Thursday, October 31, 2024

The Doris Day Moment...

Finally, you just let go the wheel. See what comes down. There is a point, a moment along the road, that you fly past, and then it's all pure ZEN. All that needing, wanting, grasping vanishes in an instant, and a certain calm clarity bubbles up. What will be will be. Let's call it the Doris Day moment. It's an acceptance, and an expectation. You hope you did everything you could do to make the moment count, but at same time you know there is so much that is firmly out of your control. The future is unwritten. You plunge forward, into a place of darkness and light. You wonder: What now?!

Wednesday, October 30, 2024

Refreshing. Renewing. Great Speech.

Kamala Harris' speech in Washington D.C. was a barn-burner. I mean that in good way; super-exicitng, glorious, intelligently-spoken words. Refreshing. What is she selling to the American people? Hope, optimism, a better day, intelligence, competance, responsibility, good government, empathy, compassion, hard work, diligence, freedom, prosperity, community, rule of law, democracy, good judgement, character, good cheer, joy. Yep. It's a pretty all-encompassing package. I, for one, find it completely compelling & irresistible. The alternative is not even conceivable, or in the realm of possibility to me. I think, I hope, and pray, that our "better angels" will bring us into a new era. A vibrant, lively, wonderful woman of color, kicks open the door, and renews our bonds to this great Democratic experiment we call USA. I mean, fuck, are you kidding me? Of course, the obvious, beautiful, life-affirming choice: Harris/Walz.

Tuesday, October 29, 2024

Easy to Sow Division, Harder to Build Bridges...

Early in our acting careers, well, you know, maybe not careers, more like in our "adventures in acting,"  a jaunt in the field of "theatrical," we learned that doing the big flashy angry scenes and monologues were so much easier than the quiet, internal, vulnerable scenes. Easy to show anger, so much harder to show sadness, loss, empathy and compassion. The really good actors could reach deep down into their reservoir and show the full range of human emotion. Being vulnerable, sad, giving, and quiet was much more powerful than walking around yelling and screaming.

Off stage it's also so much easier to sow division, hate, and tearing down others, than it is to build up, find solutions, and offer a helping hand. 

All of my "creative heroes," have made things: movies, books, songs, paintings, poems. I truly value the creatives. Sometimes my favorites will delve into the darkness, but just by going there it is an affirmation. It takes a certain creative fire and optimism to create anything.

So yeah, then there's politics, just another human manifestation of energy. There are the angry ones who want to tear down other folks, want to fan the flames of divsion, sow chaos, and discord. It's a tool and strategy that has worked in many realms, many countries, over many centuries.

Then there are those who are trying to fix and build things. Offer policies, try to build coalitions, offer a helping hand, trying to raise us all up. Bringing people together. Trying to build a more perfect union. Look to a better day. It's harder. Really difficult. Takes a special kind of human. Takes vision, compassion, empathy, and dedication to work. And it often falls short of the mark. Especially in a Democracy. Democracy is messy.  But really, these more optimistic ones are the folks who have our hearts and souls with them. For instance: Harris/Walz for America.

Monday, October 28, 2024

One Core Truth: Racist/Nazi...

The man who spews more lies than you can count; a river, a hurricane, a tsunami of lies every time he opens his mouth. BUT, there is one truth that always emerges, the one key truth in advertising. The Orange Toxic Clown is a dyed-in-the-wool racist, and in the late stages of his campaign, he has decided to go into FULL NAZI mode. Hah. At least at his core he is really being honest: Fulltime Racist/Nazi. 

I don't think that is America. I mean, it's a sub-current in our country, and the history of our country, but it is not the full story. Most of us know that we need to be open, inclusive, and supportive of a more progressive mode of politics and life. The darkness will not abide. I mean that's the optimist (see previous post), in me speaking, but in my core-being I do believe we will leave this shite behind and enter a new era of hope, good govermnent and repsonsibility. Harris/Walz for America.

Sunday, October 27, 2024

Optimistic? Sure...

Yes. I am an optimist. No doubt. Ok. Maybe I do have doubts about pretty much everything. Maybe, probably, having doubts, hedging your bets is the intelligent way to go? There is no certainty, except maybe uncertainty. But when push comes to shove, I lean to the Light. What's the harm? Being optimistic, saying yes, and why not, and sure,  and being open, and opening doors and windows to new experiences. What if I'm wrong? Oh well. Keep plowing forward, right? Being pessimistic seems so nullifying. It seems like an abidication, a turning away from a full-fledged life. "Why get up?" Because, it could be a wonderful day...

