres (et tibi pater),
quia peccavi
nimis cogitatione, verbo et opere:
mea culpa,
mea culpa,
mea maxima culpa.
Ideo precor beatam Mariam
semper Virginem,
beatum Michælem Archangelum,
beatum Ioannem Baptistam,
sanctos Apostolos Petrum et Paulum,
omnes Sanctos, et vos, fratres (et te, pater),
orare pro me ad Dominum Deum nostrum.
Amen.
... and in English:
I confess to Almighty God,
to blessed Mary ever Virgin,
to blessed Michael, the Archangel,
to blessed John the Baptist,
to the holy Apostles Peter and Paul,
to all the Saints and to you, brothers (and to you Father),
that I have sinned exceedingly,
in thought, word and deed:
through my fault,
through my fault,
through my most grievous fault.
Therefore I beseech the blessed Mary,
ever Virgin,
blessed Michael the Archangel,
blessed John the Baptist,
the holy Apostles Peter and Paul,
all the Saints, and you, Father,
to pray to the Lord our God for me.
Amen.