Chris Cornell - 1964 - 2017
You read about someone ending their life early. Intentionally. And it sends you into a mini-existential crisis. You always admired the man. Loved his voice, his charisma, his talent, energy. Your highest compliment: He was a cool guy. A super-cool guy.
Of course, you never knew him. Didn't know what was really in his head and heart. You based all of your feelings about him on things you saw on TV, in documentaries, in articles, and his music. You were always impressed with the image he projected.
You realize, of course, that that wasn't the whole story. Not really. You knew he was just another human being with faults, flaws, guilt, problems, addictions, worries, doubts, failures and baggage, but you figured he was one of those who transcended. He did the work. The creative work. And he was wildly successful. He was an inspiration. This can be done!
So yes, it's strange. Someone younger, more successful, more talented, more lauded & rewarded, than you, decides to off himself. It is kind of unimaginable. Or maybe it's not unimaginable, maybe it's very much imaginable, but so, so contrary to everything you think and believe.
And maybe it's the mundane, day to day words, his last words, that are especially haunting: "I'm just so tired." You've said those same words yourself. Many, many times. The tiredness is sometimes physical, sometimes mental, sometimes spiritual. Sometimes it's a soul thing.
But somehow you have always figured that tomorrow will be better. A better day. You will get some rest. You will bounce. Maybe it will be sunny tomorrow? Maybe something amazing will happen? Maybe everything will work out for the best? Maybe. Just maybe. Something. Will. Turn. Up.
There's always that hope. For something. For the next moment. And that hope, that belief in the next moment possibly being better than the last one, gets you to the next breath and the next one after that.
So yes. You know it's all a delicate balance. A dance. Of thoughts, feelings, beliefs, chemicals. We are a boiling caldron of elements. You hang in. You live. Decide. To live. You love life. You love consciousness. Clear consciousness. And you want everyone else to get the message too. Life is precious. And full of possibilities. And Love. Yes. It's worth it to get to the next moment. For sure.