Saturday, October 26, 2024

Democracy Dies in the Boardroom.

Income Inequality is killing America. Yes. It seems the Billionaires are siding with and embodying Fascism. Bezos, Musk, and of course, Trump, the prime examples. The Washington Post Editorial Board was planning on endorsing Kamala Harris for President. The obvious choice for Democracy, Good Government & American Freedom. The owner, Bezos spiked it.  Of course, the Washington Post is a storied and gloried institution. It was their young reporters, Woodward & Bernstein, back in the 70's, who brought the Watergate Scandal to the world's attention. Stunning capitulation to the specter of Fascism in USA.  A non-endorsement is an abdication to the Bully. The $ are siding with the $ against Democracy.  What's the WaPo motto: Democracy Dies in Darkenss? No. Democracy Dies in Cowardice & the Board Room. Of course, I am an Optimist.  I mean, shite, what's the alternative? So, actually this isn't the death knell for our Democracy, no, it's a death knell for the Washington Post. The billionaires are badly out-numbered. They are not necessarily good or smart people. They just happen to have lots of accumulated wealth. Their loyalty is only to $. We will outvote them. Harris/Walz for America.

Friday, October 25, 2024

The Trickiness of Human...

One of my go-to themes: Human Beings are Tricky. It's a good one, validated every day. I mean, being human myself, I too embody this essential trickiness. You know the "pot calling the kettle black."

Throw in youth, or hormones, or drugs, or excessive amounts, or alternatively steep lack of $, and all kinds of mischief and mayhem can occur. Humans get weird super-easy. Too much time on their hands, too much of everything, or not enough of everything, can easily twist and twerk a psyche.

We are the species that has a very wide spectrum of traits. Think of the worst acts imaginable: Human. Think of the finest acts imaginable: Human. It's truly our cross. We are all crucified on the tree of deep contradiction and trickiness. Yes, indeed.

Thursday, October 24, 2024

The Glorious Thing...

We ran thru songs with an incredible musician last night. Getting ready for a big show next week. Just three of us, acoustic guitar, double-bass and percussion. Two voices, male & female. Our own original compositions. Our own hard-earned truths embodied in lyrics and music. It was intense. Focused. Gratifying. It is truly the good work. Pure creative pursuit. It is the thing we love to do more than anything else. Soul-enriching for sure. We have created a large body of work. Getting it out into world is a whole nother thing. But the process, the creating, the melding different vibrations and energies together in a room. That's the glorious thing. 

Wednesday, October 23, 2024

I Took It Down...

I took it down...

Yesterday morning, walking down the sidewalk with a furry, four-legged beast. We noticed a Trump/Vance sign on the parkway fronting a massive lakefront mansion. It was an ugly, uncommon sight. I didn't think twice, I walked up to it and took it down. I looked up, the owner of the mansion came running towards me. Uh-oh. Funny. He smiled and thanked me. He told me that someone must have put the sign up as a joke. He was just about to leave town on vacation. He picked up the sign and tore it in half. "I'd never vote for or support that disgrace of human being." Hah. That's my hood. Happily alive in a progressive, blue-bubble.

Tuesday, October 22, 2024

It Felt SO GOOD!!!

Early voting commenced in our little, blue-bubble neighborhood yesterday. A gloriously sunny, blue-sky day. We gathered our wits together and biked across town to the Civic Center. The bike ride alone was a fabulous adventure. The streets were alive with activity, sunbeams glancing off every window. The lake was blue & shimmering. The trees and grasses looked happy. We just couldn't wait to cast our votes for Harris/Walz, and for Democrats up and down the ballot. We weren't the only ones chomping at the bit to do our very important duty as full-fledged members of USA. The voting place was jumping. Folks were streaming in from all directions. Long lines. Lots of smiles. It did feel like a celebration. There were no Trump signs, no Republican signs either. Anyway, it felt so damn good to vote for Kamala and Tim. After we submitted our ballots, a flood of positive energy flowed through our bodies. There was an electric zap of enthusiasm emanating from the crowd. Funny. One very old, wizened, scarecrow man, an old codger, came walking down the hall after voting, he wore a beat up old baseball cap. The words on the cap: "I like Ike." Ha. Thinking he probably didn't vote for the Dems, one man against the crowd, but who knows?! Ike and his brand of politics, is many decades, many felonies, and  public outrages from the toxic, orange, cess-pool of a candidate that is running this time around. A stark choice. No doubt.

Monday, October 21, 2024

Knowing & Not Knowing...

