No One's Role Model

"Yes, well, I don't recommend you do what I do.  I don't even recommend that I do what I do. I mean no one should eat the way I eat. And no one should sleep the way I sleep. And I don't recommend spending your time in your waking hours the way I spend my time in my waking  hours.  I am no one's role model.  Not even mine. I mean, I do what I do, and I'm not apologizing for what I do, but it's not a recommended way to live.  You wouldn't plan it, or dream it this way, I know I didn't. I don't know who to hold accountable.  Besides me. So yes, I hold myself accountable.  I'm the only one here. And I have wonder what the hell I was thinking.  Was I thinking? This all seems like some weird assignment given to me by a real Joker.  A Joker with a strange sense of humor. I suspect the Joker is me. I might find it all funny, I mean, sometimes I do find it all funny, in an existentially unfunny kind of way.  I think of Samuel Beckett.  Did he write this script? Did I dream myself into a Beckett play? Do I see myself as the Beckett of my own existence? The jokes on me. I laugh. Laughing is necessary, but not necessarily recommended. Yes, laughter makes up for all kinds of life's maladies. Still not recommended! Go make up your own existence!"