Ask someone something knowing there is no right answer, because it's something in the Future, and the Future is unwrttien, well, what do you get? Whatever that someone says will be their fears, their worries, their doubts, their hopes, their blind optimism, their off the wall guesses, their ignorance (or intelligence), their total or not so total unknowingness. So, you know, it's a bit of a futile exercise when it comes to what's actually gonna happen in the Future, but it is a very fruitful exercise if you want to know what's going on in that particular someone's internal world.

Sunday, October 20, 2024

The Junk Phase of the Campaign...

Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. I mean, often that is the case. Turns out lots of the trippiest fiction is directly inspired by true events. It does feel like the culture has titled off the edges. Fiction can't keep up with the crazy tilt of our lives on the planet. It's seems like not only is everything getting hotter, this little ball of confusion seems to be spinning faster too. 

What of theToxic Clown? Let's just say, he is now beyond the pale, beyond parody.  I do think his brain is total, toxic, mush. 

Yesterday he was in Pennsylvania, and he spent the first 10 minutes of his "closing speech," talking about the old golfer, Arnold Palmer, and the size of Palmer's penis. Supposedly a prodigious appendage. Like you really wanted to know that, right?! Really. I mean, you can't make this shit up. And what of the MAGA cult? They just lapped it up, like happy little puppies.

Weird? No, weird doesn't quite capture the gob-smacking idiocy, and the total crazy. How is it that this man is a serious candidate for President. I mean, WTF?!


Saturday, October 19, 2024

The Trumpets are Sounding!

The Trumpets are sounding. Too old, even his team now says he's exhausted.  Too brain-addled.  Too corrupt. Too racist. Too ignorant. Too toxic. Too Facist. Too wrong for America.


Friday, October 18, 2024

Popular/Unpopular...

Ha. It's weird. Life often comes down to a popularity contest. I hate that. I often gravitate to the unpopular. In music, movies, culture I usually like to swim against the current. I think of myself as an unconventional person.

Still, it turns out sometimes popular also happens to be good, prime example The Beatles; wildly commerical & popular but supremely creative, innovative, sometimes almost avant garde.

But, you know, often popular is putrid, stupid shit, for instance I think of fast food. Cheap food. Empty calories. Folks eating themselves to fat city, chubby and diabetic. Yikes. And all the beef on the hoof helping contribute to climate catastrophe. A killing trend.

Politics too seems to be a popularity contest.  Democracy is good.  Everyone is free to participate. The theory: if everyone votes rationally, with intelligence, and in their own best interests you get rule by the majority and supposedly the policies and laws and the politicians should be popular and representative of the popular will for the good of the people. Nice idea. Not always the way it works out. You know, people are tricky. Being unconventional, I hope and silently pray that my choices are the popular choices too. Puts me in a weird mind-frame. At odds with myself.

Thursday, October 17, 2024

Light-Bulbs Finally Going On...

 I couldn't have said it any better than these Republican voters in Georgia...

Republican voters in deep red Georgia say they are voting for Kamala Harris: “I won't vote for Donald Trump. Last time you saw him talking did you watch his lips? Were they moving? He's lying. [January 6] should have been a disqualifier. He's anti-American. He's trying to overthrow our government”

Amen Brothers & Sisters. As they say, "The truth will set you free." It seems light-bulbs are finally going on across the land. It a good thing to see. Did anyone say, 'Welcome Madam President?"

Wednesday, October 16, 2024

The Teeming Millions Flock to the Shite...

One of the most confounding questions floating in the air: "Why can't they see what I see?" We find ourselves surprised that so many of our fellow Humans Beings choose to see & to live in such a different world. The great song-writer, Paul Simon wrote that: "A man hears what wants to hear, and disregards the rest." 

Maybe that explains it. 

Psychologists talk about "confirmation bias" - "people’s tendency to process information by looking for, or interpreting, information that is consistent with their existing beliefs."

Right. The simple answer, they just want to see and believe what they want to see and believe. Damn the facts, the truth, the evidence from their senses five. It's a deeply ignorant, childish & corrosive way to live, but many, many adults seem to fiercely cling to that attitude. How many refused to get the Covid vax and died during the pandemic? How many follow & voted for the MAGA King even though he is an obvious conman and a supremely corrupt, authoritarian, blithering idiot?

I think the remedy is a bit of humility. Plus the desire and ability to learn from reality. Reality is a hard teacher, but all the lessons are good, true, real. Really. Sure it's a hall of mirrors, but there are moments of clarity and clear-thinking and seeing. Know that you live in the Cloud of Unknowing. That's a start. Best to keep your "beliefs," simple, open-minded, and subject to revision. What to believe in? How about a better day? Love? Compassion?

I swear I saw this quote on the cover Mad Magazine back in the 70's, but my Google search came up with this photo instead...


Right. Advertising. Propaganda. The Big Lie. The Right Wing in America has been selling a shit sandwich for decades. Think Rush Limbaugh, Fox News, Tucker Carlson, the whole subterranean B.S. ecosystem. Built on racism, fear, misogyny, xenophobia, white supremacy. Yikes.  Folks flock to this shit like flies. They so much want to believe in their right wing, wanna be facist, shit sandwich. They will take a big bite and tell you it tastes great. 

Amazing. Sure they are wrong. No doubt. A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Shite!

Tuesday, October 15, 2024

The Meltdown is Coming...

Ok. I am not one for predictions. Really. It's a fool's game. Best to see what's happening before your nose, and dealing with it as it is all transpiring in the moment to moment. But I do have a bold hunch.  Which I am happy to float this a.m. You know, feeling my oats, slept well, the coffee is fabulous, and I am blasting Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here"  (1975), at max volume in a fabulous mansion on the lake. So yeah, feeling pretty good. My bold hunch? The Facist Toxic Clown running for President is getting close to the "spontaneous combustion" phase of the campaign. I do think a very public meltdown is coming and it will be pretty magnificent and entertaining. Now, of course, his cult won't care, they will still vote for him no matter what, I mean, even if he dissolved into a pool of very ghoulish-looking, toxic liquid on stage, it wouldn't matter to the cultists.  But I do think the cult is shrinking on the margins, and that's important. For sure, the rest of us will turn to rationality, good cheer & good government. Pretty sure on that one. Harris/Walz for the win. Of course.

Monday, October 14, 2024

Uncertainty is OK...

Sure. What can go wrong? Well, pretty much everything. I think knowing that deep in your bones is a sign of intelligence. Does it come from experience, or is it built into our DNA? Who knows? Let's get the Scientists on the case. It's the kind of question that leads one to "I just don't rightly know." And that's ok.

This never-ending uncertainty, being the perpetual "doubting Thomas," is a sign of a troubled, anxious, unsatisfied mind. And that's ok. It's a mind-set closer to the reality of things. Sure that might mean you are often unsure, tentative, cautious, questioning, worried, maybe even panicky, sometimes lost, completely at sea, but you know, "thems the breaks."

Those other folks with all the answers, their unshakable beliefs, those so sure about everything and everyone, happy and super-motivated to impose their worldviews on you, and everyone else too, are living in some blindly-stupid, ego-saturated, power-trip, fantasy-land. They fiercely believe they know the truth, and only their truth. You know, for instance their God and only their God. It's a powerful thing. And can lead to so much mischief and tragedy. For instance they come up with crackpot ideas about a bully and a strongman who is gonna fix everything. Check out the History books for how that idea turns out. Those self-righteous, power-mad folks who want to impose their will on the world, well, that dangerous, soul-killing shite inevitably leads to death-camps, and suicides in bunkers. Fuck that Authoritarian B.S. 

We live in a Universe of Uncertainty. It's daunting, challenging, frustrating, disappointing, but also exciting. You know, the "Sea of Possibilities." Pretty much anything can, and probably will, happen. What happens? The good, the bad, the ugly. Life. Real Life. And yes, that's ok...

Sunday, October 13, 2024

Alienated...

Yes. We live in our bodies. We also live in the Socio-Political-Cultural Slipstream. You know, just a Human Being living within the grand, teeming, over-stuffed, Multi-Billion member strong Tribe of Human Beings. Sometimes it's a great experience, sometimes not so great. Lately there is some major dissonance & chaos swirling around in this particular Human Being. I am picking up some disturbing signals. Makes me want to opt-out. I do not like the tenor of my times. I wonder: Who the fuck are these people? How have they all gotten so unhinged from reality? Why are so many of us bitter, angry, ignorant, racist, entitled, full of shit? And how is it so many Humans revel in these retrograde tendencies, and use them as  organizing principles? Nazis, Nihilists, Death-seekers, Righteous Assholes, Fundamentalists,  Sociopaths, Psychos, Egotists, Paraniod Schizophrenics, Crazed Conspiracists, No-Nothings, MAGA Freaks, etc. Yeah, I know a loaded question. I am in it, not really wanting to be in it. Whatever flaws I see are most likely reflected in me too. Still I try to overcome my own flawed thinking and feelings. It's an on-going project. I am of it, and trying to not be of it, at the same time. It's a weird condition to be in. Alienated from the Human Race. Alienated from my self too. What's the remedy? I don't know. Maybe try to find a bit of space, head-space; listen to some good music, pick up my guitar, strum madly. Stage a little mini-rebellion. I think of Melville's Bartelby: "I prefer not to." Silence too, try to swim towards some kind of Inner Light. Yeah, that seems like it might be a helpful way forward.

Saturday, October 12, 2024

Nazi/Facist Rhetoric...

I am not going to quote the Man, the words are too harrowing, demeaning, disgusting, and over the top terrible. You know, the Toxic Clown now running for President as the "Republican," is doubling, tripling, & quadrupling down on the Nazi/Facist rhetoric. 

He has gone all-in for Full Metal Jacket Nazi. Sure, his speeches are filled with madness, idiocy, made-up b.s. confused, and confusing, word-salad, but then, he goes off on clearly Hitlerian-inspired garbage.

Yikes. Not sure if it's a winning strategy, but it's certainly a toxic-stew of racist, demeaning, dehumanizing, shite. Not fit for human consumption. I wonder what kind of country we want to be and to live in? I hope my fellow citizens will roundly & soundly reject this racist, inhumane, unhinged HATE. I suppose we shall soon find out.

Friday, October 11, 2024

Describing the World As It Is...

This excerpt from Ryan J. Reilly, author of The Sedition Hunters: How January 6th Broke the Justice System really captures the present state of crisis in the homeland...



The dangerous ones to the Fools and MAGAs are those people "who must attend to and describe the world as it is." That should be all of us. Let the Reality Seekers speak up, and unite, for a better day and a better world. Vote Harris/Walz. Vote for Reality! Let's try to all live in the real world with eyes, hearts, and arms wide open. It's a better, more soulful, more intelligent & responsible way to live.

Thursday, October 10, 2024

A Doubling...

I often think of Dylan's song "Watching the River Flow." (1971). 

You know, that idea that you are on the "bank of sand," just observing,  always watching, the flow of Life. But that's not really how it is...

Turns out you are  simulaneously on the bank of sand and smack dab in the river too. You are watching the flow of Life, but you are also always flowing  in that river of Life at the same time.

It's an odd thing. A doubling: Watching & Experiencing. And Life just goes on...

Wednesday, October 09, 2024

No Time for Judging...

Not judging it. Life, I mean. It really doesn't matter, one way or the other, you know, the judging. Experiencing it, being in it, navigating, floating, riding, dealing with it, yes, that's the thing. Life gives you everything: what you want, what you don't want, the surprises, the annoyances, the beauty, the not so beautiful. Validating and invalidating moment to moment. No time for judging. It's Life,  baby, be here now...

Tuesday, October 08, 2024

Daylight...

 Daylight. We live for it.

Monday, October 07, 2024

Living in the Real...

Choosing to live in the Analog/Real world. Yes. Kind of going against the grain. Being real. Living in the real. Sure, reality is a hard teacher. You can't finesse the real. You just have to deal with it. There is the good, the bad, the ugly. Comedy & Tragedy. You get full spectrum of Life. It's worth it.

Sunday, October 06, 2024

A Surprising Insight...

We unveiled a new song yesterday. Newly hatched. It's a fresh little beast. We had assembled our band in our rehearsal room. The band is an amazing collection of musicians who have acclimated to our ways of creation and destruction. They have the chops, the musical education, the long history of playing on stages in many different musical modes. We are always a bit intimidated by the musical alchemy of these folks. We ran thru the song a couple times, lots of parts, "movements," and tricky time-changes. We know, from experience, these folks can track with complex pieces. Which is so liberating. Often we start with a flimsy little construction that morphs into a significant piece of music. It's a very grafitying process. One of the players said something so perfect: "This isn't a song, it's a 3 act play." Yes, and it does reflect where my songwriting partner and I started in our long & winding creative journey. Our band was birthed out of a very nebulous, marginal theater company. So maybe there's a bit of continuity there? That was a nice, surprising, little blast of insight.

Saturday, October 05, 2024

Drawing Imaginary Lines...

 "Drawing hard lines in the sand, always bites you in the ass."

A line from a good friend of mine. It's true. The Universe cares not one whit about your hard lines, whether they be in the the sand, the dirt, your head, or the imaginary space in front of you. Sure, in an emotional moment you may take a stand, draw lines, tell the world, and everyone in it, that you aren't crossing that line ever again.

But, you know, it's just vanity. You can draw lines all you want, you can tie yourself in knots, but all you really are doing is handicapping yourself. Closing doors and windows. 

Best way forward? Improvise. Be flexible. Be changeable. Try things. Let shit go. Float like a Butterfly. Sting like a Bee. Flow with the Tao. Be like Water. Transparent. Giving. Let it all come down. Be alive, aware, awake. Once the emotion drains away there is a bit of cold Clarity. "You are not your past."  Today is not Yesterday. You are alive now.  Live. Choose wisely Grasshopper.

Friday, October 04, 2024

The Heads Won...

That pungent, fragrant aroma, you know, from that really superb, primo-shit, floating up from every park bench, every open-windowed passing car, every avenue, every back-yard cookout, and every shabby alley, in our rocking and rolling neighborhood, reminds me of those years, long ago when young men and woman used to get busted, and hauled off to jail, for burning that wacky weed. What to say about these free and easy stoner days? Cheech and Chong won! And Peter Tosh, Willie Nelson and Bob Marley too, winners! "Legalize it, don't criticize it!" - Peter Tosh. Exactly. Kind of amazing. Some folks I know, victims of the War on Drugs, folks whose lives were shattered by Nixon's pernicious war, and the anti-pot hysteria, now long gone, would have been stunned and amazed by the ubiquitious nature of our current state of affairs. Folks from all walks of life, grabbing onto joints with both hands like a life-line, a new smokey utopia. Even the "straights" are stoners now. You know, what the fuck, all that trauma & drama, for what?! "Dave's not here, man."

Thursday, October 03, 2024

He Was Desperate, He Committed Crimes to Cling To Power...

Some of Special Prosecutor Jack Smith's case against Trump's failed bid to hang onto power in 2020 was revealed in a filing yesterday. The narrative, & the evidence. is laid out in black & white. It is a long time coming. 

Some of the names and testimony are redacted, but a lot of it isn't. What does it tell us? Trump knew he lost the election, but he didn't care, he was desperate to cling to power.  And willing to commit crimes to do it. Jack Smith has the details, the receipts, the testimony. Trump doesn't have immunity for these acts, they were not part of his official duties. These were private acts of a desperate flailing scoundrel! 

The truth is the truth. What happened actually did happen. We saw much of it on TV. We heard about it during the Congressional January 6th Hearings. Finally it's all laid out in an damning indictment.

As Jack Smith tells it:  "Donald Trump laid the groundwork to try to overturn the 2020 election even before he lost, knowingly pushed false claims of voter fraud and “resorted to crimes” in his failed bid to cling to power, according to a newly unsealed court filing from prosecutors that offers new evidence from the landmark criminal case against the former president."

Of course, this alone should disqualify the man from running for office ever again. He truly is a disgrace & a threat to Democracy. It is up to the Voters to end this terrible chapter in American History. And then, let Jack Smith get to the task of proving his case.

Wednesday, October 02, 2024

Wall of Confusion...

Funny. I took on a "technical" opportunity for $. Be careful at the things you say "yes" to. I am definitely a bit out of my comfort zone, thinking that I could handle it. Turns out I stepped into a puddle, to find that it was really an ocean. I quickly discovered I really didn't know as much about the topic as I initially believed. Bam! Smack dab into a very sturdy, unforgiving wall of confusion.

Sent me reeling. I questioned my intelligence, competance, and state of equilibrium. I spent a long sleepless night fumbling, and tumbling, rocking and reeling.

What to do? I went back to basics. First I went with the premise: I know nothing. That was a bit humbling, but basically true, and a way of touching bottom and starting to work upward. I retraced my steps, went back to the documentation. Going one line at a time. I did a bit of searching, Googling, trying to get myself "smart." Grasping at straws in the wind.

This morning, after a very long, dead-man's sleep, I feel much better. Actually, quite refreshed. Maybe I haven't solved the problem yet, and I have no idea if I will come to a successful outcome, but now I know the contours of the task at hand. I am a bit more comfortable, and slightly more knowlgeable. Baby steps.

Tuesday, October 01, 2024

Knowing & Not Knowing...

Often you find out you don't know what you do know. Hilarity can follow. Or supreme annoyance. Or long chases down long & winding rabbit holes, with flashes of cotton-tails dancing out of reach in the distance. When all is said and done, there is just emptiness, dust and exhaustion. Nothing quite as unsatisfying as coming up hands-empty after a long, arduous road of seeking.